Our eldest (approaching 8 - would be year 3) has regressed back to the age she was when first in school. She carries a doll everywhere, pushes it in the pram, reads to it, washes it etc. Quite moving. At the same time she misses some friends from school but seems to totally embrace this new decision of ours to home school. Punch and Judy's theatre is painted and awaiting curtains. The puppets have heads and sticks and are awaiting clothes. She just spent half an hour strumming her guitar (self taught) and singing her heart out to an old second hand Apuskidu book and is now avidly lapping up a trivia book before sleep. Seems she likes learning in the evening.
Our middle (approaching 6 - would be year 1) has some mornings joining in the lessons with her older sister, reflecting on our beach trip yesterday and exploring the crab skeleton we brought back. Using usbourne reading books from the library. Some khan academy basic addition and subtraction so far. And also enjoys joining in the community preschool music group with her younger brother or plenty of individual play in her room or with her rabbit in the shed.
Our youngest (3) is loving having the girls at home and the more relaxed flow of our days. He is more confident. Life makes more sense to him and to us the more we get used to this new rhythm.
I've been noticing the lack of 'free time' this week for the first time, where I used to grab cleaning moments, or some head space when everyone was at school or asleep. But this is all about tweaking the details. I haven't regretted the decision for a minute and embrace the challenge of getting each of our individual and collective needs met. We are far more able to work towards this aim when they are at home with us for however long or short this arrangement works.
Friday 30 September 2011
Monday 12 September 2011
Becoming a bit more normal
Wow what a gift to be able to hang out with my kids all day, to not have the pressures of where to be at what time with what items. We have been out of paid work for 2 years, I tried a year of self-employment and J volunteers every week plus of course applying for tens of jobs each fortnight and keeping our feelers open all the times for opportunities.
This choice to take the kids back to the home, for however long or short as unfolds, has been one of the most empowering things I have ever done. I had no idea quite what a big impact school was having on us. I am glad to have passed through the fear barrier that swamped me last week and now have arrived at a more relaxed place.
We are of course checking in with the kids (if not verbally then just taking a moment to consider how they are, whether this is still OK, whether they are missing school too much etc.) and for us it has taken back some confidence, some power.
We are both teachers and to be using our craft again is great. I will be using it differently as I am seeing learning in such a different way to the prescriptive format I learned (or understood) as a young teacher, but hey, I'm doing what I'm good at, enjoying time with these precious kids, listening mostly, playing and relaxing. Life makes sense again. :)
This choice to take the kids back to the home, for however long or short as unfolds, has been one of the most empowering things I have ever done. I had no idea quite what a big impact school was having on us. I am glad to have passed through the fear barrier that swamped me last week and now have arrived at a more relaxed place.
We are of course checking in with the kids (if not verbally then just taking a moment to consider how they are, whether this is still OK, whether they are missing school too much etc.) and for us it has taken back some confidence, some power.
We are both teachers and to be using our craft again is great. I will be using it differently as I am seeing learning in such a different way to the prescriptive format I learned (or understood) as a young teacher, but hey, I'm doing what I'm good at, enjoying time with these precious kids, listening mostly, playing and relaxing. Life makes sense again. :)
Saturday 10 September 2011
De-schooling
Already the fear of Monday is here - what will we do? how will we make it 'worthwhile'? I am left brain obsessed!!
The kids are 7,5 and 3. Number 7 can read fluently and has been enjoying Khan academy (free online lessons) for number play alongside an English language textbook J has. She is totally up for this journey of trying something new, it comes naturally to her to play, discover, rest, explore as she feels. Number 5 loved reception, wavered with 5 days a week and is open to trying this at home. At this stage she is reaching out for the things she misses from school - being 'special person' and getting to take the class mascot home for the night, dressing up (better after a play marathon yesterday!) I look forward to increasing our social network as we get used to this new way so that there are more opportunities for this fluid learning experience.
And what to do about my stuck ways? Scanning through my brain planning activities and their possible learning outcomes. Wanting to blow apart my habit of expectation, of limiting what is possible by my own narrow grasp of reality. I guess that if I know it is a thin slice of 'What Is' that is the biggest step! One's ego can go a long way to obsessing about this reality that is reported to us in schools, media etc. But mine is pretty convinced eh?! Despite my esoteric learning in later years, somehow when it comes to educating my kids I am still stuck on 1+1=2, telling the time etc. All great skills but again only the tip of the iceberg in terms of what human consciousness is capable of.
So this decision made by all the souls in the house, I trust, is about undoing those limitations. Or giving an alternative perspective on learning, growing so that the limited 'in the box' learning is understood for what it is. This is as much my journey as the kids. I'm the one adjusting here! They are fine and taking it in their stride, lapping up the opportunity to be flexible about mealtimes, playtimes, learning times (all-at-the-same-times).
The kids are 7,5 and 3. Number 7 can read fluently and has been enjoying Khan academy (free online lessons) for number play alongside an English language textbook J has. She is totally up for this journey of trying something new, it comes naturally to her to play, discover, rest, explore as she feels. Number 5 loved reception, wavered with 5 days a week and is open to trying this at home. At this stage she is reaching out for the things she misses from school - being 'special person' and getting to take the class mascot home for the night, dressing up (better after a play marathon yesterday!) I look forward to increasing our social network as we get used to this new way so that there are more opportunities for this fluid learning experience.
And what to do about my stuck ways? Scanning through my brain planning activities and their possible learning outcomes. Wanting to blow apart my habit of expectation, of limiting what is possible by my own narrow grasp of reality. I guess that if I know it is a thin slice of 'What Is' that is the biggest step! One's ego can go a long way to obsessing about this reality that is reported to us in schools, media etc. But mine is pretty convinced eh?! Despite my esoteric learning in later years, somehow when it comes to educating my kids I am still stuck on 1+1=2, telling the time etc. All great skills but again only the tip of the iceberg in terms of what human consciousness is capable of.
So this decision made by all the souls in the house, I trust, is about undoing those limitations. Or giving an alternative perspective on learning, growing so that the limited 'in the box' learning is understood for what it is. This is as much my journey as the kids. I'm the one adjusting here! They are fine and taking it in their stride, lapping up the opportunity to be flexible about mealtimes, playtimes, learning times (all-at-the-same-times).
weekend
So its the weekend and we can go out without feeling like lepers! (This is all in my mind I am sure, the more comfortable I become with home edding the less I will feel so conspicuous, naughty and irresponsible).
In fact I feel very responsible, as responsible as I was with my birthing choices and early parenting choices - it can be scary to be totally present with my intentions knowing that they are fairly wild and out there in comparison with a lot of society. But hey I am me and this is now.
We are keeping very in touch with friends from school after my revelation (!) yesterday and so the whole structure of our life is undergoing a change. Everything is up in the air as we gently allow the dust to settle and the newness of the terrain to show itself. Weekends used to be about reconnecting with the children and so it was unlikely that we would reach out to others, but now we are fully connected with the children, it is a great time to meet up and play (although mindful that other schooling families will be reconnecting and having their own family time...)
Responding to my truth and trying this out for however long we try it has renewed my energy levels and probably improved my relationships with school families as I am feeling more genuine. Less depressed about feeling powerless and stuck in a school system I felt uneasy about. Not dissatisfied totally but an unease that contributed drip by drip to some overwhelming emotions of depression and anxiety. I had a course of acupuncture this summer which brought me from a very desperate place to a very empowered place which allowed us to move forwards with this decision.
Later on a friend and her son will be coming for a crafting session. Brilliant.I feel that as we are making this transition, the children are naturally remembering the things they liked about school and missing them. Its great to listen to them and feel some sadness but whereas yesterday I felt a desperation to make it all better and get them whatever they needed to feel comfortable again, today I am accepting that there will be some grieving and that we are checking in with them at all times, they know that they can go back if they want to, but actually they don't push for this, they are accepting of the change and I am learning from them :)
Feeling stronger after taking moment to myself this morning before everyone was up to draw, create and dream - to check how I'm feeling so that I can keep navigating from the inner truth and not get crashed about in the storm of change. Something like that anyway!
We are making some plans for next week for things that we'd like to do with our time. Also I am exploring new meals I can cook as my week used to only involve half this amount of family meals! .....
In fact I feel very responsible, as responsible as I was with my birthing choices and early parenting choices - it can be scary to be totally present with my intentions knowing that they are fairly wild and out there in comparison with a lot of society. But hey I am me and this is now.
We are keeping very in touch with friends from school after my revelation (!) yesterday and so the whole structure of our life is undergoing a change. Everything is up in the air as we gently allow the dust to settle and the newness of the terrain to show itself. Weekends used to be about reconnecting with the children and so it was unlikely that we would reach out to others, but now we are fully connected with the children, it is a great time to meet up and play (although mindful that other schooling families will be reconnecting and having their own family time...)
Responding to my truth and trying this out for however long we try it has renewed my energy levels and probably improved my relationships with school families as I am feeling more genuine. Less depressed about feeling powerless and stuck in a school system I felt uneasy about. Not dissatisfied totally but an unease that contributed drip by drip to some overwhelming emotions of depression and anxiety. I had a course of acupuncture this summer which brought me from a very desperate place to a very empowered place which allowed us to move forwards with this decision.
Later on a friend and her son will be coming for a crafting session. Brilliant.I feel that as we are making this transition, the children are naturally remembering the things they liked about school and missing them. Its great to listen to them and feel some sadness but whereas yesterday I felt a desperation to make it all better and get them whatever they needed to feel comfortable again, today I am accepting that there will be some grieving and that we are checking in with them at all times, they know that they can go back if they want to, but actually they don't push for this, they are accepting of the change and I am learning from them :)
Feeling stronger after taking moment to myself this morning before everyone was up to draw, create and dream - to check how I'm feeling so that I can keep navigating from the inner truth and not get crashed about in the storm of change. Something like that anyway!
We are making some plans for next week for things that we'd like to do with our time. Also I am exploring new meals I can cook as my week used to only involve half this amount of family meals! .....
Friday 9 September 2011
Day 3 - where else to write except on a home made blog...
So I've decided to use a blog to express some of what is going on - we are in a transition place where I would love to fall back into the arms of the school, to friends there, to the regularity of walking to and from the building and associated chats with other mums, popping to local shops etc. But I stopped at day 3 last time I tried home ed (3 years ago when our youngest was newborn and I was the only adult at home) so I need to push on through the fear barrier to see what is on the other side.
We miss our friends and went to see one family after school time today which was fun and renewed my energy a little. I pick up so easily on my middle's feelings, she (5) is trusting of us that this is something worth trying. She liked school but struggled with 5 days. She liked the idea of doing half and half but that didn't feel possible at this school.
Heavens its only day 3!! I am glad to be trying this. I think it might be a bit like stopping all my antidepressants at once (I am guessing as I haven't actually ever taken them) - like all my senses are richer as we take back the responsibility of our children's education. I feel bolder and more sure of my footing in one sense and then totally afraid of what we've let go of in another. It is good to remind myself of our reasoning over the last 3 years. And how really through no (conscious) planning of our own we have arrived at a point where it is possible - 2 out-of-work teachers, one child totally jumping at the opportunity to try schooling in a different way, 2 who appear for the most part quite happy to give it a go.
I trust that however this little journey lasts, we are all going to grow as people and learn life skills in adapting and responding to each other. Finding out what we need to find out, exploring what we need to explore etc.etc.
My husband is far more solid than me at this point. He is happy with the no barriers lifestyle, of going with the flow and trusting this feeling of together ness. I think that I have often been busy in my life and it is strange to not have a definite plan. Structure is good and we are talking a lot about how to accomodate our different needs in the family setting.
One thing we may try this next week is to be work focused between 9 and 2 to then give us a clear place of when to stop and rest. I can already see that this may not be the best plan as eldest and J were still investigating the English language just before bedtime last night. Learning to go with the flow. Imagining I am on a swing, trusting the ropes, the structure around me to hold as we let go and feel the thrill of the unknown.
Feeding them regularly, coming up with ideas that they might like to do, ticking away at some sewing projects...
There's a bit of me really questions if I can do a good enough job in comparison to the school. I don't at this stage feel I have the stamina to plan lessons, come up with resources etc. like I used to when I was working (before parenthood). But I also read when researching this planned move, that its OK to give yourselves 6 months to ease into it. 6 months and I'm here fretting on day 3!!
Top tip from friend today was a reminder to make sure the kids see their friends and so thats being sorted. Keeping those bonds alive will definitely make this feel easier I think.
I've never published my blog comments before. Can't imagine anyone will read (although I have searched and enjoyed reading others' real life thoughts before so its always possible!)
Being the change I want to see in the world. As best I can with all my flaws, tripups and irregularities!
We miss our friends and went to see one family after school time today which was fun and renewed my energy a little. I pick up so easily on my middle's feelings, she (5) is trusting of us that this is something worth trying. She liked school but struggled with 5 days. She liked the idea of doing half and half but that didn't feel possible at this school.
Heavens its only day 3!! I am glad to be trying this. I think it might be a bit like stopping all my antidepressants at once (I am guessing as I haven't actually ever taken them) - like all my senses are richer as we take back the responsibility of our children's education. I feel bolder and more sure of my footing in one sense and then totally afraid of what we've let go of in another. It is good to remind myself of our reasoning over the last 3 years. And how really through no (conscious) planning of our own we have arrived at a point where it is possible - 2 out-of-work teachers, one child totally jumping at the opportunity to try schooling in a different way, 2 who appear for the most part quite happy to give it a go.
I trust that however this little journey lasts, we are all going to grow as people and learn life skills in adapting and responding to each other. Finding out what we need to find out, exploring what we need to explore etc.etc.
My husband is far more solid than me at this point. He is happy with the no barriers lifestyle, of going with the flow and trusting this feeling of together ness. I think that I have often been busy in my life and it is strange to not have a definite plan. Structure is good and we are talking a lot about how to accomodate our different needs in the family setting.
One thing we may try this next week is to be work focused between 9 and 2 to then give us a clear place of when to stop and rest. I can already see that this may not be the best plan as eldest and J were still investigating the English language just before bedtime last night. Learning to go with the flow. Imagining I am on a swing, trusting the ropes, the structure around me to hold as we let go and feel the thrill of the unknown.
Feeding them regularly, coming up with ideas that they might like to do, ticking away at some sewing projects...
There's a bit of me really questions if I can do a good enough job in comparison to the school. I don't at this stage feel I have the stamina to plan lessons, come up with resources etc. like I used to when I was working (before parenthood). But I also read when researching this planned move, that its OK to give yourselves 6 months to ease into it. 6 months and I'm here fretting on day 3!!
Top tip from friend today was a reminder to make sure the kids see their friends and so thats being sorted. Keeping those bonds alive will definitely make this feel easier I think.
I've never published my blog comments before. Can't imagine anyone will read (although I have searched and enjoyed reading others' real life thoughts before so its always possible!)
Being the change I want to see in the world. As best I can with all my flaws, tripups and irregularities!
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