Most days I find myself really checking in and finding how incredibly different I feel about life now that the kids are with me more. I feel fully able to parent, guide, partner them in their childhood stages.
Today a titanic tantrum from my middle, made a 15 minute walk to nearly an hour. We've all experienced that, sure. Lots of calm thoughts, balancing between disengaging and engaging as best I could - did fairly well this time actually, in allowing the rage to come out and let it pass without getting too caught up in it myself :) It was easier to do this bcs I had a full awareness of what was being expressed. There was very little unknown about what she was upset about.
I used to find when they had been around many many other kids all day, they were processing alot both at school and afterwards. It was harder for me to be clear about what reaction was appropriate from me when a melt-down occurred. Also there was a lot more stress around us if the tantrum took place when we had a time deadline for example. I also had a lot to process that had happened during my day away from them and there simply wasn't the time to catch up with each other and keep that family cohesion.
I like home ed because its put back at the centre the reason I had kids in the first place.
Friday 30 March 2012
Monday 26 March 2012
What we're doing is OK!
I am getting used to being out and about with the kids during school time. I no longer scurry along with my head down, trying to keep the kids as quiet as possible. Some days feel more radical than others, depending I'm sure on how I'm feeling but punctuated by the responses from adults around us on our journey.
Now the sun is shining, its glorious to be free to roam and experience the world in spring. There is still a teensy bit of me that is looking for external validation for our choice although thankfully it is becoming more distant by the day. The confirmation that what we are doing is right for us, for now, is in looking at their faces, feeling an inner calm (even mid-tantrum!) that we're all together and we're moving forwards, its as simple as that.
Now the sun is shining, its glorious to be free to roam and experience the world in spring. There is still a teensy bit of me that is looking for external validation for our choice although thankfully it is becoming more distant by the day. The confirmation that what we are doing is right for us, for now, is in looking at their faces, feeling an inner calm (even mid-tantrum!) that we're all together and we're moving forwards, its as simple as that.
Thursday 22 March 2012
Love spelled T.I.M.E.
I touched on a book some years ago called 'What Mothers Do' by Naomi Stadlen
It lays out on the page. descriptions of mothering to replace some absurd but deeply rooted belief that it looks like nothing.
I have recently needed to come back to this reevaluation of my role as I've been plagued with unconscious thoughts that somehow home educating is a doss, a drop out of society thing, something to do to allay our frustrations at being unemployed for the third year in a row, suffocating our children's right to have fun in school, irresponsible, selfish; the list could go on if I chose to let it.
Through conversation with our life coach who herself home educated, Sally Lever (here's an excellent article she has written about this), I have been working to listen to those demons and put them to rest. Here, Sally talks about valuing what we do, accepting support and payment from wherever it comes as exchange for the work we do.
And so I rustily tried this technique of honouring what I do and I really recommend it because like any exchange where one is giving time and presence in any space in our communities, by choosing to home educate, we are contributing priceless amounts into the present and the future.
I still struggle I think with allowing myself the choice to do this and realising, really realising, that there is no one to answer to, no one to request permission from to personally oversee my children's education and life preparation. Its a taste of freedom long forgotten through lifetimes and I embrace it lovingly.
It lays out on the page. descriptions of mothering to replace some absurd but deeply rooted belief that it looks like nothing.
I have recently needed to come back to this reevaluation of my role as I've been plagued with unconscious thoughts that somehow home educating is a doss, a drop out of society thing, something to do to allay our frustrations at being unemployed for the third year in a row, suffocating our children's right to have fun in school, irresponsible, selfish; the list could go on if I chose to let it.
Through conversation with our life coach who herself home educated, Sally Lever (here's an excellent article she has written about this), I have been working to listen to those demons and put them to rest. Here, Sally talks about valuing what we do, accepting support and payment from wherever it comes as exchange for the work we do.
And so I rustily tried this technique of honouring what I do and I really recommend it because like any exchange where one is giving time and presence in any space in our communities, by choosing to home educate, we are contributing priceless amounts into the present and the future.
I still struggle I think with allowing myself the choice to do this and realising, really realising, that there is no one to answer to, no one to request permission from to personally oversee my children's education and life preparation. Its a taste of freedom long forgotten through lifetimes and I embrace it lovingly.
Yes!
Within moments of making the home ed choice, a blazing and beautiful doorway opened for me. This was the doorway of saying Yes! to the kids. Being fully available for them in the daytimes to me sums up what we're doing here. Running with questions they may have, holding them when they want to be held, an immediacy to responding to their cues making parenting less of a head-jam and more of a living-in-the-moment bliss.
Because no matter how wildly my (left-sided) brain likes to dominate, forge forwards, solve problems, create order, control, limit and understand, immediate needs within the family space bring me right into this space, here and now and this is the greatest gift any human being can give to another, time, attention and presence.
Because no matter how wildly my (left-sided) brain likes to dominate, forge forwards, solve problems, create order, control, limit and understand, immediate needs within the family space bring me right into this space, here and now and this is the greatest gift any human being can give to another, time, attention and presence.
Monday 19 March 2012
Total Revolution
Reflecting today with other home ed parents at just how wildly different this lifestyle choice is.
Its not so surprising that our choice to unschool has led us down a path where complete transformation awaits us! Take out the 8am crush and 3pm melt down (I know it wasn't that bad every day! I'm paraphrasing) and what do you get? A space for new boundary setting within the relationships, a new trust where choice is rekindled, a new rhythm to the day, week, month, year. A setup that can morph, adapt and weave in new needs as required. An environment where listening to the changing needs of growing and developing bairns is unavoidable!
In this house it has become a regular request of one or another to say "Parle!" (parlay!) meaning 'I've Got Something To Say!' and we're learning to get the talking stick out and listen to each other.
Where we as parents are choosing to balance mental intelligence with emotional intelligence, self awareness and social awareness within our every day experience and whilst it can seem the strangest thing, for me the biggest revolution has been that we are simply doing this together. They are still so small and I feel a hundred times better in my own wellbeing to feel them under my wing. Not saying that wing's perfect but its mine, and I'm Mum.
Its not so surprising that our choice to unschool has led us down a path where complete transformation awaits us! Take out the 8am crush and 3pm melt down (I know it wasn't that bad every day! I'm paraphrasing) and what do you get? A space for new boundary setting within the relationships, a new trust where choice is rekindled, a new rhythm to the day, week, month, year. A setup that can morph, adapt and weave in new needs as required. An environment where listening to the changing needs of growing and developing bairns is unavoidable!
In this house it has become a regular request of one or another to say "Parle!" (parlay!) meaning 'I've Got Something To Say!' and we're learning to get the talking stick out and listen to each other.
Where we as parents are choosing to balance mental intelligence with emotional intelligence, self awareness and social awareness within our every day experience and whilst it can seem the strangest thing, for me the biggest revolution has been that we are simply doing this together. They are still so small and I feel a hundred times better in my own wellbeing to feel them under my wing. Not saying that wing's perfect but its mine, and I'm Mum.
Letting Go (Again!)
So the process of letting go control is still happening. A friend who has home schooled since the beginning with her 4 boys says that for families who leave school (as opposed to those who never try school) its as much the parents who are deschooling as the children.
I really agree with this. I've returned to the art of 'strewing' (only recently found our there is a word for it!) which is leaving things around and about that the kids may or may not find interesting, useful, inspiring, springboard them off into an interest..
I find it challenging at the moment to let go of my expectations of what might happen. Each day I am finding more and more that the process of learning is like building blocks, where pathways are laid, weeks (months,years) may pass before that area is returned to to lay foundations or build. Or a whole storey may be built in a day.
http://sandradodd.com/life
for inspiring heartening reminders on unschooling
No matter how much theory I learned as a trainee teacher, its being with my own kids that is showing me this. And this learning in partnership is where I feel we are fitting into the unschooling model where all of life is seen as a learning experience for adults and children alike.
I really agree with this. I've returned to the art of 'strewing' (only recently found our there is a word for it!) which is leaving things around and about that the kids may or may not find interesting, useful, inspiring, springboard them off into an interest..
I find it challenging at the moment to let go of my expectations of what might happen. Each day I am finding more and more that the process of learning is like building blocks, where pathways are laid, weeks (months,years) may pass before that area is returned to to lay foundations or build. Or a whole storey may be built in a day.
http://sandradodd.com/life
for inspiring heartening reminders on unschooling
No matter how much theory I learned as a trainee teacher, its being with my own kids that is showing me this. And this learning in partnership is where I feel we are fitting into the unschooling model where all of life is seen as a learning experience for adults and children alike.
Love this reminder
This is a daily free enewsletters I get - often the words are very helpful for where my experience is...
THE DAILY GROOVE ~ by Scott Noelle
www.enjoyparenting.com/
www.enjoyparenting.com/
:: No Regrets ::
As you progress and become a wiser parent, you may at
times feel regret that you didn't "know better" when
your children were younger. You may even feel guilty
for "damaging" them. If so, let Mother Nature inspire
you to a more hopeful perspective.
Have you ever explored a wild forest and appreciated
the awesome way in which Life springs forth from the
chaos? Then you know Mother Nature never regrets. She
learns as she goes and always makes the best of things
as they are. She never looks back.
When a tree takes root in the shadows, Mother Nature
doesn't regret giving it a "sub-optimum" start in
life. She trusts it will bend toward the Light and
find a way to thrive. And in doing so, the tree
creates its own unique beauty.
She knows that no storm, flood, or fire can stop the
endless Flow of Life through her children.
http://dailygroove.net/no-
Take the next step...
Join the PATH Program:
http://www.enjoyparenting.com/
Get "The Daily Groove" BOOK!
http://www.enjoyparenting.com/
Share this groove on...
(Please include this paragraph and everything above.)
Copyright (c) 2012 by Scott Noelle
PATH Program members: See WHAT'S NEW
"Inspiration & Coaching for Progressive Parents"http://www.ScottNoelle.com
http://www.EnjoyParenting.com
PO Box 19901
Portland, OR 97280
USA
Tuesday 13 March 2012
Food Glorious Food!
There are a few things that come up under this heading for us making the transition from school to home ed.
We find our kids are affected by the kinds of food they eat and the environment around them while they are eating. I always found packed lunches hard as we have never really done the sandwiches thing, not more than once a week really. Often I would pick the children up and find that very little had been eaten of their lunch. Our preference was hot dinners but these were still heavy on the meat/wheat/dairy/sugar intake in comparison to our diet at home.
We qualified for free school dinners for the last year or so before we left, and this added up to £80 per month for both children! Great service! Financially it may have impacted us, now being responsible for those meals at home, but it adds to the long list of empowering factors about home ed, because now the children are involved in planning and preparing meals, there is a high portion of organic and local ingredients. They and us can play a deciding role in whether they eat sugary puddings or not which means we can be ready for the sugar low if it comes.
We find our kids are affected by the kinds of food they eat and the environment around them while they are eating. I always found packed lunches hard as we have never really done the sandwiches thing, not more than once a week really. Often I would pick the children up and find that very little had been eaten of their lunch. Our preference was hot dinners but these were still heavy on the meat/wheat/dairy/sugar intake in comparison to our diet at home.
We qualified for free school dinners for the last year or so before we left, and this added up to £80 per month for both children! Great service! Financially it may have impacted us, now being responsible for those meals at home, but it adds to the long list of empowering factors about home ed, because now the children are involved in planning and preparing meals, there is a high portion of organic and local ingredients. They and us can play a deciding role in whether they eat sugary puddings or not which means we can be ready for the sugar low if it comes.
Sunday 11 March 2012
If I find it boring, I can bet the kids will
I've been flicking through some resources today, memories of activities I did at school that light a candle somewhere in my head. But worksheets man...
As a young newly qualified teacher I gained some satisfaction from the setting out of a new worksheet. I'm a bit of a stationary fan, and I enjoy making it look just right. It was a way that I could take info from several workbooks and frame the lesson around the best of the books. This was great for classes of 30. But I also found my soul falling asleep with these worksheets, with rote learning activities and with comprehension tests.
At home, these questions can be checked out while folding the washing, eating lunch or in the bath. I know that they know and spelling it out just isn't necessary.
And so now I'm choosing resources by that feeling in my heart. A "Woo-hoo - This looks/feels Good". Its not a head thing (is that because the kids are young I wonder, will it all get more 'serious' as they get older?) There's always an instinctive way to present and explore life together. And if it doesn't come, then wait for another moment :)
As a young newly qualified teacher I gained some satisfaction from the setting out of a new worksheet. I'm a bit of a stationary fan, and I enjoy making it look just right. It was a way that I could take info from several workbooks and frame the lesson around the best of the books. This was great for classes of 30. But I also found my soul falling asleep with these worksheets, with rote learning activities and with comprehension tests.
At home, these questions can be checked out while folding the washing, eating lunch or in the bath. I know that they know and spelling it out just isn't necessary.
And so now I'm choosing resources by that feeling in my heart. A "Woo-hoo - This looks/feels Good". Its not a head thing (is that because the kids are young I wonder, will it all get more 'serious' as they get older?) There's always an instinctive way to present and explore life together. And if it doesn't come, then wait for another moment :)
Thursday 8 March 2012
mindful care and attention
A few things to say..
The resources I put together for the kids are carefully , lovingly made as I know some of the resources their teachers at school were put together. How wholesome that the materials that they learn with have been created with heart and inspiration that drops from the heavens, using my hands to express and materialise a concept or idea that might help them on their way.
I've picked up a guitar with purpose today, looking fwd to exercising these sleepy fingers into belting out some singalong songs that I hope to invite other kids along to.
Swimming lessons, being together, wondering where it will lead - the unknown of will they ever learn to swim under my guidance (!) (with the help of an usbourne book and other friends I talk it through with) and the thought that yes probably they will and how exciting it is to tread that path and to be a full part of a skill being grasped.
A sense of not wanting to meddle in their development. Simply answer the questions, allow inspiration to guide with any tools along the way, allow the wonderment of exploration and learning in every moment, prioritise it and trust in the unfolding.
If an idea is worth running with it will make itself known. Sometimes a subject is one question for now and won't be looked at for weeks, if ever again. Some seem ongoing, the ebb and flow as the child picks up however much they need right now and then lets it settle before reinforcing and carrying it forwards.
Thats all for now.
The resources I put together for the kids are carefully , lovingly made as I know some of the resources their teachers at school were put together. How wholesome that the materials that they learn with have been created with heart and inspiration that drops from the heavens, using my hands to express and materialise a concept or idea that might help them on their way.
I've picked up a guitar with purpose today, looking fwd to exercising these sleepy fingers into belting out some singalong songs that I hope to invite other kids along to.
Swimming lessons, being together, wondering where it will lead - the unknown of will they ever learn to swim under my guidance (!) (with the help of an usbourne book and other friends I talk it through with) and the thought that yes probably they will and how exciting it is to tread that path and to be a full part of a skill being grasped.
A sense of not wanting to meddle in their development. Simply answer the questions, allow inspiration to guide with any tools along the way, allow the wonderment of exploration and learning in every moment, prioritise it and trust in the unfolding.
If an idea is worth running with it will make itself known. Sometimes a subject is one question for now and won't be looked at for weeks, if ever again. Some seem ongoing, the ebb and flow as the child picks up however much they need right now and then lets it settle before reinforcing and carrying it forwards.
Thats all for now.
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