Closing down

I'm signing off this blog for a while, perhaps completely as the new baby has heralded a new change and it feels right to scoop down to one blog rather than keeping three on the go!

Here's the link if you'd like to follow it:

http://mysmallsliceofperfection.blogspot.co.uk/

Life in the new baby household...

Our littlest bear was born on April 10th - we haven't got her blogname yet so I'll save that for another post. Been away from the computer for a while now -- a good sprinkling of new mum sensitivities and tiredness which I hope I am accepting may be here for some more weeks yet.

Today I had some D A R K thoughts about home education! They've moved on now, but I had this image of these children all Swanning around doing what they like without helping out with the house jobs and Why Can't You All Just Bog Off to School Then??????????? I needed to check with a friend - Are they OK? Is it OK for them to be around us when Papa W and I are so very very tired?

Yes it is OK, its real life, its learning opportunity, its still the babymoon and any wild thoughts that we should all be Doing more are fairly misplaced (the old parental guilt rearing its head again!) Besides they are doing heaps, its me who can't chart it! There's many sane traditions about the lying in period when a new baby comes. Modelling this for my daughters feels very wholesome even if I am occasionally champing at the bit to get going again. Where does that pressure come from besides my own impatience?

The moment has passed (so much so that I can't believe I was even thinking it).

Elderflower and Sunburst are out with dad doing the Brownies thing. Blackberry and I have been getting the crystals out of boxes to put them on beautifully sunny window sills ready for the bright moon tonight. She learned today that if you place a bid on ebay its legally binding.... thank heavens she only bid £3! Its her new favourite way to spend her pennies. Most often on old or foreign pennies to add to her collection.

Thats all for now.
Peace.
Ali Weststar x


OK ok ok, here's a photo......

So that's what's going on in the house, incorporating another beautiful soul into our gorgeously thriving home. May we support each other while she lands and allow the richness of this colourful experience simply Be what it is!

Ready to start all over.....!

Time for tiny tee-shirts again! We've been struck how so much comes round and round for attention if you don't get it first time, how many lessons there are to learn over and over until we master them. How blessed we are to get another go at baby time, the unconscious memories from our own babyhoods, the synchronicities that have led to this moment as we enter the newborn phase for the 4th time as parents.

The house we are living in turns out to be a 2 mile bike ride along little Norfolk lanes from a house Papa W lived in 30 years ago. He's revisiting paintings he did then and all the influences of the landscape reminding him of those times. Who'd have thought he'd be here with his family in years to come.

I found a bag yesterday of newborn suits I'd carefully put away before the move - one baby-gro in particular had come full circle through a couple of other families back to us, a suit I'm fairly sure all 3 of our babies wore in the first few weeks of their life. The familiar pattern and the layout of the poppers helped me feel a little more connected to what is about to happen when our new baby comes.

New things happening all the time, new beginnings, new shoots and yet at the same time, same things repeating, comforting rhythmic patterns.

Each child bringing a piece of their experience to our conversations and explorations, weaving our family fabric with unique colours undreamt of by us as parents. And as the fabric grows in depth and strength it is reinforced by repetition; our daily routines, stories new and old, the comforting responses to each others calls for help, the freedom to take time to listen and find solutions together. Magical moments.

The Pregnant Pause: part one

Sunburst putting shoes on our 'pretend-new-bubba' - we'll announce her screen name in when she arrives. Last few days or weeks now, children are being amazing as we go through this transition together - I have a new burst of love for home ed and the gentleness with which we can continue learning, any time of day, during this big life change. A medley of work, play, rest, cuddles, questions, laughter, more questions, trying out new things, finding our way together.

Blackberry has been crocheting chains as bracelets. She would like to learn how to do the Granny squares I've been making, but acknowledges that this may be hard when she doesn't like to be shown directly how to do something!! She has been trying free-style crochet (stick the needle in anywhere, yarn over, and pull through) which so far has made her a beautiful heart shape so perhaps she'll happen upon Granny squares via a new route! Also quietly observing rather than have a 'teacher's commentary' works well for her.

This is Elderflower visiting one of the souls we share our lane with. She would love to visit some dolphins and whales which may be a bit tricky in this country!! She's been into ants and minibeasts but the cold snap has come back to stop us from exploring any further. Bring on the warmer weather :) 

Shining the torch on the things we live with

Hi Blog-friends, 

Please could you share your thoughts/experience if you get a moment - I would love to know what you think about this.

Guilt - where does it come from? how does it serve us as parents?

When was the last time you felt guilty for something? What do you do with that feeling?

Bit cheeky of me I know, but there's this list of things I'm fascinated about at the moment and the words just aren't coming together so I'd really love to do some listening.

Over to you:

Yes Yes Yes!

'Well you never hear someone looking back and saying they wished they'd been at work more! You hear them saying they wish they'd seen the kids more!'

How refreshing to be greeted by this response to the 'Is it still half term?' -type conversation (ie. why are your kids not at school today?). This was our optician who delighted in the presence of the girls at my eye examination this week feeling that he and his wife would've loved to give it a go all those years ago.

Its that Yes! response again which I am a total fan of. I hope to use it more in conversations! Its such a nice way to be together as humans.

I've been grumbling and feeling stuck, this time with Papa W, and had tried to get this down on paper over the course of a day (you know, in and out of fir cones and baking, dolphins and gemstone specification, lunch, breakfast and laundry!), 4 sides it stretched to. Only to arrive at a place where this bit of paper felt so stale, so horrid I couldn't bear to present it to my DH as a constitution for action!

So I screwed it up and put it on the wood pile for starters.

Then I chose a pink piece of paper and wrote 'Blessings' at the top. I used a ridiculous amount of smiley faces - one after each totally awesome thing about my life, and once I'd started they kept coming. It started with Elderflower :) Blackberry :) Sunburst :) and comfortably rolled forwards.

Three-quarters down my page and I still hadn't been able to get an awesome thing about my relationship, though I could sense I was on the edge of the cliff of sorrows ready to jump and soar through that hard bit of letting go of pride or the need to be right. Still, pinpointing the blessing in those difficult feelings wouldn't come.

And then Bam there is was: The power to forgive and let go :) smiley. Able to go with the flow :) smiley. Able to find solutions :) smiley. Able to reflect and notice what feels wrong :) smiley.

Those were the blessings, I didn't have to suddenly turn around, flood with love and right off all the petty yet crucial itemisations I had discovered. But I could open to my ability to let go, and trust my ability to navigate through.

I started off by wallowing in No NO NO until it was totally sour and putrid. This was a necessary part for me. Then switched to Yes yes YES and here came the healing keys. So that's my learning for the day. All growing together.

Baby Holiday

It was announced last week by a close HE friend that this should now be my Baby Holiday -- where we slow down, not expect quite so much from our days. At 34 weeks gestation there is a cruel and mean beast on my right shoulder saying No it is Too Early: you Must keep Pushing and Striving to keep the Strict and Serious business of home education turning Forwards, you can not stop yet!!

Heavens, there's some inner-saboteur soundtrack for you!

It will not surprise you to read that all remains well in the Weststar home - despite the ridiculous on-going chatter of my doubts and stresses (accompanied by the white-knuckle ride of pregnancy hormones and emotions!!) and the quite natural bicker and growth of 3 children and 2 parents navigating their way around a new home and getting ready to welcome our newcomer in April.

There's a book called Idle Parenting -- I may not ever get to actually read it, but I love the title. Its a reminder that we can let our children grow and learn without steering them, butting in every five minutes. So that even if at choice times in life's journey we are less involved, it may consequently be Perfect growth time for the children!! How easy it is to get in their way!!

Blackberry is submerged in learning about herbs to grow and as medicines. She has designed and built with her dad a 'Magic Garden' - a wheel consisting of 6 sections in which we will be growing our herbs. She is due to spend the afternoon with our good friend and herbalist on Tuesday too, to go through her dispensary and help stock-take. Fab.

Elderflower continues to bloom forwards, inspired by a friend and parent at our Barefoot Learners group last Monday to write a song about sharks and turtles, she got her violin out to have a go at a tune for it yesterday. She is enamoured by the story of Winter the dolphin (DVD A Dolphin's Tale - true story, nicely done) and continues to have in-depth, left-field questions about just about everything we encounter and more.

If your children would like to visit their blogs, they are:

Blackberry: http://cheeky7.blogspot.co.uk/
Elderflower: http://elderflowersblog.blogspot.co.uk/
Please leave a comment and share your blog address too :)

Sunburst loves his dad especially at the moment. A lot of cuddles, reassurance, wrestling and boisterousness. Walks in the woods with Blackberry, setting up animal tea parties for Elderflower, high quality lego vehicles and Sunday chocolates.

Yep, our baby holiday will be no dip in the learning curve, just a new rhythm, a freer style and some priceless life skills as we develop patience with each other, the art of going-with-the-flow and easing through yet another transitional time.

Home ed, keeping the heart of family life at our hearth, growing together.

final trimester, final straws

Things are calming down around here, the pregnancy has brought me to yet the next layer of simplifying and slowing down. Recognising I can do less, manage less, juggle less. In a wholesome pregnancy book this would be a celebrated time where I would honour my body and surrender to the process. I'm getting there.... noticing loads of negative mind chatter and frustration, but I hope I'm letting go where I can. I have protestant-work-ethic running in my veins, even when I least expect it there's self-blame and guilt just waiting to plague me!

Blackberry and I have gone grain-free for Lent which gave me the boost of creativity I needed this morning. It was her idea and whilst it might be harder work, I'm really welcoming the change. We had been getting bored with our menu. I followed this diet in the first trimester and it really helped with the nausea because it keeps the blood sugar levels more steady. I'm hoping it may help now with the exhaustion and certainly today I've been more even-keel with physical and emotional worlds. Slower, but I'm still fairly steady at the end of the day whereas over-burning earlier in the day has meant massive exhaustion in the afternoons and evenings, the last week or two.

I wanted to share a very good-humoured jest with a friend today where we were talking about those times when we're not sure home ed is the right thing, when we're in an ebb. She referred to it as having the boarding school on speed dial!

There's been a ripple of interest in chemistry with pH levels and cleaning coins with vinegar for Blackberry. Drying out orange peel in different ways. Pestle and mortar experiments and recipe finding for the Lent diet. Loads of outdoor time and knitting.
Elderflower's still the one who welcomes a bit of working from books most days with English and Maths. Its just one slice of the pizza as the largest chunk of her learning comes from noticing the things around her and the conversations we have. Animals, birds and the dawn of private reading.
Sunburst has gently been introduced to s-a-t-n-i-p phonemes, feels a bit early to me but not to him! Lego constructions are a favourite especially when wearing a cape. Imagination of a creative giant, sometimes we lose track of what has happened and what has been dreamed up, he holds us all in his story-telling genius.

Just non-stop development all day every day, all of them. Trying to list it leaves so much out that its difficult to know how to chart or prove or quantify what's been learned. The Local Education Authority visitor was totally satisfied with our provision so I guess we must have enough 'evidence' even if what can be seen on paper or learned about in a 2 hour home visit only scratches the surface of each family member's growth, development and education journey!

Bye for now, a calm and gestating Weststar :)

Shopping with Blackberry

Ah there's nothing to beat one-to-one time. We are getting there with respecting each child's (and parent's!) need for an opportunity to be *alone* with an other. We find that if we try to structure it too much (you this week, your sister next week) there is too much room for 'Its Not Fair!!' explosions.

And today was a great example of how seizing the moment can work.

I had two whole things I was going to do On My Own in the city and Blackberry was invited to a friend's house. So we drove in together, did a couple of jobs - then we had a few hours apart, then we did the supermarket shop together and had the journey back.

Now in a family of 5 where for the most part we jiggle along side by side, that truly is maximum one-to-one time :)

Shopping was a lot of fun. B is growing in confidence, scooting from aisle to aisle and then catching up with me - this used to be unheard of as she would have anxiety attacks being separated from me. We shared ideas about up coming menus and plans.

At the end of the day she is oozing self-contentment, having been able to carry out a number of her projects with maximum attention from me (and she doesn't need much, just to be able to check a couple of things as she goes along - if I do this with the printer will it work? where do I find an envelope?) The journeys allow the unwinding time for questions to surface as B works through things that are on her mind. 'Mum I really don't want to go back to school'. We are more familiar with each other's shape, more mindful of how we each are.

And I arrived home to my inbox containing an email from Elderflower inviting me to a one-to-one walk in the woods soon 'just me and you'. What an offer!

In an ideal world, these opportunities would come up frequently so that we don't all arrive at the desperate need to be alone with an other at the same time!

How do you fellow mamas and papas seize or create the opportunity to be with just one of your children? Does one of your kids seem to need this more than others? Or does is go through stages?

x A x

Bath chats, car chats, crackling the ice chats

Finally got here!
I might not be long!! I feel like the computer might explode or stop me somehow from musing!

We've moved house, we've had the flu, we're settling now. In equal measure the move has been exciting, giving us many opportunities that we've been asking for for years and frightening as we are a long way from the city, down a lane in the snow, miles from our current support network...

I am fairly confident that it will help me to grow in inner strength and patience -- but I must confess to wondering how it happened quite like this! We had our first cherished visitors today which was bliss.

And so today has been a series of blessings, whilst still feeling poorly from this deep and bizarre virus we've caught, the children are showing signs of being a little more settled. Elderflower is a soft balm at the moment, gently getting on with things, noticing little jobs she can do to help, saying Yes to little ideas I have - shall we walk up to see the horses - Yes Mum.

Yes is such a fabulous word. I hear No a lot and whilst it bounces as much as I can let it, the expansive affirmation of a fellow human being agreeing and joining me in some act is Beautiful and never fails to send warm glowing gratitude into my heart and limbs.

We used to have a day every now and again: A Yes Day. I might bring this practise back. Much needed light and fluffy approach to life, fun, laughter and affirming each other - its all got a bit serious around here at times!


And so onto the home education factor - it has of course given us the freedom to move - I'm not sure I could have coped with the added upheaval of pulling the children from their school and planting them somewhere else all within the time frame of moving house. But if they had a school to go to it may have cushioned them from some of the chaos entering a nicely ordered classroom each day while our many belongings float down around our ears and find places to live within the home environment.

- Where's the crochet hook?! - Where's my sketch book?! - Mum you know that ..... I was working on ..... which box is it in ?! A wise friend helped me recently (I think she specialised in child psychology in her working days) by reminding me that for children to grow as balanced individuals they need a fair share of trauma and chaos. Thank heavens for that!

Just as the word Yes warms my bones, the sight of engaged children, asking questions and figuring new things about their world lights my way. Whether we're sitting with a book, in the bath, on a car journey or walking down the lane the questions keep coming. This is the home education. The children continue to do it their way and they will fill their cups to the brim with the enthusiasm and lust for growth true of all living beings.

Yes!!

Carrying 9 year olds (and other great parenting tips...)

Add moving house to our list of things to achieve, sprinkle on a bit of new year flu! And you have the house of loopiness!

I've been swearing like a trooper at inappropriate moments, exploding with bursts of anger at bedtime (just when the house is starting to become still...), attempting to carry a 9 year old who refuses to go to bed, oooo the list goes on!

Just wanted to balance my blog out with the real picture!!

And thank heavens for telly these last couple of days!
And thank heavens that I am as free with my apologies, forgiveness and revisiting/reflecting as I am with my expressions of anger!

Hope you're all well and that 2013 is beginning well in your families.

I've heard positive things about other schools considering offering flexi-school options. Benjamin's school, a new approach to schooling in Norfolk has completed its bid for starting in Sept 2014 -- sending that proposal much much light :)

It all begins with ideas and with sharing them.

However off-the-wall our dreams may be to create innovative, down-to-earth, real life preparation learning spaces and experiences for our children, we can look around and find that others are having these dreams too.

Whilst my blogging wavers all over the place along with my life experiences, I am holding the light for sharing more, dreaming more, and manifesting more. So that the positive experience we are able to share with our kids, much more family based than any current school offers, can show itself as the very real choice that it is for any other family considering it.

Yes, go on, do it!

Pass the parcel!

Christmas time and my coping strategies change year on year.

This year, having just exchanged contracts on selling our house today, Papa W's five-oh birthday today too and now 25 weeks pregnant added to the mix, I am again in a place where I need to accept less of myself.

Less gifts made for those I love. Less paper acknowledgments (xmas cards) sent out. Less money to spend on the kids. Less privacy to keep stockings etc the magical secret they can sometimes be. Less energy to weave magical, timely, wholesome festive cheer amongst the home team.

I had some time of real discomfort overnight on the 19th when I realised there was no gift completed for my partner and lots of half-finished gifts for others... and that if I did finish them I would probably be on the floor (and what kind of gift is that for those who share my life??!!)

I love looking at the kids' patterns with all this:

Sunburst gives away many of his toys (or tries to) to friends when they visit. He especially likes to wrap them up. He is often thinking what he can give to people. The material things are important in that giving moment and I sense that it doesn't matter who actually 'keeps' them at the end of the playtime. The object may go home with the friend or it may stay here, the gesture of giving is as satisfying either way.

Elderflower is really clear about her gift giving and receiving. She takes time for one person, pours concentrations and care into the making. Things are quite weighty to her -- she won't give away things that she loves, she knows exactly what she wants to buy or acquire when opportunity comes her way. For the moment, gaining is definitely her favourite -- whilst she might think of someone when she sees a particular thing, she would rather keep it for herself than pass it on. She enjoys having money and singles out objects with crystal clarity.

Blackberry is massively generous and effusive in making gifts, cards, projects for others. These flair up quickly and are rarely followed through to actually handing them over (unless a parent comes along, nabs it and bags it up, seals it in an envelope for the person before it is discarded!) But out of the fifty projects begun over a few days, there will be one that is finished and presented and is totally inspired. But that one is no less or more important than the rest, each one is full of a furious and passionate drive to create for herself and for others.

I love that (in my understanding of the world) the energy of the gift we make reaches the person, even if the actual thing does not. I had a fantasy of burning all the cards I've made this year, with love, bcs I'm not sure I've got the where-with-all to distribute effectively now that they are sitting in a box written and sealed. You know in Mary Poppins, the letter that gets ripped up in the fireplace? It whips up the chimney in the magical west wind and is reformed for the nanny to find. That kind of thing.

At this midwinter time of festivities, we've all got our way of expressing ourselves. And each is equal to another, just as our other forms of expression are individual. More or less love can not be equated accurately through material goods. And thats quite a revelation to me. I feel like I'm saying something really basic that everyone else figured out years ago! But for me these things are fairly new -- that what I do is largely down to me, and my behaviour simply makes me, me.

Night time Crunch

Until recently, the kids were up and gone by 7 or 8 and downstairs was mine. It was great for getting the essential personal time needed for ourselves in order to be decent home educators. I liked it.

Not only has that time been slipping away, which i guess is quite natural at this age, I've also found that bedtime has become a battleground again.. . I like to think that I'm not doing anything that different, and all in all I'd like to imagine I'm fairly straightforward, loving, gentle and clear at bedtime but I'm being met with rudeness and stubbornness so something's definitely changed.

Now I mean no harm to my young ones as I share this -- it is hard to imagine these experiences being pinged into cyberspace, but it feels like a really healthy way to glean support and other perspectives from those of you who are reading. I am, like many, keen to be a decent parent and I most definitely don't want to scar them with my inadequacies -- although some scarring is inevitable seeing as we are playing out life Earthside! Sometimes I imagine that if I was non-thinking, reflecting and worrisome about all this, they'd all be a darn sight better off!

I accept however, who I am - and that worrisome, deep thinking and reflective is all part of the deal of choosing me as a mother!

So -- the tiptoe dance with my 9 year old:

I've explained (in my most careful Non-Violent Communication style) that when comments are made at bed time - such as 'We don't want you in here, why can't you just go away?' and 'Yes you keep telling us, I don't see why we have to do what you say', it coincides with me feeling hurt and extra-tired and worn out and not like I can relax in my evening which then can mean I don't feel like I've had my evening break.

I am yet again met with these same comments/tone of voice this evening so I ask B to go down while I read stories to E and S. S hears B fannying about downstairs and gets up to join her. S very much choosing same style of talking -- 'I'm not doing what you say'. 'if i don't get my orange, I'm not going to bed' kind of thing.

I'm calm goddammit (why????!! because they are children going through their own things and because i don't particularly want to tell them what to do authoritatively, threateningly .. and so they can have that freedom sure, and I remain clear about what I expect and whats happening now and I protect my space and time as much as I can without being threatening or lauding over them in a 'I'm the adult' kind of way which I can't stand)

And wait.

And now they are rested and sleeping.

But I'm pretty agitated and trying to find my voice in all of this. I'm saying what I can to B and cuddling her a lot, offering my lap as a recharge space when she needs it - which is still accepted frequently. But my word she's got a mouth on her at the moment!! And I don't want to ignore all of it lest I become a complete doormat. It feels good when I manage not to go all crazy and authoritarian on them (which doesn't work anyway) -- but I'm not entirely sure I've nailed an alternative yet.

Hoping for some light on possible strategies here.
Namaste
A x

An experiment in control

I would love to know what other fabulous parents think about this issue (and please excuse me as this is very flow-of-consciousness this post! I am using the space to work out what I'm feeling)

When does controlling become too restrictive?
How can we as parents know when we are controlling something for our own benefit and actually its not that big a deal for the kids?

Here's some things we control the children's exposure to/use of:
TV, Computer games, internet,
Gluten, Sugar, Caffeine, to many processed foods, hormone injected/factory farmed meat,
Additives, aspartame, artificial colours etc.
(Media, news, other visual images or movies that are teenage or adult themed - though this is not an issue, it is easier to avoid over-exposure to these)

I also control my own exposure to these things - I find that too much of any of these things is detrimental to my health. However, to try to control the kids' use of these things can be really time-consuming, energy sapping and it can often result in me making up arbitrary rules that have no back up - out of fear that somehow we 're going to get swallowed up by these things. I feel I am working against the 'State' who actively promote and expect these things to be a usual part of childhood and life in general, so to try to curb or limit the use of them is swimming against a very swift and strong tide.

Blackberry is cross today. She is tired and cranky because she stayed up late through her own choice, repeatedly ignoring gentle reminders that its late. She is angry because we had two no-screen days at the weekend, my response to suddenly feeling that it had taken over our lives -- she patterns Papa W and I's use of the computer which is having it on all day and writing on it whenever we remember there's something to do, something to check, something to ask, watch etc. We want to change this habit for ourselves. Its an addiction like any other. Without the constant availability of a screen, my creativity soars and I feel more in control of my own life. I am wanting this freedom for my children too.

It is most noticeable when the children crowd round each other on there and are oblivious to anything else.
It curbs our creativity by giving an unlimitable distraction away from real life (and yet what is 'real' life? If a lot of their friends are doing these things unlimited, then what makes my kids any different?). Again, this is partly because of the constant streaming of high-stimulation adverts, information, allusions to a particular lifestyle, mind-numbing and subliminal programming that is allowed and promoted by the State.

Without it though, it is easy to feel isolated (I love blogging and visiting Facebook at intervals) - without television access I can sometimes feel like I am over-sacrificing! Being a martyr to a hippie cause, which isn't true of me. I feel I can hold my centre and accept all different lifestyles, I just want to be able to choose. And yet the pervasiveness of what's offered by mainstream is harder for a child to filter is it not? Or easier maybe...! That's what I mean, when do my parental concerns turn into overkill? These precious creatures that I care for are naturally more evolved than I, and so surely will have other means of filtering all the nonsense out?

And so Blackberry is fighting back by grabbing back her autonomy in other ways. It is slightly more complicated than that (as it is in all family dynamics! and again I won't attempt to psycho-analyse that one on this blog)...  but enough to say that I can see the link between me trying to control things (for what I as her guardian see as being her best interests) and then her needing to assert her autonomy in other ways. And as a result I'm feeling pretty miserable!

I'll leave it there. I'm amazed if you've read to the end, thanks, and I'd love to hear your comments below. I don't know why this has come up for my attention today, but trying to go with it and express it as it works through.
Namaste.

Pathways

Moved to talk about all the different decisions we make in parenting. I'm getting softer definitely on what I consider OK for families -- have been very hard-line 'home edder' for a year or so, probably to support myself through the big transition. But was shown very recently what hard-line can do for our friendships, happiness and general well-being.

We all make decisions based on where we are in our own development, influences, life-path. I think we can tell whether these decisions are healthy or not by how well we feel, how our children are, our inner compass so to speak. But ultimately there are so many factors involved in parenting that where we might strike gold in some areas, we are sure to let some things through the net elsewhere. Its part of the child's natural development to learn from our mistakes as well as what we see to be our successes.

I have this visual image that I'm going to try and put into words, here goes.

A series of lines, webbing, overlapping

 - Television Watching: at one end we have the folk who say (and carry through with) No telly ever, at the other end the folk who have it on all the time, the rest of us walk the line in between.
- Vaccinations: some don't, some do, for all different reasons and none, they choose either end or some place in between.
- Development and education: Predominantly at home, predominantly at school
- Diet: gluten free, dairy free etc at one end, eat anything at the other
- Learning/teaching to read and write
- Availability of Computer
- Relationships with peers
- Relationships with wider family and other significant adults
- Antibiotics
- Communication, answering back not allowed, healthy arguments encouraged
- Birthing, natural process at one end, hospital procedure at other

And so in this web (with many many more lines that I have named) are families, walking their way through this 3,4,5 dimensional map, feeling their way forwards, sometimes confidently, sometimes blindly, sometimes staying still for a while and then bouncing off elsewhere.

Its all OK, that's what I wanted to say. Its all OK. Except when its not, but then noticing when its not is the first and biggest step to realigning and evaluating where you're at. And even then, it is all OK because we're human, we're on our paths each of us and we're figuring out how to do this parenting thing in a very busy and chaotic world. Take a breath and know you are the best person to be with your child right now.

Namaste.

Best Day of the Year

So dubbed by Blackberry as we rode home from the pet shop this evening :) Again reminding me that the magic is indeed in the normality, regularity, the simple.

I get such joy hearing them all with Papa Weststar, they're doing a jigsaw together at the moment. He has such wisdom in the simplicity of what he offers. I heard him earlier say - so what will it be? Clay or painting - at a moment when my clock was well and truly switched off and I'm into total freefall before bed, he has the forward movement of an activity to offer (neither of which they chose to do! but hey!).

It is a total balance between the two of us parenting which I never imagined could happen. When I feel ready to drop he's often there and likewise when he needs space I'm energised to be On the Case Mum. In fact perhaps it is the only way both of us get to flow with our skills by taking it in turns, not so much scheduled-in 'shifts' as naturally letting each other take over when a break is needed. (disclaimer: It is hard work and has taken years to allow the flow of these moments and we frequently mess up!!)

And through all of this, I guess we are finding our rhythm. This follows on from the deschooling period as we are truly planting footsteps a little more surely now. For years I've wanted a better way of marking Advent than a chocolate calendar that they sneak under their pillows and ransack at intervals. My creativity simply couldn't operate when the practical toings and froings of school were at play. And last year, early in the de-schooling period, I was still reeling and landing, allowing the chaos to move noisily around us as we settled.

This year is a bit more spacious. I've a sore throat and headache this evening but I'm listening. I hear my actual need to share on this blog, my inner being calling out for down time, some unravelling. It is only by stopping that I can honour myself with the time I need to get some thoughts, some creative time, some reflecting. I've designed my Advent idea and I can't wait to see how we'll experience this time together over that month.

When I do this stopping and honouring myself, I can feel the peaceful wave move through the house. It is good to listen to what you need kids, its cool to just stop when you need to. Nothing else matters in these moments. I love that mantra: Nowhere to go, Nothing to do. Allow the ebbs when they come and you'll be fully energised for the Flow as it returns!!!

The beauty of the tree that conserves its energy for winter, gracefully loosening and letting go of the patterns, things, concerns and past that it no longer needs.

Stay in your homes!

I'm consistently amazed at just how little I can manage outside of the basics at the moment! 19 weeks pregnant, selling the house, 3 lively kids at home soaking up all the alleys of experience that we explore together. OK so the basics are quite involved to be fair!

Every time I think I've made some big steps to come back to the home, to minimise, simplify, centre... I find just a few weeks later that I'm still running around like a crazy thing and finding all the same symptoms of overwrought come in to play. Pregnancy nausea, exhaustion, dietary confusion, dark days. And its time to minimise some more. Not sure why I'm obsessed with being busy because the kids aren't really that fussed! Some of our best days are the ones where we're at home, taking it steady with good food, each following our own little rhythm inside the rhythm of the day.


Giving up home ed just doesn't feel like an option anymore... although of course it is! I mean I can't imagine losing the freedom and structure to our day - hard work though it is, I am more alive and more authentic than I was before. The quality of life for all of us simply being and growing together was not manageable fitting in to the traditional working timetable.

There we go, a short little moment, didn't want to lost the thread of the blog, though life is turning upside, downside round and round, there's something about checking in -- I totally see how the word blog came about!

Flames of Fear!

Still massive 'bridge' issues with Blackberry, so many areas where she is taking the lead and branching out and feeling older but clashes with me when I ask her to help out or attempt to direct her in any way.

Elderflower's front tooth has come out, feels like another blessed moment in her development, where she noticeably feels older. She wants more of the 'concessions (?)' of her older sister, feels that there is unfairness in the air.

Sunburst fiercely frustrated with others. As my only boy this is all new to me and I am learning on the run! He's ready for some different encounters, new friends perhaps, new situations to grow into.

So wow lots of stuff here!! 

Alongside big changes in our housing situation, at the moment seeming that we may be moving before the end of the year.

So in times of change what shall we do? 

Panic?!

Tempting!! 

I'm certainly catching myself in the Panic camp at moments! But choosing not to go there, certainly not on this public blog (I'll keep that for the privacy of the early hours of the morning where thankfully I've taken to retreating into the silence of colouring creativity, finding my way back to Trust).

Here I'm going to go for Gentle Acceptance. 

Things feel more frightening when we block them, either believing that they are wrong or that somehow we are wrong for experiencing them. It takes a lot of energy to block and so I find that by listing situations and encounters as they are, neither right nor wrong, good nor bad, it releases them from my perceived idea of how things 'should' be.

As a consequence I usually feel massively calmer. This process removes my clinginess to the perceived danger, my patterns of trying to conquer situations, my anxiety that I 'should' be behaving in a certain way.

May I hold a clear safe intention wherever possible and be ever ready to soothe Love on the flames of our angry fears.

...versus Mama Tiger

Well after a day of non-interference (see the last post) I nearly exploded (I was trying it a little too conscientiously I think!) And I was back to growling when required and sticking my oar in sometimes unskillfully. I am in fact human.

Lots of positive stuff is going on - I'll go into those another time. Current challenges: Blackberry's anger bursts of frustration dominating the room of otherwise chilled-out family-members, a disregard for something we'd (I thought) agreed as a family to remove ourselves from the room for explosions and re-enter when we're calm... Oops I could growl quite a bit about my eldest right now actually and I want to protect the privacy of our relationship by holding my tongue a bit.

Its hard eh, parenting, seeing the mirror, knowing when to let go and when to push, when to react, when to ignore -- and if I try to be too skilled and ordered in my responses I eventually reach a place where I can't hold on to my carefulness anymore. It all presents itself to me in an avalanche of worries, frustrations, criticisms of her and me simultaneously, reaching up to the heavens for some guidance on how the heck we move through it, fear that somehow the day has been ruined by this blot on family life, fear that she will never learn anything if she has such a short attention span and threshold for disappointment... it all comes crashing down on top of me and I momentarily break.

One thing that I feel has changed for me in the last year or so is that I'm OK with letting that Mama Tiger out -- I try to let it out in one blast if I get pushed to that place (and generally their are lots of warnings when Mummy is approaching that place!), walk off, out of the space to recentre and make myself safe again and then drop it. I don't hold grudges (as far as I can). We call it putting on our Teflon Suit - non-stick, let it go, drop it.

Lots of forgiveness, lots of compassion - we're all just trying to work it out, moment by moment. She's incredible I know, quite an exquisite soul learning the limits to her behaviour and gifts, like all souls here on earth right now. May I be authentic in my role within her exploration, its OK to be a tiger sometimes.

Out of the Way Mama!!

Today I've been practising the art of staying out of Learning's way. Not physically, as we're all in pretty close proximity around here :) but keeping my thoughts to myself a lot, watching my habit of suggesting, asking and generally butting in to the children's flow. Keeping my focus on my own thing, preparing food, making a card for a friend, other jobs about me, following my own flow which all contributes to letting them follow their own. Also playing, joining in, as appropriate when the (many) opportunities came.

In the Shift film I mentioned (Wayne Dyer) there's a simple sequence where he speaks to a mother of two about how children have their own internal compass - "Let them use it". Rather than 'Can you get your shoes on?', 'Can you brush your hair?', 'Pick up your things now please', 'Can I help you stick that poster up?' (so its more pleasing to my eye and not on the wonk!), 'I think you'll find it easier like this' etc.etc.

Part of this process is about letting go of my ego (or whatever you want to call it)'s hold on what should be happening - a lot of my comments and queries are from a place of anxiety or need for control. It was really relaxing to let go of them, I thoroughly enjoyed the day, handing over this need to grip hold of how the day is shifting.

(I also had a gluten and sugar free day accidentally which may contribute to me feeling calmer)

Here's a list of what happened (and this was all before we got out of our pyjamas!) Again, this is simply what presented itself without me managing anything or leading particularly - except perhaps the spelling and numbers bit with Elderflower which naturally unfolded that way, simply doing as much as she wanted without pushing it. The rest of it was their own flow.

Elderflower recognised an aerial picture of a hurricane and the eye.

We talked about which of our relatives may be able to tell us what it was like to live through the second world war.

Some discussion about dinosaurs, skeletons, fossils, eggs and how the archeologists and scientists have come up with the images of what they think they looked like

The end of the dinosaurs, volcano, meteorite - ice age, whats that, how does it happen?

Pyramids, can you lift one?

Putting up posters, negotiating where to put them.

Blackberry read a story to E and S over breakfast.

Why gloves sometimes have the thumb pointing upwards rather than lying flat - the physiology of the hand.

Counting 1-10 Sunburst

Holidays - why does it take so long to get there?

Game of Happy Families with Flags of the World

Drawing pictures of butterflies and labelling them

Elderflower reading our last chapter together, savouring the book (not wanting it to end!), some spellings, some numbers - practising how hundreds look

Blackberry makes some small bags for her siblings and cousins out of fabric with her sewing machine and puts in some conker pets in them, wraps them all up, labels to give to them later.

Checking out the height chart and seeing if it can be cheated.

I stopped writing the list at midday when we had our lunch. Had a lovely day x