Out of the Way Mama!!

Today I've been practising the art of staying out of Learning's way. Not physically, as we're all in pretty close proximity around here :) but keeping my thoughts to myself a lot, watching my habit of suggesting, asking and generally butting in to the children's flow. Keeping my focus on my own thing, preparing food, making a card for a friend, other jobs about me, following my own flow which all contributes to letting them follow their own. Also playing, joining in, as appropriate when the (many) opportunities came.

In the Shift film I mentioned (Wayne Dyer) there's a simple sequence where he speaks to a mother of two about how children have their own internal compass - "Let them use it". Rather than 'Can you get your shoes on?', 'Can you brush your hair?', 'Pick up your things now please', 'Can I help you stick that poster up?' (so its more pleasing to my eye and not on the wonk!), 'I think you'll find it easier like this' etc.etc.

Part of this process is about letting go of my ego (or whatever you want to call it)'s hold on what should be happening - a lot of my comments and queries are from a place of anxiety or need for control. It was really relaxing to let go of them, I thoroughly enjoyed the day, handing over this need to grip hold of how the day is shifting.

(I also had a gluten and sugar free day accidentally which may contribute to me feeling calmer)

Here's a list of what happened (and this was all before we got out of our pyjamas!) Again, this is simply what presented itself without me managing anything or leading particularly - except perhaps the spelling and numbers bit with Elderflower which naturally unfolded that way, simply doing as much as she wanted without pushing it. The rest of it was their own flow.

Elderflower recognised an aerial picture of a hurricane and the eye.

We talked about which of our relatives may be able to tell us what it was like to live through the second world war.

Some discussion about dinosaurs, skeletons, fossils, eggs and how the archeologists and scientists have come up with the images of what they think they looked like

The end of the dinosaurs, volcano, meteorite - ice age, whats that, how does it happen?

Pyramids, can you lift one?

Putting up posters, negotiating where to put them.

Blackberry read a story to E and S over breakfast.

Why gloves sometimes have the thumb pointing upwards rather than lying flat - the physiology of the hand.

Counting 1-10 Sunburst

Holidays - why does it take so long to get there?

Game of Happy Families with Flags of the World

Drawing pictures of butterflies and labelling them

Elderflower reading our last chapter together, savouring the book (not wanting it to end!), some spellings, some numbers - practising how hundreds look

Blackberry makes some small bags for her siblings and cousins out of fabric with her sewing machine and puts in some conker pets in them, wraps them all up, labels to give to them later.

Checking out the height chart and seeing if it can be cheated.

I stopped writing the list at midday when we had our lunch. Had a lovely day x

Just how autonomous can you get?!?

Its a pleasure to have Blogger back, our computer has been poorly for a week or two. There's been many a moment when I've wanted to get blogging again!

The beginning of our second year home educating, in a much more relaxed state than this time last year (and still a little room for more comfort next year as we continue to settle into this lifestyle).

In the first week as the rest of the neighbourhood children got into their schooling timetable, I came home from the shop at 11am to find all mine hanging on the front gate, hollering at me down the road. They'd only been in the front garden for a few moments (I was told after my overreaction!) but my instinct was to tell them all off and hurry them inside. I seemed acutely sensitive to drawing attention to ourselves. If we are seen to be not at school, at least lets seem to be working, focused, taking life seriously.... (!)

Perhaps some of this was the initial shock of all the children disappearing again. How it becomes normal to have such a limited number of age-groups around during the daytimes. The inviting of young people into institutions so that any still with their families seem out-of-place is frightening.

Anyway, I'm over it now!

And the point of this post was about planning. And how we do little in this house, and yet how clear it is where the progressions are, where to go next. The questions from the children pile in minute after minute. I remember reading in Ross Mountney's book her tip was to not plan further than a few days ahead and this advice sits well with us. Whilst I have the urges to map it out, I am learning more and more to trust where they go with things, they have their own map. So far this suits us just fine, in fact I feel very lucky that I can trust their process as it removes us parents from the driver's seat and puts us all co-piloting.

It has taken the de-schooling period for this love and thirst to be replenished, particularly for Blackberry the eldest. She now totally gets that its not up to us to feed her information, she has many projects and pursuits on the go. She joins in with us sometimes, she goes off sometimes. She doesn't wish to be taught, and we are navigating our ways to communicate more successfully each month that passes.

Elderflower is our teacher's pet (!!) in that she allows Papa Weststar in particular to lead and teach in its more traditional sense. Its a gift I think that she lets us follow a little thought pattern path with her for an hour or two, happily sinking her teeth into the suggested tasks. She has violin lessons and loves it. She's up for most things.

I never thought i'd be an autonomous educator. I became so schooled myself in traditional chalk and talk methods that they felt like the safest route. I knew no different. And yet in autonomy I find great comfort and happiness. Like the walls that hemmed me in imagining that life was just one long straight line from A to B have crumbled and fallen and I can dance wherever I choose. Going with the flow of the day, being present with their questions whether we are in the house, garden, city, county. Except for one hour after lunch and from 7pm onwards, I'm their's, we're together and we're doing the cha-cha-cha! - One step forwards one step backwards.......!

eye on the ball

I can often focus on what's not working which is what the last post was about. Now I'll swing the other way and celebrate the learning that has gone on in the last week. We are doing less structured stuff which may be why my mind is free to spiral off into its doubts! Another stage of deschooling I imagine.

Waterloo Park in Norwich. We sketched, we drew patterns, we caught insects, the girls played in the sand. We explored the effect of the sun on the different colours, materials, textures around us simply sensing with bare feet and hands. We caught tadpoles and brought a handful home who have had stories written about them, have been heavily researched in the library and on the web to make sure their environment is appropriate for continued growth.

Our biggest (I must find a pseudonym for these gorgeous kids!) prefers not to be taught. She likes to find out on her own. She starts and stops hundreds of thought trains in a day and once she's got her teeth into one she's off; reams of studying, picturing, describing. She has had success with a maths book but no other workbook so far.

Our middle is pretty much up for anything. She loves craft, cuddling and animals (not necessarily in that order!) She is happy to engage with most things we present to her, so much so that I want to hold back and let her find her own direction with things. There are four other family members who would present her with stuff all day, delighting in her amiability, but then she craves quiet time to assimilate and remember who she is.

We've written out a time line 1900 to present day looking at the different birth years of close friends/family.

We've read, written, counted, sang, danced, stretched, weeded, planted, watered, cried, laughed, been thankful, been sad, fought, hugged, hidden. We've cooked, eaten, watched, listened, created, travelled, played, imagined, dreamed, typed, phoned, swung, batted, discovered, asked, rested.

Its nice to see that written down!

Total Revolution

Reflecting today with other home ed parents at just how wildly different this lifestyle choice is.

Its not so surprising that our choice to unschool has led us down a path where complete transformation awaits us! Take out the 8am crush and 3pm melt down (I know it wasn't that bad every day! I'm paraphrasing) and what do you get? A space for new boundary setting within the relationships, a new trust where choice is rekindled, a new rhythm to the day, week, month, year. A setup that can morph, adapt and weave in new needs as required. An environment where listening to the changing needs of growing and developing bairns is unavoidable!

In this house it has become a regular request of one or another to say "Parle!" (parlay!) meaning 'I've Got Something To Say!' and we're learning to get the talking stick out and listen to each other.

Where we as parents are choosing to balance mental intelligence with emotional intelligence, self awareness and social awareness within our every day experience and whilst it can seem the strangest thing, for me the biggest revolution has been that we are simply doing this together. They are still so small and I feel a hundred times better in my own wellbeing to feel them under my wing. Not saying that wing's perfect but its mine, and I'm Mum.

Letting Go (Again!)

So the process of letting go control is still happening. A friend who has home schooled since the beginning with her 4 boys says that for families who leave school (as opposed to those who never try school) its as much the parents who are deschooling as the children.

I really agree with this. I've returned to the art of 'strewing' (only recently found our there is a word for it!) which is leaving things around and about that the kids may or may not find interesting, useful, inspiring, springboard them off into an interest..

I find it challenging at the moment to let go of my expectations of what might happen. Each day I am finding more and more that the process of learning is like building blocks, where pathways are laid, weeks (months,years) may pass before that area is returned to to lay foundations or build. Or a whole storey may be built in a day.

http://sandradodd.com/life
for inspiring heartening reminders on unschooling

No matter how much theory I learned as a trainee teacher, its being with my own kids that is showing me this. And this learning in partnership is where I feel we are fitting into the unschooling model where all of life is seen as a learning experience for adults and children alike.