So the dynamic in this house has reached a shift point again. We have a middle who's possibly looking at returning to school in September and an eldest who's displaying really tired, manic growing pains. I only just looked at us today and realised how much of a storm we're appearing to be. One calling out (unconsciously) for major simplifying, back-to-earth stability while the other is reaching out for more stimulation, more people..
And how can we provide that as home educating parents? I'd love to know your thoughts.
My intuition says that the key is in communicating as a family, finding a space to talk a little about our differing needs, make some plans where the one who's craving to get out can get out and the one who has burnt-out can have some quiet time. And in the mix is the three and a half year old!! One minute the cuddliest, most thoughtful, cooperative bear.. the next, screaming that he wants a sweeeeeett for half an hour.
Surely this is where the richness is, I can feel it as I write that this is the thick of life, human relationships, learning to live together. But maybe its too heavy for Middle? Maybe she'll get a break by going back into a classroom? Or will she just pick up loads of other family madness and not have the support to process it all?
One thing as a mum I would like to let go of the assumption I have carried with me that I need to answer all their needs. Just me. Its time for that one to head for the door!!
And yet I want to do enough to support them, help them find what they need (at the same time as making sure my own needs are met and my relationship is functioning well!) No small task!
Wow, mums are ace. Trusting all shall be well.
I could have written this! It is so familiar to me and I understand what you are experiencing on a deep level. The thing is this. Unschooling literature makes life sound like one big joyful party, all day every day, else you must be doing it wrong.. The folks who write about it, have a different family dynamic to us, perhaps having both parents in the picture for most of the time. Since no two families have the same dynamic it's hard to write things that will always ring true for each family. Managing the needs of different children is going to be absolutely unique in each household. No book, blog, website, or guru, holds every answer. I feel thoroughly depressed some days after reading certain unschooling literature because in spite of my best efforts to be cool with everything, to never ever be grouchy or snappy or tired, or serve food that is anything less than 100% wholesome, there start to be so many shoulds that just getting through the day without feeling like a massive failure is a good day!!! And in fact wew can get so hung up on being good unschoolers that we can lose sight and potentially become bad parents, modelling neglect of our own needs as if that we're something really good- when in fact it can just leave us feeling really drained and empty. I take inspiration from unschooling wisdom, but don't live by it as if it were a religion. I know it works fantastically for lots of people, but it's not always an easy thing to follow every minute of every day.... And those who promote it as a kind of family nirvana may well just have an easier time of things and not so much other crap to deal with. Since Steiner is expensive, and mainstream school is not always ideal, I do think homeschooling, and even unschooling are the best model but it's by no means easy or any more a route to shiny happy living on a permanent level any more than any other science/religious ideology/ etc etc.... :-) its ok to be human and to follow your own heart and respond to your children as individuals, applying different methods for each! As you say, unschooling may suit one, schooling may suit another, homeschooling more formally may suit yet another - it doesn't really matter to anyone else but you guys how you do it X
ReplyDeleteyep I agree :) we're forging our own path from the many available!! x
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