Ready to start all over.....!

Time for tiny tee-shirts again! We've been struck how so much comes round and round for attention if you don't get it first time, how many lessons there are to learn over and over until we master them. How blessed we are to get another go at baby time, the unconscious memories from our own babyhoods, the synchronicities that have led to this moment as we enter the newborn phase for the 4th time as parents.

The house we are living in turns out to be a 2 mile bike ride along little Norfolk lanes from a house Papa W lived in 30 years ago. He's revisiting paintings he did then and all the influences of the landscape reminding him of those times. Who'd have thought he'd be here with his family in years to come.

I found a bag yesterday of newborn suits I'd carefully put away before the move - one baby-gro in particular had come full circle through a couple of other families back to us, a suit I'm fairly sure all 3 of our babies wore in the first few weeks of their life. The familiar pattern and the layout of the poppers helped me feel a little more connected to what is about to happen when our new baby comes.

New things happening all the time, new beginnings, new shoots and yet at the same time, same things repeating, comforting rhythmic patterns.

Each child bringing a piece of their experience to our conversations and explorations, weaving our family fabric with unique colours undreamt of by us as parents. And as the fabric grows in depth and strength it is reinforced by repetition; our daily routines, stories new and old, the comforting responses to each others calls for help, the freedom to take time to listen and find solutions together. Magical moments.

Yes Yes Yes!

'Well you never hear someone looking back and saying they wished they'd been at work more! You hear them saying they wish they'd seen the kids more!'

How refreshing to be greeted by this response to the 'Is it still half term?' -type conversation (ie. why are your kids not at school today?). This was our optician who delighted in the presence of the girls at my eye examination this week feeling that he and his wife would've loved to give it a go all those years ago.

Its that Yes! response again which I am a total fan of. I hope to use it more in conversations! Its such a nice way to be together as humans.

I've been grumbling and feeling stuck, this time with Papa W, and had tried to get this down on paper over the course of a day (you know, in and out of fir cones and baking, dolphins and gemstone specification, lunch, breakfast and laundry!), 4 sides it stretched to. Only to arrive at a place where this bit of paper felt so stale, so horrid I couldn't bear to present it to my DH as a constitution for action!

So I screwed it up and put it on the wood pile for starters.

Then I chose a pink piece of paper and wrote 'Blessings' at the top. I used a ridiculous amount of smiley faces - one after each totally awesome thing about my life, and once I'd started they kept coming. It started with Elderflower :) Blackberry :) Sunburst :) and comfortably rolled forwards.

Three-quarters down my page and I still hadn't been able to get an awesome thing about my relationship, though I could sense I was on the edge of the cliff of sorrows ready to jump and soar through that hard bit of letting go of pride or the need to be right. Still, pinpointing the blessing in those difficult feelings wouldn't come.

And then Bam there is was: The power to forgive and let go :) smiley. Able to go with the flow :) smiley. Able to find solutions :) smiley. Able to reflect and notice what feels wrong :) smiley.

Those were the blessings, I didn't have to suddenly turn around, flood with love and right off all the petty yet crucial itemisations I had discovered. But I could open to my ability to let go, and trust my ability to navigate through.

I started off by wallowing in No NO NO until it was totally sour and putrid. This was a necessary part for me. Then switched to Yes yes YES and here came the healing keys. So that's my learning for the day. All growing together.

Shopping with Blackberry

Ah there's nothing to beat one-to-one time. We are getting there with respecting each child's (and parent's!) need for an opportunity to be *alone* with an other. We find that if we try to structure it too much (you this week, your sister next week) there is too much room for 'Its Not Fair!!' explosions.

And today was a great example of how seizing the moment can work.

I had two whole things I was going to do On My Own in the city and Blackberry was invited to a friend's house. So we drove in together, did a couple of jobs - then we had a few hours apart, then we did the supermarket shop together and had the journey back.

Now in a family of 5 where for the most part we jiggle along side by side, that truly is maximum one-to-one time :)

Shopping was a lot of fun. B is growing in confidence, scooting from aisle to aisle and then catching up with me - this used to be unheard of as she would have anxiety attacks being separated from me. We shared ideas about up coming menus and plans.

At the end of the day she is oozing self-contentment, having been able to carry out a number of her projects with maximum attention from me (and she doesn't need much, just to be able to check a couple of things as she goes along - if I do this with the printer will it work? where do I find an envelope?) The journeys allow the unwinding time for questions to surface as B works through things that are on her mind. 'Mum I really don't want to go back to school'. We are more familiar with each other's shape, more mindful of how we each are.

And I arrived home to my inbox containing an email from Elderflower inviting me to a one-to-one walk in the woods soon 'just me and you'. What an offer!

In an ideal world, these opportunities would come up frequently so that we don't all arrive at the desperate need to be alone with an other at the same time!

How do you fellow mamas and papas seize or create the opportunity to be with just one of your children? Does one of your kids seem to need this more than others? Or does is go through stages?

x A x

Carrying 9 year olds (and other great parenting tips...)

Add moving house to our list of things to achieve, sprinkle on a bit of new year flu! And you have the house of loopiness!

I've been swearing like a trooper at inappropriate moments, exploding with bursts of anger at bedtime (just when the house is starting to become still...), attempting to carry a 9 year old who refuses to go to bed, oooo the list goes on!

Just wanted to balance my blog out with the real picture!!

And thank heavens for telly these last couple of days!
And thank heavens that I am as free with my apologies, forgiveness and revisiting/reflecting as I am with my expressions of anger!

Hope you're all well and that 2013 is beginning well in your families.

I've heard positive things about other schools considering offering flexi-school options. Benjamin's school, a new approach to schooling in Norfolk has completed its bid for starting in Sept 2014 -- sending that proposal much much light :)

It all begins with ideas and with sharing them.

However off-the-wall our dreams may be to create innovative, down-to-earth, real life preparation learning spaces and experiences for our children, we can look around and find that others are having these dreams too.

Whilst my blogging wavers all over the place along with my life experiences, I am holding the light for sharing more, dreaming more, and manifesting more. So that the positive experience we are able to share with our kids, much more family based than any current school offers, can show itself as the very real choice that it is for any other family considering it.

Yes, go on, do it!

Pathways

Moved to talk about all the different decisions we make in parenting. I'm getting softer definitely on what I consider OK for families -- have been very hard-line 'home edder' for a year or so, probably to support myself through the big transition. But was shown very recently what hard-line can do for our friendships, happiness and general well-being.

We all make decisions based on where we are in our own development, influences, life-path. I think we can tell whether these decisions are healthy or not by how well we feel, how our children are, our inner compass so to speak. But ultimately there are so many factors involved in parenting that where we might strike gold in some areas, we are sure to let some things through the net elsewhere. Its part of the child's natural development to learn from our mistakes as well as what we see to be our successes.

I have this visual image that I'm going to try and put into words, here goes.

A series of lines, webbing, overlapping

 - Television Watching: at one end we have the folk who say (and carry through with) No telly ever, at the other end the folk who have it on all the time, the rest of us walk the line in between.
- Vaccinations: some don't, some do, for all different reasons and none, they choose either end or some place in between.
- Development and education: Predominantly at home, predominantly at school
- Diet: gluten free, dairy free etc at one end, eat anything at the other
- Learning/teaching to read and write
- Availability of Computer
- Relationships with peers
- Relationships with wider family and other significant adults
- Antibiotics
- Communication, answering back not allowed, healthy arguments encouraged
- Birthing, natural process at one end, hospital procedure at other

And so in this web (with many many more lines that I have named) are families, walking their way through this 3,4,5 dimensional map, feeling their way forwards, sometimes confidently, sometimes blindly, sometimes staying still for a while and then bouncing off elsewhere.

Its all OK, that's what I wanted to say. Its all OK. Except when its not, but then noticing when its not is the first and biggest step to realigning and evaluating where you're at. And even then, it is all OK because we're human, we're on our paths each of us and we're figuring out how to do this parenting thing in a very busy and chaotic world. Take a breath and know you are the best person to be with your child right now.

Namaste.

Best Day of the Year

So dubbed by Blackberry as we rode home from the pet shop this evening :) Again reminding me that the magic is indeed in the normality, regularity, the simple.

I get such joy hearing them all with Papa Weststar, they're doing a jigsaw together at the moment. He has such wisdom in the simplicity of what he offers. I heard him earlier say - so what will it be? Clay or painting - at a moment when my clock was well and truly switched off and I'm into total freefall before bed, he has the forward movement of an activity to offer (neither of which they chose to do! but hey!).

It is a total balance between the two of us parenting which I never imagined could happen. When I feel ready to drop he's often there and likewise when he needs space I'm energised to be On the Case Mum. In fact perhaps it is the only way both of us get to flow with our skills by taking it in turns, not so much scheduled-in 'shifts' as naturally letting each other take over when a break is needed. (disclaimer: It is hard work and has taken years to allow the flow of these moments and we frequently mess up!!)

And through all of this, I guess we are finding our rhythm. This follows on from the deschooling period as we are truly planting footsteps a little more surely now. For years I've wanted a better way of marking Advent than a chocolate calendar that they sneak under their pillows and ransack at intervals. My creativity simply couldn't operate when the practical toings and froings of school were at play. And last year, early in the de-schooling period, I was still reeling and landing, allowing the chaos to move noisily around us as we settled.

This year is a bit more spacious. I've a sore throat and headache this evening but I'm listening. I hear my actual need to share on this blog, my inner being calling out for down time, some unravelling. It is only by stopping that I can honour myself with the time I need to get some thoughts, some creative time, some reflecting. I've designed my Advent idea and I can't wait to see how we'll experience this time together over that month.

When I do this stopping and honouring myself, I can feel the peaceful wave move through the house. It is good to listen to what you need kids, its cool to just stop when you need to. Nothing else matters in these moments. I love that mantra: Nowhere to go, Nothing to do. Allow the ebbs when they come and you'll be fully energised for the Flow as it returns!!!

The beauty of the tree that conserves its energy for winter, gracefully loosening and letting go of the patterns, things, concerns and past that it no longer needs.

...versus Mama Tiger

Well after a day of non-interference (see the last post) I nearly exploded (I was trying it a little too conscientiously I think!) And I was back to growling when required and sticking my oar in sometimes unskillfully. I am in fact human.

Lots of positive stuff is going on - I'll go into those another time. Current challenges: Blackberry's anger bursts of frustration dominating the room of otherwise chilled-out family-members, a disregard for something we'd (I thought) agreed as a family to remove ourselves from the room for explosions and re-enter when we're calm... Oops I could growl quite a bit about my eldest right now actually and I want to protect the privacy of our relationship by holding my tongue a bit.

Its hard eh, parenting, seeing the mirror, knowing when to let go and when to push, when to react, when to ignore -- and if I try to be too skilled and ordered in my responses I eventually reach a place where I can't hold on to my carefulness anymore. It all presents itself to me in an avalanche of worries, frustrations, criticisms of her and me simultaneously, reaching up to the heavens for some guidance on how the heck we move through it, fear that somehow the day has been ruined by this blot on family life, fear that she will never learn anything if she has such a short attention span and threshold for disappointment... it all comes crashing down on top of me and I momentarily break.

One thing that I feel has changed for me in the last year or so is that I'm OK with letting that Mama Tiger out -- I try to let it out in one blast if I get pushed to that place (and generally their are lots of warnings when Mummy is approaching that place!), walk off, out of the space to recentre and make myself safe again and then drop it. I don't hold grudges (as far as I can). We call it putting on our Teflon Suit - non-stick, let it go, drop it.

Lots of forgiveness, lots of compassion - we're all just trying to work it out, moment by moment. She's incredible I know, quite an exquisite soul learning the limits to her behaviour and gifts, like all souls here on earth right now. May I be authentic in my role within her exploration, its OK to be a tiger sometimes.

Out of the Way Mama!!

Today I've been practising the art of staying out of Learning's way. Not physically, as we're all in pretty close proximity around here :) but keeping my thoughts to myself a lot, watching my habit of suggesting, asking and generally butting in to the children's flow. Keeping my focus on my own thing, preparing food, making a card for a friend, other jobs about me, following my own flow which all contributes to letting them follow their own. Also playing, joining in, as appropriate when the (many) opportunities came.

In the Shift film I mentioned (Wayne Dyer) there's a simple sequence where he speaks to a mother of two about how children have their own internal compass - "Let them use it". Rather than 'Can you get your shoes on?', 'Can you brush your hair?', 'Pick up your things now please', 'Can I help you stick that poster up?' (so its more pleasing to my eye and not on the wonk!), 'I think you'll find it easier like this' etc.etc.

Part of this process is about letting go of my ego (or whatever you want to call it)'s hold on what should be happening - a lot of my comments and queries are from a place of anxiety or need for control. It was really relaxing to let go of them, I thoroughly enjoyed the day, handing over this need to grip hold of how the day is shifting.

(I also had a gluten and sugar free day accidentally which may contribute to me feeling calmer)

Here's a list of what happened (and this was all before we got out of our pyjamas!) Again, this is simply what presented itself without me managing anything or leading particularly - except perhaps the spelling and numbers bit with Elderflower which naturally unfolded that way, simply doing as much as she wanted without pushing it. The rest of it was their own flow.

Elderflower recognised an aerial picture of a hurricane and the eye.

We talked about which of our relatives may be able to tell us what it was like to live through the second world war.

Some discussion about dinosaurs, skeletons, fossils, eggs and how the archeologists and scientists have come up with the images of what they think they looked like

The end of the dinosaurs, volcano, meteorite - ice age, whats that, how does it happen?

Pyramids, can you lift one?

Putting up posters, negotiating where to put them.

Blackberry read a story to E and S over breakfast.

Why gloves sometimes have the thumb pointing upwards rather than lying flat - the physiology of the hand.

Counting 1-10 Sunburst

Holidays - why does it take so long to get there?

Game of Happy Families with Flags of the World

Drawing pictures of butterflies and labelling them

Elderflower reading our last chapter together, savouring the book (not wanting it to end!), some spellings, some numbers - practising how hundreds look

Blackberry makes some small bags for her siblings and cousins out of fabric with her sewing machine and puts in some conker pets in them, wraps them all up, labels to give to them later.

Checking out the height chart and seeing if it can be cheated.

I stopped writing the list at midday when we had our lunch. Had a lovely day x

The Home Ed Treatment

I've been to a concert this evening of inspiring heart felt music from a couple based in Dartmoor, Carolyn Hillyer and Nigel Shaw. You can find them here.

They sang of the land, of freedom and of our ancient roots.

So I'm remembering the revolution of choosing home ed and how it felt initially (and still feels now, especially when watching friends still factoring school in, I feel so released from this pattern that didn't work for me). A phenomenal freedom I had not even dreamed of.

And I'm deeply aware that there are other areas of our life that need The Home Ed Treatment - the Leap of Faith!! The Stepping into the Darkness with Trust and Fearlessness.

• I'd like to stop paying a mortgage that we can't afford.
• I'd like to spend more time based in the countryside with the rivers and the trees and some silence.
• I'd like to continue centralising the need for a close community of like-minded friends, cut out the distractions and the doubts.
• I'd like to stay focused on my individual growth, so as to model this within the family, nurturing growth and evolution for us all.

It is only when we release ourselves from the things that are not working that we can make way for the new. It takes courage and is immediately rewarded by expansiveness, fresh open breath, and the knowledge that we are more powerful than we could ever imagine. Go For It!

Being me without the distractions

Start writing and it will come. Floods of feelings about projects planned, begun and aborted, other projects not planned and yet blossoming beautifully unbidden by my conscious mind.

My favourite quote this last week is :

"When I let go of what I want, I ready myself to receive what is truly mine.

The second of these is the greater gift."

Anita Moorjani: Dying to Be Me (from memory so not word for word)

I have been Very Grumpy at the moment, my hormones are raging through my system, my tolerance level is low - high - low- high !!! I am grieving the loss of the plans that I had before I became pregnant. The loss of the me I was familiar with before, what I was able to manage physically and mentally, what I was hoping to manage over the next couple of years.

And much that I love having babies and adore my children, I have this sense that I'm again sitting back on my heels, that my power has been taken away, that I must sit this one out.

Thanks for hearing that, I totally trust that my discomfort will pass and that it is all part of the seamless tapestry. I welcome this little soul and feel joyful about it too, just have no idea about the rest of our lives!

Surrender, I think is the key.

I can not control how I am viewed by the outside world, no matter what my perception of that worldview is. The only person judging me is probably myself!

For me, the swiftest way to process painful feelings is to express them and indulge them, get right in there and explore the territory. I have been writing my feelings down, talking when I can, identifying the things I need in my life to support me.

The only things I have lost are hot air really, the bits that my mind had mapped out for myself. The bits I thought defined me, defined how I am in the world, what my role is (particularly outside of the family). What I've gained is a totally new horizon where I trust I will be guided and led to continue my true growth as human being.

I believe really the only thing that we can be certain of during life on Earth is that is full of change and chaos! I welcome the opportunity to get better at coping with this truth.

I hope that you are well and that you are nurturing yourself wherever change and chaos persist in your own lives.
Namaste
Ali x



Just how autonomous can you get?!?

Its a pleasure to have Blogger back, our computer has been poorly for a week or two. There's been many a moment when I've wanted to get blogging again!

The beginning of our second year home educating, in a much more relaxed state than this time last year (and still a little room for more comfort next year as we continue to settle into this lifestyle).

In the first week as the rest of the neighbourhood children got into their schooling timetable, I came home from the shop at 11am to find all mine hanging on the front gate, hollering at me down the road. They'd only been in the front garden for a few moments (I was told after my overreaction!) but my instinct was to tell them all off and hurry them inside. I seemed acutely sensitive to drawing attention to ourselves. If we are seen to be not at school, at least lets seem to be working, focused, taking life seriously.... (!)

Perhaps some of this was the initial shock of all the children disappearing again. How it becomes normal to have such a limited number of age-groups around during the daytimes. The inviting of young people into institutions so that any still with their families seem out-of-place is frightening.

Anyway, I'm over it now!

And the point of this post was about planning. And how we do little in this house, and yet how clear it is where the progressions are, where to go next. The questions from the children pile in minute after minute. I remember reading in Ross Mountney's book her tip was to not plan further than a few days ahead and this advice sits well with us. Whilst I have the urges to map it out, I am learning more and more to trust where they go with things, they have their own map. So far this suits us just fine, in fact I feel very lucky that I can trust their process as it removes us parents from the driver's seat and puts us all co-piloting.

It has taken the de-schooling period for this love and thirst to be replenished, particularly for Blackberry the eldest. She now totally gets that its not up to us to feed her information, she has many projects and pursuits on the go. She joins in with us sometimes, she goes off sometimes. She doesn't wish to be taught, and we are navigating our ways to communicate more successfully each month that passes.

Elderflower is our teacher's pet (!!) in that she allows Papa Weststar in particular to lead and teach in its more traditional sense. Its a gift I think that she lets us follow a little thought pattern path with her for an hour or two, happily sinking her teeth into the suggested tasks. She has violin lessons and loves it. She's up for most things.

I never thought i'd be an autonomous educator. I became so schooled myself in traditional chalk and talk methods that they felt like the safest route. I knew no different. And yet in autonomy I find great comfort and happiness. Like the walls that hemmed me in imagining that life was just one long straight line from A to B have crumbled and fallen and I can dance wherever I choose. Going with the flow of the day, being present with their questions whether we are in the house, garden, city, county. Except for one hour after lunch and from 7pm onwards, I'm their's, we're together and we're doing the cha-cha-cha! - One step forwards one step backwards.......!

It wasn't on The Map!

Some quite unexpected events have fallen in amongst the Weststar householders. All completely joyful, though at first glance they may seem like crises.

Just after my successful interview (you'll remember the one, big life change, half-time work, moving up and out of unemployed life, into sharing the paid work and home ed balance....) - I fell pregnant. Yes I do know how it happens, but I made a mistake about timings and this is how I find myself. And so Number 4 Weststar is on her or his way.

So up until now I've planned and dreamed and forged my way forwards with what I understood my life to be about. The map was detailed, if a little boring, I fitted in to what might be expected of me from the outside. (Well, except for the home ed I guess, and the grain-free awkwardness, and the anti-vaccine stance... OK OK dream on Westy if you think you were fulfilling expectations!)

So I thought I was following my map and pleasing those around me if they took the time to need pleasing.

But now, this absolute Gift of a soul growing in my belly is very inconvenient. We won't fit in a normal car (which we can't afford to run anyhow!), we are still largely unemployed in any real monetary sense. I smart at quite how this could have happened. It wasn't on the Map!

And yet I think I feel today about as humbled and lucky as I have felt of late. Totally supported by Grace and the Flow of Life. My new boss is figuring out how to still have me in a slightly different role and probably less hours initially. Friends have come forward with help and support abundant. I've realised I really did want another little bear (and any of this is only possible because of home ed, there is no way I would bring someone else into my previous incarnation as a school-running clock-watcher) and I totally trust that we'll figure it out.

Or, to hell with figuring it out. Its already sorted, we just have to surrender and go with the flow to support ourselves, continue our excellent family life and enjoy the relationships within our family and friend community that co-sustain. Hard work yes, I know that, but real ground roots work where we grow, thrive, learn and unfold.

When have unexpected things happened to you and how did you welcome them into your life? I'd love to know. Thank you for reading friends.

LIfe's pretty uneventful really!

Describing different ways of understanding basic fractions over the last few weeks, found a new way with Blackberry today while she is singing her way through banana bread making. Jotted it down on the whiteboard after we'd talked about it so she can look at it when she wants to.

These are the moments where I can see they're learning! But all the gaps in between are full of those moments too. We've just said no telly for a week and I can sense the relief all around us. Just like when I cleared all the toys out of their room (needless to say its full again at the mo!! Everything ebbs and flows!)

We made bread on Saturday (wheaty even though we don't eat much wheat... its such a satisfying process and totally delicious to them - deprived of fully glutinous bread that they are the rest of the week!) Sunburst walked around the kitchen, his newly baked loaf wrapped in a tea towel "I love my bread, I love my bread". Going to see if Saturday works as a good day to do this each week.

Playing around with parental authority. I get so uncomfortable if we end up too far down the threats or demands route, though it would probably be helpful to come to some agreement with Papa Weststar about this. Its so obvious that Blackberry thrives on seeing how far she can push, so we end up positively draconian if we stand by our guns (about something we can just as well forget about!). Looking forward to exploring it more.

I understand the idea that children need parents to set boundaries and to be in charge, in control. But I don't see that this needs to negate their own sense of control, power and being in charge of themselves. There's so much give, take and sharing in our lifestyle, it feels total sense to work primarily on myself, my own reactions to incidents, letting the rest come.

And so day-to-day interweavings are in themselves pretty uneventful. And it is through this that I feel we've landed in home ed, we're preparing our little ones for life, day by day, moment by moment, mistakes, lightbulb moments, problem solving, the whole thing.

Rhythm

Every few months, the telly watching starts to crescendo upwards (from very little to a little if I'm honest!) - and it starts to feel like it takes over. I was talking with a Steiner teacher and it has renewed my enthusiasm to include the kids more in the house running, meals, tidying, sweeping etc. Like they always are, but to move things up a notch.

Back to the Simplicity Living book I think ( I'm good at reading half of books!) and on to the chapter on Rhythm, where things like this can be just part of the day. We don't need to wait til one of us is stressed and gotta tidy under duress, we simply add it in as a natural place on our day's cycle. Alongside scrubbing the wooden table, waxing the wooden drawers, stuff involving each of us in looking after the home.

Hang on maybe this is just about my housekeeping!

Maybe I've got a burst of sunshine as the kids get older where I'm able to see other jobs aside from the very basics that are covered in the first handful of years. Food, sleep, washing, bathroom, kitchen. That's about my repertoire. I remember just starting to care about the odd item of ironing before Sunburst was born (haven't got that back yet!) And veggy growing is up there in my daily tasks now :)

Some of the jobs I enjoy doing alone and use the TV option to enjoy time away from the kids for half hour or so. Gently challenging myself to see if there's still work to be done on that?

Have a friend, greatly admired, who's ditched toys with batteries. I have very little idea of how we came to have so many with batteries, I hate the things! L refers to Mother Earth and how batteries hurt her. Quite right! I enjoy this inspiration to stand by what I believe. Whilst I forgive myself for not having the energy to stand in the flightpath of mainstream culture all the time.

So there's these aspirations, TV-free, battery-free, clutter-free, busy little beavers, patching up the house like the birds in Snow White...!

And then there's what we've got. A real house with real people and some pets. Some crap (naturally!) but a fairly steady flow of stuff being passed on. Some times where we all spontaneously help each other. Cleanliness never too far away. Some TV used when tiredness or overwroughtness sets in, or when there is a quality programme to be enjoyed. Youtube used for answering questions.

Its good to have aspirations but ladling in the compassion not to look too far out of my sights.

I'm getting addicted to this home ed malarchy

I don't wish to be boring, but it really grows on me this lifestyle. I was reflecting the other day about relationships with siblings and how the school style of splitting off the age groups immediately starts us off not really knowing our family. By the time I was born, both my brother and sister were in school and my sister and I were never in the same building even my whole schooling career. My brother, with such vast differences in the peer influences four years apart were not seen to converse at school or in front of friends.

This is just one of the reasons why for me the education system is not acceptable anymore. If it gets in the way of natural growth and alliances, then no thank you. We've been trying the same way as a culture for soooo long. And it falls way short of the mark of preparing children for life. I don't mean to exclude or offend, I am calling from my corner of experience about what works for us.

And three children in a bedroom works for us. Low TV input works for us.
Talking through relationship issues, home difficulties works too.
Cooking, being involved in the running of the house makes sense.
Looking out for their individual jewels and polishing them feels wholesome.
Being with them as they grow is reassuring for us all.
Being the ones who are here to experience the breakthroughs, the magical moments as we learn about our world is life-affirming.

Heavens I'm going through a bit of a reflective one at the moment aren't I!
Me in relation to what has been the 'norm' perhaps, acceptance and forgiveness for the things I might like to have done differently myself at various points in my life.

I don't like being an outsider, still. But I don't like it enough to go back to school thats for sure. What we have feels rich, wholesome and quite simply do-able! Which for parenting is sometimes what it boils down to isn't it! I'd love to communicate that feeling of deep peace that what we are doing is just right for us all.

The Girl Who Didn't Want to be Taught!

Introducing Blackberry, self-named pseudonym for my eldest girl who is now 8 and a half. Other name suggestions from other members of the family were Firestarter, Pathblazer, Doughnut, those of you who know us will recognise all of these I'm sure!

And so Blackberry indeed takes us along our parenting journey boldly, eyes wide open. She confidently announced to a neighbour 'I'm Never Going Back to School!' this morning (she speaks her heart in the moment without cause for thought). And indeed in the whole year we've been doing this, even in the hardest moments she's never looked back to formal education.

And yet she has been the bane of our life at times as we pull our hair out (both trained teachers!) in bewilderment of well what Do you want to learn then?

Her gift to us all has been the realisation that we need not 'Teach' her anything. She is an intrepid explorer, experimenter, researcher. The teaching goes both ways, the learning is universal. Whilst we navigate the path towards respectful communication and ways to make sure all our needs are met within our family unit, we uncover basic skills for life and development.

This evening she watched a documentary with her Dad. She soaked up information about elements and stars with such joy that we will doubtless be talking about this together for days. As she settled down to sleep it was with the security and trust of someone who is being given the space and responsibility to seek out her own map of the world, manual for life.

I find myself daily finding a deeper trust that children learn the skills and information needed for their growth into adulthood wholly when they are ready. Each stage presents itself symbiotically, we need not fret about whether they will know all they need to know (though of course as responsible and loving parents we do fret and check ourselves regularly!)

When the need (to know something) arises, so too does the desire and thirst to find out. Blackberry reaches out and gets what she needs, it is her nature.

No room for school!

I want more photos on this blog! I guess thats up to me isn't it! Still only just managing to weave the writing on the blog let alone make it as attractive and colourful as some of my blog sister sites (I have totally made this phrase up but it is how I have come to find this late night blog surfing)

Today I got a job! 21 hours variable shift work, fairly low paid but something I wanted ~ with elderly folk ~ new skills and new beginnings all round. We will be threading it into our home ed lifestyle and I have every trust that it will fit in well, shifting us towards supporting ourselves financially. We are only now learning to earn our bread after a combined formal education of forty years, I trust our journey will put us in good stead to model this essential skill for our kids.

We recently stayed with good friends where I had a trial run at home educating whilst doing school runs for my niece. It was too much for me! Sure, one or the other, but both was too much. One of the beauties and central bonuses of the home ed lifestyle for me, is the honouring of natural cycles. Of letting the day unfold, play its course and then curl up to bed.

I have never been a great fan of the clock, and then when adding children to the mix it surely went out the window. Try explaining to a 2 year old that the clocks have gone back and bedtime is at a different time today it just never washed with me. Biorhythms, dips and rises in the humidity, heat, moon phases, these are the nuances to our days. Our routine is structurally sound but moves as a fractal not a machine.

I know this will not wash with my new employer! And clocks are great for meeting up with others, not to mention their clever mechanics and maths opportunities! Maybe its just 9 and 3 I struggle with! Perhaps 7.30 and 12.30 would suit me better, where have our individual choices gone?!

I think that for Elderflower it is one more year all together with no flexischooling; we will of course check this through with her, but we've already giggled together that with our current timetable there is no room for school! I know myself well enough to know that it is better to do one thing well than to try to do many things half-cocked. One home ed group in particular is flourishing, building these relationships is where I am at.

I commit myself to more natural unfoldings, to including our children in their own growth and development, to listening to their needs and the advice and inspiration of other families, to trusting myself as my child's guardian and nurturer.

Bring it on! Next year's gonna be great!!!

Muuuum, Dad said we could.......

Co-parenting whilst home educating often amplifies the life skills being learned as we scale our learning curve. Our life coach has just published her monthly digest, Fruitful: One page of which was this on couple's coaching. I know that we're getting stronger and stronger as a couple, but I wonder if its going to take us longer to deschool ourselves (any excuses why we're still unravelling after nearly the whole first academic year has passed!) because we're bouncing off each other a lot of the time.

Where I might put a strategy or a rhythm in our day if it was just me and the kids, there's a whole other adult to weave around. And the same vice versa. At present, (nearly) everything needs seconding by the other. It can be a relief when the other adult goes out and we become a one (wo)man band for a bit. I trust as our enterprise and employment possibilities progress this will be more and more the norm. We've been alongside (and under) each other's feet for 3 years now.

I very much believe, things are as they are as part of a greater scheme - 'We're not to know' my much-loved aunt would say to me to help comfort when all seemed inexplicably messy! My husband and I are learning masses, growing as individuals and parents as we consistently bounce off each other and learn how to be with an other. Its all practice.

Whilst the progress might feel slow in this new lifestyle, it is likely that having done the hard bit of learning how to work together initially we will be on solid ground for the future when work comes in and things starts changing again. The techniques we have learned to help us communicate and act in assertive, compassionate ways is truly weaving the life we want for our family.

How do you do it? Single parenting, co-parenting, full time, part time, how do your lives ripple in and out of the wholesome tapestry with the kids?

Yak Yak Yak!

We do a lot of talking in this house: well, we can do a lot of talking! Its not always a good thing, wild horses can run off in different directions and pull at each other, this way no this way. Something we find ourselves saying to the kids on occasion (courtesy of our parents): If you can't say anything nice, keep your mouth shut!

The last few weeks, yesterday and today in particular I've been experimenting with saying less. How about taking our own advice? How about listening for a change?

There is a great calmness in it, it naturally leaves more space. I understand that the key to great communication is being a good listener, observing and being present, repeating phrases back/paraphrasing to show I'm listening. It works really well with kids and does keep me more present with them. From this place of gentle observation I can learn so much more about where they're at and what they're needs are.

firemonkey

So the dynamic in this house has reached a shift point again. We have a middle who's possibly looking at returning to school in September and an eldest who's displaying really tired, manic growing pains. I only just looked at us today and realised how much of a storm we're appearing to be. One calling out (unconsciously) for major simplifying, back-to-earth stability while the other is reaching out for more stimulation, more people..

And how can we provide that as home educating parents? I'd love to know your thoughts.

My intuition says that the key is in communicating as a family, finding a space to talk a little about our differing needs, make some plans where the one who's craving to get out can get out and the one who has burnt-out can have some quiet time. And in the mix is the three and a half year old!! One minute the cuddliest, most thoughtful, cooperative bear.. the next, screaming that he wants a sweeeeeett for half an hour.

Surely this is where the richness is, I can feel it as I write that this is the thick of life, human relationships, learning to live together. But maybe its too heavy for Middle? Maybe she'll get a break by  going back into a classroom? Or will she just pick up loads of other family madness and not have the support to process it all?

One thing as a mum I would like to let go of the assumption I have carried with me that I need to answer all their needs. Just me. Its time for that one to head for the door!!

And yet I want to do enough to support them, help them find what they need (at the same time as making sure my own needs are met and my relationship is functioning well!) No small task!

Wow, mums are ace. Trusting all shall be well.