'Well you never hear someone looking back and saying they wished they'd been at work more! You hear them saying they wish they'd seen the kids more!'
How refreshing to be greeted by this response to the 'Is it still half term?' -type conversation (ie. why are your kids not at school today?). This was our optician who delighted in the presence of the girls at my eye examination this week feeling that he and his wife would've loved to give it a go all those years ago.
Its that Yes! response again which I am a total fan of. I hope to use it more in conversations! Its such a nice way to be together as humans.
I've been grumbling and feeling stuck, this time with Papa W, and had tried to get this down on paper over the course of a day (you know, in and out of fir cones and baking, dolphins and gemstone specification, lunch, breakfast and laundry!), 4 sides it stretched to. Only to arrive at a place where this bit of paper felt so stale, so horrid I couldn't bear to present it to my DH as a constitution for action!
So I screwed it up and put it on the wood pile for starters.
Then I chose a pink piece of paper and wrote 'Blessings' at the top. I used a ridiculous amount of smiley faces - one after each totally awesome thing about my life, and once I'd started they kept coming. It started with Elderflower :) Blackberry :) Sunburst :) and comfortably rolled forwards.
Three-quarters down my page and I still hadn't been able to get an awesome thing about my relationship, though I could sense I was on the edge of the cliff of sorrows ready to jump and soar through that hard bit of letting go of pride or the need to be right. Still, pinpointing the blessing in those difficult feelings wouldn't come.
And then Bam there is was: The power to forgive and let go :) smiley. Able to go with the flow :) smiley. Able to find solutions :) smiley. Able to reflect and notice what feels wrong :) smiley.
Those were the blessings, I didn't have to suddenly turn around, flood with love and right off all the petty yet crucial itemisations I had discovered. But I could open to my ability to let go, and trust my ability to navigate through.
I started off by wallowing in No NO NO until it was totally sour and putrid. This was a necessary part for me. Then switched to Yes yes YES and here came the healing keys. So that's my learning for the day. All growing together.
Showing posts with label letting go. Show all posts
Showing posts with label letting go. Show all posts
Sunday, 3 March 2013
Sunday, 24 February 2013
Baby Holiday
It was announced last week by a close HE friend that this should now be my Baby Holiday -- where we slow down, not expect quite so much from our days. At 34 weeks gestation there is a cruel and mean beast on my right shoulder saying No it is Too Early: you Must keep Pushing and Striving to keep the Strict and Serious business of home education turning Forwards, you can not stop yet!!
Heavens, there's some inner-saboteur soundtrack for you!
It will not surprise you to read that all remains well in the Weststar home - despite the ridiculous on-going chatter of my doubts and stresses (accompanied by the white-knuckle ride of pregnancy hormones and emotions!!) and the quite natural bicker and growth of 3 children and 2 parents navigating their way around a new home and getting ready to welcome our newcomer in April.
There's a book called Idle Parenting -- I may not ever get to actually read it, but I love the title. Its a reminder that we can let our children grow and learn without steering them, butting in every five minutes. So that even if at choice times in life's journey we are less involved, it may consequently be Perfect growth time for the children!! How easy it is to get in their way!!
Blackberry is submerged in learning about herbs to grow and as medicines. She has designed and built with her dad a 'Magic Garden' - a wheel consisting of 6 sections in which we will be growing our herbs. She is due to spend the afternoon with our good friend and herbalist on Tuesday too, to go through her dispensary and help stock-take. Fab.
Elderflower continues to bloom forwards, inspired by a friend and parent at our Barefoot Learners group last Monday to write a song about sharks and turtles, she got her violin out to have a go at a tune for it yesterday. She is enamoured by the story of Winter the dolphin (DVD A Dolphin's Tale - true story, nicely done) and continues to have in-depth, left-field questions about just about everything we encounter and more.
If your children would like to visit their blogs, they are:
Blackberry: http://cheeky7.blogspot.co.uk/
Elderflower: http://elderflowersblog.blogspot.co.uk/
Please leave a comment and share your blog address too :)
Sunburst loves his dad especially at the moment. A lot of cuddles, reassurance, wrestling and boisterousness. Walks in the woods with Blackberry, setting up animal tea parties for Elderflower, high quality lego vehicles and Sunday chocolates.
Yep, our baby holiday will be no dip in the learning curve, just a new rhythm, a freer style and some priceless life skills as we develop patience with each other, the art of going-with-the-flow and easing through yet another transitional time.
Home ed, keeping the heart of family life at our hearth, growing together.
Heavens, there's some inner-saboteur soundtrack for you!
It will not surprise you to read that all remains well in the Weststar home - despite the ridiculous on-going chatter of my doubts and stresses (accompanied by the white-knuckle ride of pregnancy hormones and emotions!!) and the quite natural bicker and growth of 3 children and 2 parents navigating their way around a new home and getting ready to welcome our newcomer in April.
There's a book called Idle Parenting -- I may not ever get to actually read it, but I love the title. Its a reminder that we can let our children grow and learn without steering them, butting in every five minutes. So that even if at choice times in life's journey we are less involved, it may consequently be Perfect growth time for the children!! How easy it is to get in their way!!
Blackberry is submerged in learning about herbs to grow and as medicines. She has designed and built with her dad a 'Magic Garden' - a wheel consisting of 6 sections in which we will be growing our herbs. She is due to spend the afternoon with our good friend and herbalist on Tuesday too, to go through her dispensary and help stock-take. Fab.
Elderflower continues to bloom forwards, inspired by a friend and parent at our Barefoot Learners group last Monday to write a song about sharks and turtles, she got her violin out to have a go at a tune for it yesterday. She is enamoured by the story of Winter the dolphin (DVD A Dolphin's Tale - true story, nicely done) and continues to have in-depth, left-field questions about just about everything we encounter and more.
If your children would like to visit their blogs, they are:
Blackberry: http://cheeky7.blogspot.co.uk/
Elderflower: http://elderflowersblog.blogspot.co.uk/
Please leave a comment and share your blog address too :)
Sunburst loves his dad especially at the moment. A lot of cuddles, reassurance, wrestling and boisterousness. Walks in the woods with Blackberry, setting up animal tea parties for Elderflower, high quality lego vehicles and Sunday chocolates.
Yep, our baby holiday will be no dip in the learning curve, just a new rhythm, a freer style and some priceless life skills as we develop patience with each other, the art of going-with-the-flow and easing through yet another transitional time.
Home ed, keeping the heart of family life at our hearth, growing together.
Friday, 21 December 2012
Pass the parcel!
Christmas time and my coping strategies change year on year.
This year, having just exchanged contracts on selling our house today, Papa W's five-oh birthday today too and now 25 weeks pregnant added to the mix, I am again in a place where I need to accept less of myself.
Less gifts made for those I love. Less paper acknowledgments (xmas cards) sent out. Less money to spend on the kids. Less privacy to keep stockings etc the magical secret they can sometimes be. Less energy to weave magical, timely, wholesome festive cheer amongst the home team.
I had some time of real discomfort overnight on the 19th when I realised there was no gift completed for my partner and lots of half-finished gifts for others... and that if I did finish them I would probably be on the floor (and what kind of gift is that for those who share my life??!!)
I love looking at the kids' patterns with all this:
Sunburst gives away many of his toys (or tries to) to friends when they visit. He especially likes to wrap them up. He is often thinking what he can give to people. The material things are important in that giving moment and I sense that it doesn't matter who actually 'keeps' them at the end of the playtime. The object may go home with the friend or it may stay here, the gesture of giving is as satisfying either way.
Elderflower is really clear about her gift giving and receiving. She takes time for one person, pours concentrations and care into the making. Things are quite weighty to her -- she won't give away things that she loves, she knows exactly what she wants to buy or acquire when opportunity comes her way. For the moment, gaining is definitely her favourite -- whilst she might think of someone when she sees a particular thing, she would rather keep it for herself than pass it on. She enjoys having money and singles out objects with crystal clarity.
Blackberry is massively generous and effusive in making gifts, cards, projects for others. These flair up quickly and are rarely followed through to actually handing them over (unless a parent comes along, nabs it and bags it up, seals it in an envelope for the person before it is discarded!) But out of the fifty projects begun over a few days, there will be one that is finished and presented and is totally inspired. But that one is no less or more important than the rest, each one is full of a furious and passionate drive to create for herself and for others.
I love that (in my understanding of the world) the energy of the gift we make reaches the person, even if the actual thing does not. I had a fantasy of burning all the cards I've made this year, with love, bcs I'm not sure I've got the where-with-all to distribute effectively now that they are sitting in a box written and sealed. You know in Mary Poppins, the letter that gets ripped up in the fireplace? It whips up the chimney in the magical west wind and is reformed for the nanny to find. That kind of thing.
At this midwinter time of festivities, we've all got our way of expressing ourselves. And each is equal to another, just as our other forms of expression are individual. More or less love can not be equated accurately through material goods. And thats quite a revelation to me. I feel like I'm saying something really basic that everyone else figured out years ago! But for me these things are fairly new -- that what I do is largely down to me, and my behaviour simply makes me, me.
This year, having just exchanged contracts on selling our house today, Papa W's five-oh birthday today too and now 25 weeks pregnant added to the mix, I am again in a place where I need to accept less of myself.
Less gifts made for those I love. Less paper acknowledgments (xmas cards) sent out. Less money to spend on the kids. Less privacy to keep stockings etc the magical secret they can sometimes be. Less energy to weave magical, timely, wholesome festive cheer amongst the home team.
I had some time of real discomfort overnight on the 19th when I realised there was no gift completed for my partner and lots of half-finished gifts for others... and that if I did finish them I would probably be on the floor (and what kind of gift is that for those who share my life??!!)
I love looking at the kids' patterns with all this:
Sunburst gives away many of his toys (or tries to) to friends when they visit. He especially likes to wrap them up. He is often thinking what he can give to people. The material things are important in that giving moment and I sense that it doesn't matter who actually 'keeps' them at the end of the playtime. The object may go home with the friend or it may stay here, the gesture of giving is as satisfying either way.
Elderflower is really clear about her gift giving and receiving. She takes time for one person, pours concentrations and care into the making. Things are quite weighty to her -- she won't give away things that she loves, she knows exactly what she wants to buy or acquire when opportunity comes her way. For the moment, gaining is definitely her favourite -- whilst she might think of someone when she sees a particular thing, she would rather keep it for herself than pass it on. She enjoys having money and singles out objects with crystal clarity.
Blackberry is massively generous and effusive in making gifts, cards, projects for others. These flair up quickly and are rarely followed through to actually handing them over (unless a parent comes along, nabs it and bags it up, seals it in an envelope for the person before it is discarded!) But out of the fifty projects begun over a few days, there will be one that is finished and presented and is totally inspired. But that one is no less or more important than the rest, each one is full of a furious and passionate drive to create for herself and for others.
I love that (in my understanding of the world) the energy of the gift we make reaches the person, even if the actual thing does not. I had a fantasy of burning all the cards I've made this year, with love, bcs I'm not sure I've got the where-with-all to distribute effectively now that they are sitting in a box written and sealed. You know in Mary Poppins, the letter that gets ripped up in the fireplace? It whips up the chimney in the magical west wind and is reformed for the nanny to find. That kind of thing.
At this midwinter time of festivities, we've all got our way of expressing ourselves. And each is equal to another, just as our other forms of expression are individual. More or less love can not be equated accurately through material goods. And thats quite a revelation to me. I feel like I'm saying something really basic that everyone else figured out years ago! But for me these things are fairly new -- that what I do is largely down to me, and my behaviour simply makes me, me.
Tuesday, 27 November 2012
An experiment in control
I would love to know what other fabulous parents think about this issue (and please excuse me as this is very flow-of-consciousness this post! I am using the space to work out what I'm feeling)
When does controlling become too restrictive?
How can we as parents know when we are controlling something for our own benefit and actually its not that big a deal for the kids?
Here's some things we control the children's exposure to/use of:
TV, Computer games, internet,
Gluten, Sugar, Caffeine, to many processed foods, hormone injected/factory farmed meat,
Additives, aspartame, artificial colours etc.
(Media, news, other visual images or movies that are teenage or adult themed - though this is not an issue, it is easier to avoid over-exposure to these)
I also control my own exposure to these things - I find that too much of any of these things is detrimental to my health. However, to try to control the kids' use of these things can be really time-consuming, energy sapping and it can often result in me making up arbitrary rules that have no back up - out of fear that somehow we 're going to get swallowed up by these things. I feel I am working against the 'State' who actively promote and expect these things to be a usual part of childhood and life in general, so to try to curb or limit the use of them is swimming against a very swift and strong tide.
Blackberry is cross today. She is tired and cranky because she stayed up late through her own choice, repeatedly ignoring gentle reminders that its late. She is angry because we had two no-screen days at the weekend, my response to suddenly feeling that it had taken over our lives -- she patterns Papa W and I's use of the computer which is having it on all day and writing on it whenever we remember there's something to do, something to check, something to ask, watch etc. We want to change this habit for ourselves. Its an addiction like any other. Without the constant availability of a screen, my creativity soars and I feel more in control of my own life. I am wanting this freedom for my children too.
It is most noticeable when the children crowd round each other on there and are oblivious to anything else.
It curbs our creativity by giving an unlimitable distraction away from real life (and yet what is 'real' life? If a lot of their friends are doing these things unlimited, then what makes my kids any different?). Again, this is partly because of the constant streaming of high-stimulation adverts, information, allusions to a particular lifestyle, mind-numbing and subliminal programming that is allowed and promoted by the State.
Without it though, it is easy to feel isolated (I love blogging and visiting Facebook at intervals) - without television access I can sometimes feel like I am over-sacrificing! Being a martyr to a hippie cause, which isn't true of me. I feel I can hold my centre and accept all different lifestyles, I just want to be able to choose. And yet the pervasiveness of what's offered by mainstream is harder for a child to filter is it not? Or easier maybe...! That's what I mean, when do my parental concerns turn into overkill? These precious creatures that I care for are naturally more evolved than I, and so surely will have other means of filtering all the nonsense out?
And so Blackberry is fighting back by grabbing back her autonomy in other ways. It is slightly more complicated than that (as it is in all family dynamics! and again I won't attempt to psycho-analyse that one on this blog)... but enough to say that I can see the link between me trying to control things (for what I as her guardian see as being her best interests) and then her needing to assert her autonomy in other ways. And as a result I'm feeling pretty miserable!
I'll leave it there. I'm amazed if you've read to the end, thanks, and I'd love to hear your comments below. I don't know why this has come up for my attention today, but trying to go with it and express it as it works through.
Namaste.
When does controlling become too restrictive?
How can we as parents know when we are controlling something for our own benefit and actually its not that big a deal for the kids?
Here's some things we control the children's exposure to/use of:
TV, Computer games, internet,
Gluten, Sugar, Caffeine, to many processed foods, hormone injected/factory farmed meat,
Additives, aspartame, artificial colours etc.
(Media, news, other visual images or movies that are teenage or adult themed - though this is not an issue, it is easier to avoid over-exposure to these)
I also control my own exposure to these things - I find that too much of any of these things is detrimental to my health. However, to try to control the kids' use of these things can be really time-consuming, energy sapping and it can often result in me making up arbitrary rules that have no back up - out of fear that somehow we 're going to get swallowed up by these things. I feel I am working against the 'State' who actively promote and expect these things to be a usual part of childhood and life in general, so to try to curb or limit the use of them is swimming against a very swift and strong tide.
Blackberry is cross today. She is tired and cranky because she stayed up late through her own choice, repeatedly ignoring gentle reminders that its late. She is angry because we had two no-screen days at the weekend, my response to suddenly feeling that it had taken over our lives -- she patterns Papa W and I's use of the computer which is having it on all day and writing on it whenever we remember there's something to do, something to check, something to ask, watch etc. We want to change this habit for ourselves. Its an addiction like any other. Without the constant availability of a screen, my creativity soars and I feel more in control of my own life. I am wanting this freedom for my children too.
It is most noticeable when the children crowd round each other on there and are oblivious to anything else.
It curbs our creativity by giving an unlimitable distraction away from real life (and yet what is 'real' life? If a lot of their friends are doing these things unlimited, then what makes my kids any different?). Again, this is partly because of the constant streaming of high-stimulation adverts, information, allusions to a particular lifestyle, mind-numbing and subliminal programming that is allowed and promoted by the State.
Without it though, it is easy to feel isolated (I love blogging and visiting Facebook at intervals) - without television access I can sometimes feel like I am over-sacrificing! Being a martyr to a hippie cause, which isn't true of me. I feel I can hold my centre and accept all different lifestyles, I just want to be able to choose. And yet the pervasiveness of what's offered by mainstream is harder for a child to filter is it not? Or easier maybe...! That's what I mean, when do my parental concerns turn into overkill? These precious creatures that I care for are naturally more evolved than I, and so surely will have other means of filtering all the nonsense out?
And so Blackberry is fighting back by grabbing back her autonomy in other ways. It is slightly more complicated than that (as it is in all family dynamics! and again I won't attempt to psycho-analyse that one on this blog)... but enough to say that I can see the link between me trying to control things (for what I as her guardian see as being her best interests) and then her needing to assert her autonomy in other ways. And as a result I'm feeling pretty miserable!
I'll leave it there. I'm amazed if you've read to the end, thanks, and I'd love to hear your comments below. I don't know why this has come up for my attention today, but trying to go with it and express it as it works through.
Namaste.
Monday, 22 October 2012
...versus Mama Tiger
Well after a day of non-interference (see the last post) I nearly exploded (I was trying it a little too conscientiously I think!) And I was back to growling when required and sticking my oar in sometimes unskillfully. I am in fact human.
Lots of positive stuff is going on - I'll go into those another time. Current challenges: Blackberry's anger bursts of frustration dominating the room of otherwise chilled-out family-members, a disregard for something we'd (I thought) agreed as a family to remove ourselves from the room for explosions and re-enter when we're calm... Oops I could growl quite a bit about my eldest right now actually and I want to protect the privacy of our relationship by holding my tongue a bit.
Its hard eh, parenting, seeing the mirror, knowing when to let go and when to push, when to react, when to ignore -- and if I try to be too skilled and ordered in my responses I eventually reach a place where I can't hold on to my carefulness anymore. It all presents itself to me in an avalanche of worries, frustrations, criticisms of her and me simultaneously, reaching up to the heavens for some guidance on how the heck we move through it, fear that somehow the day has been ruined by this blot on family life, fear that she will never learn anything if she has such a short attention span and threshold for disappointment... it all comes crashing down on top of me and I momentarily break.
One thing that I feel has changed for me in the last year or so is that I'm OK with letting that Mama Tiger out -- I try to let it out in one blast if I get pushed to that place (and generally their are lots of warnings when Mummy is approaching that place!), walk off, out of the space to recentre and make myself safe again and then drop it. I don't hold grudges (as far as I can). We call it putting on our Teflon Suit - non-stick, let it go, drop it.
Lots of forgiveness, lots of compassion - we're all just trying to work it out, moment by moment. She's incredible I know, quite an exquisite soul learning the limits to her behaviour and gifts, like all souls here on earth right now. May I be authentic in my role within her exploration, its OK to be a tiger sometimes.
Lots of positive stuff is going on - I'll go into those another time. Current challenges: Blackberry's anger bursts of frustration dominating the room of otherwise chilled-out family-members, a disregard for something we'd (I thought) agreed as a family to remove ourselves from the room for explosions and re-enter when we're calm... Oops I could growl quite a bit about my eldest right now actually and I want to protect the privacy of our relationship by holding my tongue a bit.
Its hard eh, parenting, seeing the mirror, knowing when to let go and when to push, when to react, when to ignore -- and if I try to be too skilled and ordered in my responses I eventually reach a place where I can't hold on to my carefulness anymore. It all presents itself to me in an avalanche of worries, frustrations, criticisms of her and me simultaneously, reaching up to the heavens for some guidance on how the heck we move through it, fear that somehow the day has been ruined by this blot on family life, fear that she will never learn anything if she has such a short attention span and threshold for disappointment... it all comes crashing down on top of me and I momentarily break.
One thing that I feel has changed for me in the last year or so is that I'm OK with letting that Mama Tiger out -- I try to let it out in one blast if I get pushed to that place (and generally their are lots of warnings when Mummy is approaching that place!), walk off, out of the space to recentre and make myself safe again and then drop it. I don't hold grudges (as far as I can). We call it putting on our Teflon Suit - non-stick, let it go, drop it.
Lots of forgiveness, lots of compassion - we're all just trying to work it out, moment by moment. She's incredible I know, quite an exquisite soul learning the limits to her behaviour and gifts, like all souls here on earth right now. May I be authentic in my role within her exploration, its OK to be a tiger sometimes.
Saturday, 6 October 2012
The Home Ed Treatment
I've been to a concert this evening of inspiring heart felt music from a couple based in Dartmoor, Carolyn Hillyer and Nigel Shaw. You can find them here.
So I'm remembering the revolution of choosing home ed and how it felt initially (and still feels now, especially when watching friends still factoring school in, I feel so released from this pattern that didn't work for me). A phenomenal freedom I had not even dreamed of.
And I'm deeply aware that there are other areas of our life that need The Home Ed Treatment - the Leap of Faith!! The Stepping into the Darkness with Trust and Fearlessness.
It is only when we release ourselves from the things that are not working that we can make way for the new. It takes courage and is immediately rewarded by expansiveness, fresh open breath, and the knowledge that we are more powerful than we could ever imagine. Go For It!
They sang of the land, of freedom and of our ancient roots.
So I'm remembering the revolution of choosing home ed and how it felt initially (and still feels now, especially when watching friends still factoring school in, I feel so released from this pattern that didn't work for me). A phenomenal freedom I had not even dreamed of.
And I'm deeply aware that there are other areas of our life that need The Home Ed Treatment - the Leap of Faith!! The Stepping into the Darkness with Trust and Fearlessness.
- I'd like to stop paying a mortgage that we can't afford.
- I'd like to spend more time based in the countryside with the rivers and the trees and some silence.
- I'd like to continue centralising the need for a close community of like-minded friends, cut out the distractions and the doubts.
- I'd like to stay focused on my individual growth, so as to model this within the family, nurturing growth and evolution for us all.
It is only when we release ourselves from the things that are not working that we can make way for the new. It takes courage and is immediately rewarded by expansiveness, fresh open breath, and the knowledge that we are more powerful than we could ever imagine. Go For It!
Wednesday, 3 October 2012
Being me without the distractions
Start writing and it will come. Floods of feelings about projects planned, begun and aborted, other projects not planned and yet blossoming beautifully unbidden by my conscious mind.
I have been Very Grumpy at the moment, my hormones are raging through my system, my tolerance level is low - high - low- high !!! I am grieving the loss of the plans that I had before I became pregnant. The loss of the me I was familiar with before, what I was able to manage physically and mentally, what I was hoping to manage over the next couple of years.
And much that I love having babies and adore my children, I have this sense that I'm again sitting back on my heels, that my power has been taken away, that I must sit this one out.
Thanks for hearing that, I totally trust that my discomfort will pass and that it is all part of the seamless tapestry. I welcome this little soul and feel joyful about it too, just have no idea about the rest of our lives!
For me, the swiftest way to process painful feelings is to express them and indulge them, get right in there and explore the territory. I have been writing my feelings down, talking when I can, identifying the things I need in my life to support me.
The only things I have lost are hot air really, the bits that my mind had mapped out for myself. The bits I thought defined me, defined how I am in the world, what my role is (particularly outside of the family). What I've gained is a totally new horizon where I trust I will be guided and led to continue my true growth as human being.
I believe really the only thing that we can be certain of during life on Earth is that is full of change and chaos! I welcome the opportunity to get better at coping with this truth.
I hope that you are well and that you are nurturing yourself wherever change and chaos persist in your own lives.
Namaste
Ali x
My favourite quote this last week is :
"When I let go of what I want, I ready myself to receive what is truly mine.
The second of these is the greater gift."
Anita Moorjani: Dying to Be Me (from memory so not word for word)
I have been Very Grumpy at the moment, my hormones are raging through my system, my tolerance level is low - high - low- high !!! I am grieving the loss of the plans that I had before I became pregnant. The loss of the me I was familiar with before, what I was able to manage physically and mentally, what I was hoping to manage over the next couple of years.
And much that I love having babies and adore my children, I have this sense that I'm again sitting back on my heels, that my power has been taken away, that I must sit this one out.
Thanks for hearing that, I totally trust that my discomfort will pass and that it is all part of the seamless tapestry. I welcome this little soul and feel joyful about it too, just have no idea about the rest of our lives!
Surrender, I think is the key.
I can not control how I am viewed by the outside world, no matter what my perception of that worldview is. The only person judging me is probably myself!
For me, the swiftest way to process painful feelings is to express them and indulge them, get right in there and explore the territory. I have been writing my feelings down, talking when I can, identifying the things I need in my life to support me.
The only things I have lost are hot air really, the bits that my mind had mapped out for myself. The bits I thought defined me, defined how I am in the world, what my role is (particularly outside of the family). What I've gained is a totally new horizon where I trust I will be guided and led to continue my true growth as human being.
I believe really the only thing that we can be certain of during life on Earth is that is full of change and chaos! I welcome the opportunity to get better at coping with this truth.
I hope that you are well and that you are nurturing yourself wherever change and chaos persist in your own lives.
Namaste
Ali x
Tuesday, 25 September 2012
Timidly, boldly, valuing Me
Today a little more about me and accepting that the choices I make are down to me. Just as it was me who's emotional barometer stopped us from schooling, I've found my limit again in terms of how much I can take on. Lots of months planning the kind of work I'd like to give a go, interview, paperwork, initial training and bam I've hit my cry-o-meter buttons again.
But this time I'm listening!
I went for months, years of forcing myself through pain barriers as a teacher, as a mum, waited until something really physical snapped like a miscarriage once, nearly a marriage in another moment! Waiting for these massive external things before I'd stop forcing myself. I'd got so used to waking up with dread and tears, explaining away, reassurring everyone around me that I'm fine, head down, battle on, follow an unseen expectation or dreamed up agenda.
And then this last year with the decision to home ed, the excellent hard focused work my partner and I have done to heal our relationship I have found a new kind of living where days flow, where difficulties are shared and where the foundations are strong and nurturing. I've experienced smiling, the flow of love and of Grace, of knowing myself to be held in the palm of Love's hand.
And so the tears, lethargy, mental dizziness came all this weekend and I'm listening. I've taken a step away from work to value this pregnancy and to focus back on these children, our educating life which must take more of me than I had realised. I feel shocked (again) but I can sense that this was a necessary choice to value myself and the powerfully simple things we are doing here. This is my work for now.
But this time I'm listening!
I went for months, years of forcing myself through pain barriers as a teacher, as a mum, waited until something really physical snapped like a miscarriage once, nearly a marriage in another moment! Waiting for these massive external things before I'd stop forcing myself. I'd got so used to waking up with dread and tears, explaining away, reassurring everyone around me that I'm fine, head down, battle on, follow an unseen expectation or dreamed up agenda.
And then this last year with the decision to home ed, the excellent hard focused work my partner and I have done to heal our relationship I have found a new kind of living where days flow, where difficulties are shared and where the foundations are strong and nurturing. I've experienced smiling, the flow of love and of Grace, of knowing myself to be held in the palm of Love's hand.
And so the tears, lethargy, mental dizziness came all this weekend and I'm listening. I've taken a step away from work to value this pregnancy and to focus back on these children, our educating life which must take more of me than I had realised. I feel shocked (again) but I can sense that this was a necessary choice to value myself and the powerfully simple things we are doing here. This is my work for now.
Monday, 24 September 2012
Letting go of the reins
First two weeks of my part-time job with a learning curve of its own, my hardest thing, I think, is letting go of what's happening at home. Papa Weststar is grand with them all here, so thats something to accept (I am not irreplaceable!) but also here are some snippets of how I know that learning is going on in my absence.
Elderflower asked about fossils today and before either of the adults could respond, Blackberry lunged across the room for her rocks and minerals book, zoomed straight to the paragraph with the answer and read it aloud. Voila.
Elderflower's reading is coming along beautifully.
My last little snippet is about swimming: you may remember I have commented on it before, not ever understanding how we were to learn this skill without trained tutors!! Well, E did it her way a few months back, following our instructions and adding her own stamina and determination. B took up residence in the corner of the pool for about 7 weeks on the trot, basically practising going under water and holding her breath.
It might have looked like avoidance sometimes, or general loitering, but last week she started to bounce along the bottom during these spells of breath holding. Until she asked one of us stand a little way away, and three, four strokes later there she was with the biggest beam mirrored by all present!
I love it :) x
Elderflower asked about fossils today and before either of the adults could respond, Blackberry lunged across the room for her rocks and minerals book, zoomed straight to the paragraph with the answer and read it aloud. Voila.
Elderflower's reading is coming along beautifully.
My last little snippet is about swimming: you may remember I have commented on it before, not ever understanding how we were to learn this skill without trained tutors!! Well, E did it her way a few months back, following our instructions and adding her own stamina and determination. B took up residence in the corner of the pool for about 7 weeks on the trot, basically practising going under water and holding her breath.
It might have looked like avoidance sometimes, or general loitering, but last week she started to bounce along the bottom during these spells of breath holding. Until she asked one of us stand a little way away, and three, four strokes later there she was with the biggest beam mirrored by all present!
I love it :) x
Wednesday, 22 August 2012
It wasn't on The Map!
Some quite unexpected events have fallen in amongst the Weststar householders. All completely joyful, though at first glance they may seem like crises.
Just after my successful interview (you'll remember the one, big life change, half-time work, moving up and out of unemployed life, into sharing the paid work and home ed balance....) - I fell pregnant. Yes I do know how it happens, but I made a mistake about timings and this is how I find myself. And so Number 4 Weststar is on her or his way.
So up until now I've planned and dreamed and forged my way forwards with what I understood my life to be about. The map was detailed, if a little boring, I fitted in to what might be expected of me from the outside. (Well, except for the home ed I guess, and the grain-free awkwardness, and the anti-vaccine stance... OK OK dream on Westy if you think you were fulfilling expectations!)
So I thought I was following my map and pleasing those around me if they took the time to need pleasing.
But now, this absolute Gift of a soul growing in my belly is very inconvenient. We won't fit in a normal car (which we can't afford to run anyhow!), we are still largely unemployed in any real monetary sense. I smart at quite how this could have happened. It wasn't on the Map!
And yet I think I feel today about as humbled and lucky as I have felt of late. Totally supported by Grace and the Flow of Life. My new boss is figuring out how to still have me in a slightly different role and probably less hours initially. Friends have come forward with help and support abundant. I've realised I really did want another little bear (and any of this is only possible because of home ed, there is no way I would bring someone else into my previous incarnation as a school-running clock-watcher) and I totally trust that we'll figure it out.
Or, to hell with figuring it out. Its already sorted, we just have to surrender and go with the flow to support ourselves, continue our excellent family life and enjoy the relationships within our family and friend community that co-sustain. Hard work yes, I know that, but real ground roots work where we grow, thrive, learn and unfold.
When have unexpected things happened to you and how did you welcome them into your life? I'd love to know. Thank you for reading friends.
Thursday, 19 July 2012
S l o w down!
It is nearly a year since we were last in school!
And things have settled, we have all agreed to carry on for another year which feels great. I feel the first full breaths of really accepting home ed as part of our lifestyle.
Thoughts from this week are about there being No Rush.
And, not unsurprisingly it links to a lot I have to say about safe birthing (here's where to find my breechbaby blog). Our lives unfold, our children grow and learn, opportunities come and go, anxiety can come and go too. If we push, we don't go any faster. What's that phrase: Less Haste More Speed...
Nothing needs to be decided in a hurry. Everything has its moment. The world may like us to think that every second is a crucial pivotal moment. Whenever I fall into that trap, I find panic! I prefer the heartfelt truth that there is always time to breathe, to come back to base and to listen to whats next.
And things have settled, we have all agreed to carry on for another year which feels great. I feel the first full breaths of really accepting home ed as part of our lifestyle.
Thoughts from this week are about there being No Rush.
And, not unsurprisingly it links to a lot I have to say about safe birthing (here's where to find my breechbaby blog). Our lives unfold, our children grow and learn, opportunities come and go, anxiety can come and go too. If we push, we don't go any faster. What's that phrase: Less Haste More Speed...
Nothing needs to be decided in a hurry. Everything has its moment. The world may like us to think that every second is a crucial pivotal moment. Whenever I fall into that trap, I find panic! I prefer the heartfelt truth that there is always time to breathe, to come back to base and to listen to whats next.
Thursday, 14 June 2012
Hot tin roof head
Its raining hard on my washing at the moment. Its 4am. Solly woke an hour ago wanting the landing light on and my brain has decided its time to get up! Hopefully temporarily, enough time to share and drink herbal tea, then snooze again!
I'm pretty grumpy at the moment and whilst I might have saved that information from my blog a month or so ago, I'm going to share it all with the group today!
The decision about whether or not middle has some school days in her week: we have a school about 15 miles away in a village who's head encourages flexi-schoolers (i think there are 11 out of a total 37 there being partly home edded). Could be a happy half way point to try out.
It brings up loads of stuff though for husband and I. For me there's a comfort in thinking we might do it - and its the weirdest reason. Not because I necessarily think it'll be best for Middle (although in the short term its good to give these things a go) but because they'll be a fixed point or two in our week where someone else is doing the organising. I sometimes find the sheer weight of hearing and going some way to answering everyone's needs (let alone my own) just phenomenal. Its all practise.
Muddled in with that is trying to Guess what others are needing! I think I do this a little too much. I worry they're missing something and swoop sleuthlike on the perceived problem with strategies for sorting out. Some might say this is a clear sign that my own needs aren't being met: If I spent as much time engaging with what I need and reaching out to meet those needs, I would be modelling the behaviour I'm looking for which is clarity in expression, learning to ask for what we want and finding the answers ourselves.
Stuff has taken over our house again, the waves of simplifying are tough. We are like magnets it seems and attract shed loads of objects from the outside world to clutter our living space. The book says be strict to start with. I'm not very good at being strict.
Also, there seems to be this massive time delay between where I see ourselves and where we actually are. Create Your Own Home Ed style. Sure, the potential is exciting, the reality when it works is real, life affirming delight. But as for the times in between its hard work when we never really know how OK it is except for the fact that we'd rather be doing it than not doing it.
And maybe thats enough. How do you do it longer-term home edder goddesses? How do you know this is the right thing? And if you don't (know) how do you keep the task a manageable one?
Love and cinnamon tea, the star in the west.
I'm pretty grumpy at the moment and whilst I might have saved that information from my blog a month or so ago, I'm going to share it all with the group today!
The decision about whether or not middle has some school days in her week: we have a school about 15 miles away in a village who's head encourages flexi-schoolers (i think there are 11 out of a total 37 there being partly home edded). Could be a happy half way point to try out.
It brings up loads of stuff though for husband and I. For me there's a comfort in thinking we might do it - and its the weirdest reason. Not because I necessarily think it'll be best for Middle (although in the short term its good to give these things a go) but because they'll be a fixed point or two in our week where someone else is doing the organising. I sometimes find the sheer weight of hearing and going some way to answering everyone's needs (let alone my own) just phenomenal. Its all practise.
Muddled in with that is trying to Guess what others are needing! I think I do this a little too much. I worry they're missing something and swoop sleuthlike on the perceived problem with strategies for sorting out. Some might say this is a clear sign that my own needs aren't being met: If I spent as much time engaging with what I need and reaching out to meet those needs, I would be modelling the behaviour I'm looking for which is clarity in expression, learning to ask for what we want and finding the answers ourselves.
Stuff has taken over our house again, the waves of simplifying are tough. We are like magnets it seems and attract shed loads of objects from the outside world to clutter our living space. The book says be strict to start with. I'm not very good at being strict.
Also, there seems to be this massive time delay between where I see ourselves and where we actually are. Create Your Own Home Ed style. Sure, the potential is exciting, the reality when it works is real, life affirming delight. But as for the times in between its hard work when we never really know how OK it is except for the fact that we'd rather be doing it than not doing it.
And maybe thats enough. How do you do it longer-term home edder goddesses? How do you know this is the right thing? And if you don't (know) how do you keep the task a manageable one?
Love and cinnamon tea, the star in the west.
Wednesday, 6 June 2012
Wow, thanks Mum!
This was the response to the third wave of simplifying in the kids' bedroom - it could have gone either way!
Literally hundreds of books have been moved into storage (gulp slightly damp shed!), fluffy toys also, dvds from downstairs, and two thirds of the dressing up wardrobe.
There is wave 4 to come, movement of games cupboards downstairs, but I'm going to need back up for that one! Its taken days to get this far!
We've been reading 'Simplicity Parenting', a straightforward and quality read :) Already as we start implementing the suggestions, we can see and feel it in the family. I can't believe I didn't see it before! Kids don't need toys - well not millions of them anyway, or books. They have a few at a time in their room and then we can swap for the ones in storage as we go along, probably learning more about what they really want to play with along the way.
And clearing out feels so good, accompanying the massive changes that are still taking place in this home, making way for the new.
A favourite phrase from the book: the best thing we can do for our kids is often to stay out of their way. Another little project for the parents to be working on...!
Literally hundreds of books have been moved into storage (gulp slightly damp shed!), fluffy toys also, dvds from downstairs, and two thirds of the dressing up wardrobe.
There is wave 4 to come, movement of games cupboards downstairs, but I'm going to need back up for that one! Its taken days to get this far!
We've been reading 'Simplicity Parenting', a straightforward and quality read :) Already as we start implementing the suggestions, we can see and feel it in the family. I can't believe I didn't see it before! Kids don't need toys - well not millions of them anyway, or books. They have a few at a time in their room and then we can swap for the ones in storage as we go along, probably learning more about what they really want to play with along the way.
And clearing out feels so good, accompanying the massive changes that are still taking place in this home, making way for the new.
A favourite phrase from the book: the best thing we can do for our kids is often to stay out of their way. Another little project for the parents to be working on...!
Wednesday, 30 May 2012
firemonkey
So the dynamic in this house has reached a shift point again. We have a middle who's possibly looking at returning to school in September and an eldest who's displaying really tired, manic growing pains. I only just looked at us today and realised how much of a storm we're appearing to be. One calling out (unconsciously) for major simplifying, back-to-earth stability while the other is reaching out for more stimulation, more people..
And how can we provide that as home educating parents? I'd love to know your thoughts.
My intuition says that the key is in communicating as a family, finding a space to talk a little about our differing needs, make some plans where the one who's craving to get out can get out and the one who has burnt-out can have some quiet time. And in the mix is the three and a half year old!! One minute the cuddliest, most thoughtful, cooperative bear.. the next, screaming that he wants a sweeeeeett for half an hour.
Surely this is where the richness is, I can feel it as I write that this is the thick of life, human relationships, learning to live together. But maybe its too heavy for Middle? Maybe she'll get a break by going back into a classroom? Or will she just pick up loads of other family madness and not have the support to process it all?
One thing as a mum I would like to let go of the assumption I have carried with me that I need to answer all their needs. Just me. Its time for that one to head for the door!!
And yet I want to do enough to support them, help them find what they need (at the same time as making sure my own needs are met and my relationship is functioning well!) No small task!
Wow, mums are ace. Trusting all shall be well.
And how can we provide that as home educating parents? I'd love to know your thoughts.
My intuition says that the key is in communicating as a family, finding a space to talk a little about our differing needs, make some plans where the one who's craving to get out can get out and the one who has burnt-out can have some quiet time. And in the mix is the three and a half year old!! One minute the cuddliest, most thoughtful, cooperative bear.. the next, screaming that he wants a sweeeeeett for half an hour.
Surely this is where the richness is, I can feel it as I write that this is the thick of life, human relationships, learning to live together. But maybe its too heavy for Middle? Maybe she'll get a break by going back into a classroom? Or will she just pick up loads of other family madness and not have the support to process it all?
One thing as a mum I would like to let go of the assumption I have carried with me that I need to answer all their needs. Just me. Its time for that one to head for the door!!
And yet I want to do enough to support them, help them find what they need (at the same time as making sure my own needs are met and my relationship is functioning well!) No small task!
Wow, mums are ace. Trusting all shall be well.
Sunday, 27 May 2012
control freakery!!!
Communication has been breaking down in this house of ours : pinching, snatching and arguing is back in force amongst the youngsters ~ also we have a strong pull towards the 'Telling Each Other What To Do' trend. Panic ensues occasionally as our eldest slips through our grasp like a slippery fish, avoiding answering any tasks, ideas or shared learning opportunities.
On her own, she's on fire! Gallops ahead with idea after idea, writing reams on her chosen projects, stacking up tadpoles, tea stalls, cooking projects. But a slight breeze of attention from a parent and the spinning top veers from its axle.
Letting go letting go letting go is the theme. Trusting we'll find an equilibrium again soon.
On her own, she's on fire! Gallops ahead with idea after idea, writing reams on her chosen projects, stacking up tadpoles, tea stalls, cooking projects. But a slight breeze of attention from a parent and the spinning top veers from its axle.
Letting go letting go letting go is the theme. Trusting we'll find an equilibrium again soon.
Wednesday, 25 April 2012
Base camp
Was sent a link to a Peaceful Parenting blog today that spoke of success in home ed being about time in the home. Staying at base camp for a lot of the week rather than running from group to group. I have found this reminder heartening.
Whilst the groups are fun, meeting up with others is essential for us, there is one fortnightly session that costs considerably more and we may not be able to meet the costs in the future. It has been a great stepping stone to get us from the busy school calendar to a more autonomous life style by providing us with a structured learning environment we were all familiar with, but if we need to stop going next year, I trust the alternative will be enriching also.
When I notice my head running ahead of myself, planning, erking a little about "What have we quantifiably done today ?!", I let the muscles relax, light a fire and we all sit together for a bit. This is the heart of my home ed decision. Being together. Learning together, grappling sometimes sure, all out fighting sometimes sure, but doing it together at the hearthside of our home environment.
Equally I may just go find them with my book/knitting or similar, and be in the same room, present. What a gift to each other to be fully present.
Whilst the groups are fun, meeting up with others is essential for us, there is one fortnightly session that costs considerably more and we may not be able to meet the costs in the future. It has been a great stepping stone to get us from the busy school calendar to a more autonomous life style by providing us with a structured learning environment we were all familiar with, but if we need to stop going next year, I trust the alternative will be enriching also.
When I notice my head running ahead of myself, planning, erking a little about "What have we quantifiably done today ?!", I let the muscles relax, light a fire and we all sit together for a bit. This is the heart of my home ed decision. Being together. Learning together, grappling sometimes sure, all out fighting sometimes sure, but doing it together at the hearthside of our home environment.
Equally I may just go find them with my book/knitting or similar, and be in the same room, present. What a gift to each other to be fully present.
Thursday, 22 March 2012
Yes!
Within moments of making the home ed choice, a blazing and beautiful doorway opened for me. This was the doorway of saying Yes! to the kids. Being fully available for them in the daytimes to me sums up what we're doing here. Running with questions they may have, holding them when they want to be held, an immediacy to responding to their cues making parenting less of a head-jam and more of a living-in-the-moment bliss.
Because no matter how wildly my (left-sided) brain likes to dominate, forge forwards, solve problems, create order, control, limit and understand, immediate needs within the family space bring me right into this space, here and now and this is the greatest gift any human being can give to another, time, attention and presence.
Because no matter how wildly my (left-sided) brain likes to dominate, forge forwards, solve problems, create order, control, limit and understand, immediate needs within the family space bring me right into this space, here and now and this is the greatest gift any human being can give to another, time, attention and presence.
Monday, 19 March 2012
Letting Go (Again!)
So the process of letting go control is still happening. A friend who has home schooled since the beginning with her 4 boys says that for families who leave school (as opposed to those who never try school) its as much the parents who are deschooling as the children.
I really agree with this. I've returned to the art of 'strewing' (only recently found our there is a word for it!) which is leaving things around and about that the kids may or may not find interesting, useful, inspiring, springboard them off into an interest..
I find it challenging at the moment to let go of my expectations of what might happen. Each day I am finding more and more that the process of learning is like building blocks, where pathways are laid, weeks (months,years) may pass before that area is returned to to lay foundations or build. Or a whole storey may be built in a day.
http://sandradodd.com/life
for inspiring heartening reminders on unschooling
No matter how much theory I learned as a trainee teacher, its being with my own kids that is showing me this. And this learning in partnership is where I feel we are fitting into the unschooling model where all of life is seen as a learning experience for adults and children alike.
I really agree with this. I've returned to the art of 'strewing' (only recently found our there is a word for it!) which is leaving things around and about that the kids may or may not find interesting, useful, inspiring, springboard them off into an interest..
I find it challenging at the moment to let go of my expectations of what might happen. Each day I am finding more and more that the process of learning is like building blocks, where pathways are laid, weeks (months,years) may pass before that area is returned to to lay foundations or build. Or a whole storey may be built in a day.
http://sandradodd.com/life
for inspiring heartening reminders on unschooling
No matter how much theory I learned as a trainee teacher, its being with my own kids that is showing me this. And this learning in partnership is where I feel we are fitting into the unschooling model where all of life is seen as a learning experience for adults and children alike.
Love this reminder
This is a daily free enewsletters I get - often the words are very helpful for where my experience is...
THE DAILY GROOVE ~ by Scott Noelle
www.enjoyparenting.com/
www.enjoyparenting.com/
:: No Regrets ::
As you progress and become a wiser parent, you may at
times feel regret that you didn't "know better" when
your children were younger. You may even feel guilty
for "damaging" them. If so, let Mother Nature inspire
you to a more hopeful perspective.
Have you ever explored a wild forest and appreciated
the awesome way in which Life springs forth from the
chaos? Then you know Mother Nature never regrets. She
learns as she goes and always makes the best of things
as they are. She never looks back.
When a tree takes root in the shadows, Mother Nature
doesn't regret giving it a "sub-optimum" start in
life. She trusts it will bend toward the Light and
find a way to thrive. And in doing so, the tree
creates its own unique beauty.
She knows that no storm, flood, or fire can stop the
endless Flow of Life through her children.
http://dailygroove.net/no-
Take the next step...
Join the PATH Program:
http://www.enjoyparenting.com/
Get "The Daily Groove" BOOK!
http://www.enjoyparenting.com/
Share this groove on...
(Please include this paragraph and everything above.)
Copyright (c) 2012 by Scott Noelle
PATH Program members: See WHAT'S NEW
"Inspiration & Coaching for Progressive Parents"http://www.ScottNoelle.com
http://www.EnjoyParenting.com
PO Box 19901
Portland, OR 97280
USA
Monday, 17 October 2011
when to lead and when to be led
OK so i got a bit cocky. its all been going well for about a week - woo hoo. A winning plan has been setting up little learning experiences around the home, particularly in the mornings -- lace cards, washing line low down, that was this morning. April very much appears to be self teaching, reading her books in bed, following her own flow. I feel very much still in this deschooling state with her in particular.
Today a friend came round and introduced the idea of going to the woods for chestnuts. J didn't want to go, ill. I seize the moment, chuck veg in a pan for soup when we get back and we go. Its good.
We come back have soup and then kids are playing.....
Its Monday, we normally go swimming on a Monday afternoon..... I fall back on this plan, even though the kids are playing pretty well... stick to the plan stick to the plan...
The plan kind of pushed us too far tiredness wise. Particularly when I then tried to entice my middle into number line thinking when we got back ??!! (no idea where the sense to try that came from , other than thats what I wanted to try in my head last night..!) But heh its ok - I've stopped jumping to the conclusion that we should give up home ed every time i have a wobble (even though my middle casually asked to go back to school at tea time following my clumsy number line silliness....)
All good. Even on this bad day, it is not compounded by seeing lots of others and spinning off into other trips... I am missing good solid meal preparing support, but I always was during the school years too so thats nothing new. Getting better at asking for help :)
I just pushed it
Today a friend came round and introduced the idea of going to the woods for chestnuts. J didn't want to go, ill. I seize the moment, chuck veg in a pan for soup when we get back and we go. Its good.
We come back have soup and then kids are playing.....
Its Monday, we normally go swimming on a Monday afternoon..... I fall back on this plan, even though the kids are playing pretty well... stick to the plan stick to the plan...
The plan kind of pushed us too far tiredness wise. Particularly when I then tried to entice my middle into number line thinking when we got back ??!! (no idea where the sense to try that came from , other than thats what I wanted to try in my head last night..!) But heh its ok - I've stopped jumping to the conclusion that we should give up home ed every time i have a wobble (even though my middle casually asked to go back to school at tea time following my clumsy number line silliness....)
All good. Even on this bad day, it is not compounded by seeing lots of others and spinning off into other trips... I am missing good solid meal preparing support, but I always was during the school years too so thats nothing new. Getting better at asking for help :)
I just pushed it
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