Closing down

I'm signing off this blog for a while, perhaps completely as the new baby has heralded a new change and it feels right to scoop down to one blog rather than keeping three on the go!

Here's the link if you'd like to follow it:

http://mysmallsliceofperfection.blogspot.co.uk/

Life in the new baby household...

Our littlest bear was born on April 10th - we haven't got her blogname yet so I'll save that for another post. Been away from the computer for a while now -- a good sprinkling of new mum sensitivities and tiredness which I hope I am accepting may be here for some more weeks yet.

Today I had some D A R K thoughts about home education! They've moved on now, but I had this image of these children all Swanning around doing what they like without helping out with the house jobs and Why Can't You All Just Bog Off to School Then??????????? I needed to check with a friend - Are they OK? Is it OK for them to be around us when Papa W and I are so very very tired?

Yes it is OK, its real life, its learning opportunity, its still the babymoon and any wild thoughts that we should all be Doing more are fairly misplaced (the old parental guilt rearing its head again!) Besides they are doing heaps, its me who can't chart it! There's many sane traditions about the lying in period when a new baby comes. Modelling this for my daughters feels very wholesome even if I am occasionally champing at the bit to get going again. Where does that pressure come from besides my own impatience?

The moment has passed (so much so that I can't believe I was even thinking it).

Elderflower and Sunburst are out with dad doing the Brownies thing. Blackberry and I have been getting the crystals out of boxes to put them on beautifully sunny window sills ready for the bright moon tonight. She learned today that if you place a bid on ebay its legally binding.... thank heavens she only bid £3! Its her new favourite way to spend her pennies. Most often on old or foreign pennies to add to her collection.

Thats all for now.
Peace.
Ali Weststar x


OK ok ok, here's a photo......

So that's what's going on in the house, incorporating another beautiful soul into our gorgeously thriving home. May we support each other while she lands and allow the richness of this colourful experience simply Be what it is!

Ready to start all over.....!

Time for tiny tee-shirts again! We've been struck how so much comes round and round for attention if you don't get it first time, how many lessons there are to learn over and over until we master them. How blessed we are to get another go at baby time, the unconscious memories from our own babyhoods, the synchronicities that have led to this moment as we enter the newborn phase for the 4th time as parents.

The house we are living in turns out to be a 2 mile bike ride along little Norfolk lanes from a house Papa W lived in 30 years ago. He's revisiting paintings he did then and all the influences of the landscape reminding him of those times. Who'd have thought he'd be here with his family in years to come.

I found a bag yesterday of newborn suits I'd carefully put away before the move - one baby-gro in particular had come full circle through a couple of other families back to us, a suit I'm fairly sure all 3 of our babies wore in the first few weeks of their life. The familiar pattern and the layout of the poppers helped me feel a little more connected to what is about to happen when our new baby comes.

New things happening all the time, new beginnings, new shoots and yet at the same time, same things repeating, comforting rhythmic patterns.

Each child bringing a piece of their experience to our conversations and explorations, weaving our family fabric with unique colours undreamt of by us as parents. And as the fabric grows in depth and strength it is reinforced by repetition; our daily routines, stories new and old, the comforting responses to each others calls for help, the freedom to take time to listen and find solutions together. Magical moments.

The Pregnant Pause: part one

Sunburst putting shoes on our 'pretend-new-bubba' - we'll announce her screen name in when she arrives. Last few days or weeks now, children are being amazing as we go through this transition together - I have a new burst of love for home ed and the gentleness with which we can continue learning, any time of day, during this big life change. A medley of work, play, rest, cuddles, questions, laughter, more questions, trying out new things, finding our way together.

Blackberry has been crocheting chains as bracelets. She would like to learn how to do the Granny squares I've been making, but acknowledges that this may be hard when she doesn't like to be shown directly how to do something!! She has been trying free-style crochet (stick the needle in anywhere, yarn over, and pull through) which so far has made her a beautiful heart shape so perhaps she'll happen upon Granny squares via a new route! Also quietly observing rather than have a 'teacher's commentary' works well for her.

This is Elderflower visiting one of the souls we share our lane with. She would love to visit some dolphins and whales which may be a bit tricky in this country!! She's been into ants and minibeasts but the cold snap has come back to stop us from exploring any further. Bring on the warmer weather :) 

Shining the torch on the things we live with

Hi Blog-friends, 

Please could you share your thoughts/experience if you get a moment - I would love to know what you think about this.

Guilt - where does it come from? how does it serve us as parents?

When was the last time you felt guilty for something? What do you do with that feeling?

Bit cheeky of me I know, but there's this list of things I'm fascinated about at the moment and the words just aren't coming together so I'd really love to do some listening.

Over to you:

Yes Yes Yes!

'Well you never hear someone looking back and saying they wished they'd been at work more! You hear them saying they wish they'd seen the kids more!'

How refreshing to be greeted by this response to the 'Is it still half term?' -type conversation (ie. why are your kids not at school today?). This was our optician who delighted in the presence of the girls at my eye examination this week feeling that he and his wife would've loved to give it a go all those years ago.

Its that Yes! response again which I am a total fan of. I hope to use it more in conversations! Its such a nice way to be together as humans.

I've been grumbling and feeling stuck, this time with Papa W, and had tried to get this down on paper over the course of a day (you know, in and out of fir cones and baking, dolphins and gemstone specification, lunch, breakfast and laundry!), 4 sides it stretched to. Only to arrive at a place where this bit of paper felt so stale, so horrid I couldn't bear to present it to my DH as a constitution for action!

So I screwed it up and put it on the wood pile for starters.

Then I chose a pink piece of paper and wrote 'Blessings' at the top. I used a ridiculous amount of smiley faces - one after each totally awesome thing about my life, and once I'd started they kept coming. It started with Elderflower :) Blackberry :) Sunburst :) and comfortably rolled forwards.

Three-quarters down my page and I still hadn't been able to get an awesome thing about my relationship, though I could sense I was on the edge of the cliff of sorrows ready to jump and soar through that hard bit of letting go of pride or the need to be right. Still, pinpointing the blessing in those difficult feelings wouldn't come.

And then Bam there is was: The power to forgive and let go :) smiley. Able to go with the flow :) smiley. Able to find solutions :) smiley. Able to reflect and notice what feels wrong :) smiley.

Those were the blessings, I didn't have to suddenly turn around, flood with love and right off all the petty yet crucial itemisations I had discovered. But I could open to my ability to let go, and trust my ability to navigate through.

I started off by wallowing in No NO NO until it was totally sour and putrid. This was a necessary part for me. Then switched to Yes yes YES and here came the healing keys. So that's my learning for the day. All growing together.

Baby Holiday

It was announced last week by a close HE friend that this should now be my Baby Holiday -- where we slow down, not expect quite so much from our days. At 34 weeks gestation there is a cruel and mean beast on my right shoulder saying No it is Too Early: you Must keep Pushing and Striving to keep the Strict and Serious business of home education turning Forwards, you can not stop yet!!

Heavens, there's some inner-saboteur soundtrack for you!

It will not surprise you to read that all remains well in the Weststar home - despite the ridiculous on-going chatter of my doubts and stresses (accompanied by the white-knuckle ride of pregnancy hormones and emotions!!) and the quite natural bicker and growth of 3 children and 2 parents navigating their way around a new home and getting ready to welcome our newcomer in April.

There's a book called Idle Parenting -- I may not ever get to actually read it, but I love the title. Its a reminder that we can let our children grow and learn without steering them, butting in every five minutes. So that even if at choice times in life's journey we are less involved, it may consequently be Perfect growth time for the children!! How easy it is to get in their way!!

Blackberry is submerged in learning about herbs to grow and as medicines. She has designed and built with her dad a 'Magic Garden' - a wheel consisting of 6 sections in which we will be growing our herbs. She is due to spend the afternoon with our good friend and herbalist on Tuesday too, to go through her dispensary and help stock-take. Fab.

Elderflower continues to bloom forwards, inspired by a friend and parent at our Barefoot Learners group last Monday to write a song about sharks and turtles, she got her violin out to have a go at a tune for it yesterday. She is enamoured by the story of Winter the dolphin (DVD A Dolphin's Tale - true story, nicely done) and continues to have in-depth, left-field questions about just about everything we encounter and more.

If your children would like to visit their blogs, they are:

Blackberry: http://cheeky7.blogspot.co.uk/
Elderflower: http://elderflowersblog.blogspot.co.uk/
Please leave a comment and share your blog address too :)

Sunburst loves his dad especially at the moment. A lot of cuddles, reassurance, wrestling and boisterousness. Walks in the woods with Blackberry, setting up animal tea parties for Elderflower, high quality lego vehicles and Sunday chocolates.

Yep, our baby holiday will be no dip in the learning curve, just a new rhythm, a freer style and some priceless life skills as we develop patience with each other, the art of going-with-the-flow and easing through yet another transitional time.

Home ed, keeping the heart of family life at our hearth, growing together.

final trimester, final straws

Things are calming down around here, the pregnancy has brought me to yet the next layer of simplifying and slowing down. Recognising I can do less, manage less, juggle less. In a wholesome pregnancy book this would be a celebrated time where I would honour my body and surrender to the process. I'm getting there.... noticing loads of negative mind chatter and frustration, but I hope I'm letting go where I can. I have protestant-work-ethic running in my veins, even when I least expect it there's self-blame and guilt just waiting to plague me!

Blackberry and I have gone grain-free for Lent which gave me the boost of creativity I needed this morning. It was her idea and whilst it might be harder work, I'm really welcoming the change. We had been getting bored with our menu. I followed this diet in the first trimester and it really helped with the nausea because it keeps the blood sugar levels more steady. I'm hoping it may help now with the exhaustion and certainly today I've been more even-keel with physical and emotional worlds. Slower, but I'm still fairly steady at the end of the day whereas over-burning earlier in the day has meant massive exhaustion in the afternoons and evenings, the last week or two.

I wanted to share a very good-humoured jest with a friend today where we were talking about those times when we're not sure home ed is the right thing, when we're in an ebb. She referred to it as having the boarding school on speed dial!

There's been a ripple of interest in chemistry with pH levels and cleaning coins with vinegar for Blackberry. Drying out orange peel in different ways. Pestle and mortar experiments and recipe finding for the Lent diet. Loads of outdoor time and knitting.
Elderflower's still the one who welcomes a bit of working from books most days with English and Maths. Its just one slice of the pizza as the largest chunk of her learning comes from noticing the things around her and the conversations we have. Animals, birds and the dawn of private reading.
Sunburst has gently been introduced to s-a-t-n-i-p phonemes, feels a bit early to me but not to him! Lego constructions are a favourite especially when wearing a cape. Imagination of a creative giant, sometimes we lose track of what has happened and what has been dreamed up, he holds us all in his story-telling genius.

Just non-stop development all day every day, all of them. Trying to list it leaves so much out that its difficult to know how to chart or prove or quantify what's been learned. The Local Education Authority visitor was totally satisfied with our provision so I guess we must have enough 'evidence' even if what can be seen on paper or learned about in a 2 hour home visit only scratches the surface of each family member's growth, development and education journey!

Bye for now, a calm and gestating Weststar :)

Shopping with Blackberry

Ah there's nothing to beat one-to-one time. We are getting there with respecting each child's (and parent's!) need for an opportunity to be *alone* with an other. We find that if we try to structure it too much (you this week, your sister next week) there is too much room for 'Its Not Fair!!' explosions.

And today was a great example of how seizing the moment can work.

I had two whole things I was going to do On My Own in the city and Blackberry was invited to a friend's house. So we drove in together, did a couple of jobs - then we had a few hours apart, then we did the supermarket shop together and had the journey back.

Now in a family of 5 where for the most part we jiggle along side by side, that truly is maximum one-to-one time :)

Shopping was a lot of fun. B is growing in confidence, scooting from aisle to aisle and then catching up with me - this used to be unheard of as she would have anxiety attacks being separated from me. We shared ideas about up coming menus and plans.

At the end of the day she is oozing self-contentment, having been able to carry out a number of her projects with maximum attention from me (and she doesn't need much, just to be able to check a couple of things as she goes along - if I do this with the printer will it work? where do I find an envelope?) The journeys allow the unwinding time for questions to surface as B works through things that are on her mind. 'Mum I really don't want to go back to school'. We are more familiar with each other's shape, more mindful of how we each are.

And I arrived home to my inbox containing an email from Elderflower inviting me to a one-to-one walk in the woods soon 'just me and you'. What an offer!

In an ideal world, these opportunities would come up frequently so that we don't all arrive at the desperate need to be alone with an other at the same time!

How do you fellow mamas and papas seize or create the opportunity to be with just one of your children? Does one of your kids seem to need this more than others? Or does is go through stages?

x A x

Bath chats, car chats, crackling the ice chats

Finally got here!
I might not be long!! I feel like the computer might explode or stop me somehow from musing!

We've moved house, we've had the flu, we're settling now. In equal measure the move has been exciting, giving us many opportunities that we've been asking for for years and frightening as we are a long way from the city, down a lane in the snow, miles from our current support network...

I am fairly confident that it will help me to grow in inner strength and patience -- but I must confess to wondering how it happened quite like this! We had our first cherished visitors today which was bliss.

And so today has been a series of blessings, whilst still feeling poorly from this deep and bizarre virus we've caught, the children are showing signs of being a little more settled. Elderflower is a soft balm at the moment, gently getting on with things, noticing little jobs she can do to help, saying Yes to little ideas I have - shall we walk up to see the horses - Yes Mum.

Yes is such a fabulous word. I hear No a lot and whilst it bounces as much as I can let it, the expansive affirmation of a fellow human being agreeing and joining me in some act is Beautiful and never fails to send warm glowing gratitude into my heart and limbs.

We used to have a day every now and again: A Yes Day. I might bring this practise back. Much needed light and fluffy approach to life, fun, laughter and affirming each other - its all got a bit serious around here at times!


And so onto the home education factor - it has of course given us the freedom to move - I'm not sure I could have coped with the added upheaval of pulling the children from their school and planting them somewhere else all within the time frame of moving house. But if they had a school to go to it may have cushioned them from some of the chaos entering a nicely ordered classroom each day while our many belongings float down around our ears and find places to live within the home environment.

- Where's the crochet hook?! - Where's my sketch book?! - Mum you know that ..... I was working on ..... which box is it in ?! A wise friend helped me recently (I think she specialised in child psychology in her working days) by reminding me that for children to grow as balanced individuals they need a fair share of trauma and chaos. Thank heavens for that!

Just as the word Yes warms my bones, the sight of engaged children, asking questions and figuring new things about their world lights my way. Whether we're sitting with a book, in the bath, on a car journey or walking down the lane the questions keep coming. This is the home education. The children continue to do it their way and they will fill their cups to the brim with the enthusiasm and lust for growth true of all living beings.

Yes!!

Carrying 9 year olds (and other great parenting tips...)

Add moving house to our list of things to achieve, sprinkle on a bit of new year flu! And you have the house of loopiness!

I've been swearing like a trooper at inappropriate moments, exploding with bursts of anger at bedtime (just when the house is starting to become still...), attempting to carry a 9 year old who refuses to go to bed, oooo the list goes on!

Just wanted to balance my blog out with the real picture!!

And thank heavens for telly these last couple of days!
And thank heavens that I am as free with my apologies, forgiveness and revisiting/reflecting as I am with my expressions of anger!

Hope you're all well and that 2013 is beginning well in your families.

I've heard positive things about other schools considering offering flexi-school options. Benjamin's school, a new approach to schooling in Norfolk has completed its bid for starting in Sept 2014 -- sending that proposal much much light :)

It all begins with ideas and with sharing them.

However off-the-wall our dreams may be to create innovative, down-to-earth, real life preparation learning spaces and experiences for our children, we can look around and find that others are having these dreams too.

Whilst my blogging wavers all over the place along with my life experiences, I am holding the light for sharing more, dreaming more, and manifesting more. So that the positive experience we are able to share with our kids, much more family based than any current school offers, can show itself as the very real choice that it is for any other family considering it.

Yes, go on, do it!