Being me without the distractions

Start writing and it will come. Floods of feelings about projects planned, begun and aborted, other projects not planned and yet blossoming beautifully unbidden by my conscious mind.

My favourite quote this last week is :

"When I let go of what I want, I ready myself to receive what is truly mine.

The second of these is the greater gift."

Anita Moorjani: Dying to Be Me (from memory so not word for word)

I have been Very Grumpy at the moment, my hormones are raging through my system, my tolerance level is low - high - low- high !!! I am grieving the loss of the plans that I had before I became pregnant. The loss of the me I was familiar with before, what I was able to manage physically and mentally, what I was hoping to manage over the next couple of years.

And much that I love having babies and adore my children, I have this sense that I'm again sitting back on my heels, that my power has been taken away, that I must sit this one out.

Thanks for hearing that, I totally trust that my discomfort will pass and that it is all part of the seamless tapestry. I welcome this little soul and feel joyful about it too, just have no idea about the rest of our lives!

Surrender, I think is the key.

I can not control how I am viewed by the outside world, no matter what my perception of that worldview is. The only person judging me is probably myself!

For me, the swiftest way to process painful feelings is to express them and indulge them, get right in there and explore the territory. I have been writing my feelings down, talking when I can, identifying the things I need in my life to support me.

The only things I have lost are hot air really, the bits that my mind had mapped out for myself. The bits I thought defined me, defined how I am in the world, what my role is (particularly outside of the family). What I've gained is a totally new horizon where I trust I will be guided and led to continue my true growth as human being.

I believe really the only thing that we can be certain of during life on Earth is that is full of change and chaos! I welcome the opportunity to get better at coping with this truth.

I hope that you are well and that you are nurturing yourself wherever change and chaos persist in your own lives.
Namaste
Ali x