...versus Mama Tiger

Well after a day of non-interference (see the last post) I nearly exploded (I was trying it a little too conscientiously I think!) And I was back to growling when required and sticking my oar in sometimes unskillfully. I am in fact human.

Lots of positive stuff is going on - I'll go into those another time. Current challenges: Blackberry's anger bursts of frustration dominating the room of otherwise chilled-out family-members, a disregard for something we'd (I thought) agreed as a family to remove ourselves from the room for explosions and re-enter when we're calm... Oops I could growl quite a bit about my eldest right now actually and I want to protect the privacy of our relationship by holding my tongue a bit.

Its hard eh, parenting, seeing the mirror, knowing when to let go and when to push, when to react, when to ignore -- and if I try to be too skilled and ordered in my responses I eventually reach a place where I can't hold on to my carefulness anymore. It all presents itself to me in an avalanche of worries, frustrations, criticisms of her and me simultaneously, reaching up to the heavens for some guidance on how the heck we move through it, fear that somehow the day has been ruined by this blot on family life, fear that she will never learn anything if she has such a short attention span and threshold for disappointment... it all comes crashing down on top of me and I momentarily break.

One thing that I feel has changed for me in the last year or so is that I'm OK with letting that Mama Tiger out -- I try to let it out in one blast if I get pushed to that place (and generally their are lots of warnings when Mummy is approaching that place!), walk off, out of the space to recentre and make myself safe again and then drop it. I don't hold grudges (as far as I can). We call it putting on our Teflon Suit - non-stick, let it go, drop it.

Lots of forgiveness, lots of compassion - we're all just trying to work it out, moment by moment. She's incredible I know, quite an exquisite soul learning the limits to her behaviour and gifts, like all souls here on earth right now. May I be authentic in my role within her exploration, its OK to be a tiger sometimes.