trial and error

Last Friday was hard, middle lovely said she wants to go back to school and the emotional pull between us meant that I want to give her everything and I'm calling out to say yes yes of course love, you can go back. I am learning about being so easily swayed and of course being with them for all of the time again means that its harder to separate out who's needs are who's. I'm very sensitive (as are the kids of course) and I embrace this sensitivity, I think it is a strength in so many ways and it is finding strategies to not get pulled into every emotional twinge going! (This also true of other people's conceptions of home ed and friends' various reactions to our decision!)

So my middle is helping me by being so open and clear about her feelings. I am happy that I have my partner there kind of standing our ground and reminding me that if we say yep sure you can go back on Monday, it could just as well be a few weeks down the line where she says I want to come home again..

So its about responding to whats not working and building on what is working. On Friday I could totally see what she's missing the hustle and bustle of the other children around her, learning alongside, structured activities and the variety of what her excellent adults did with her in reception last year... In a way I wonder whether we should have just taken biggest out as she was heading for year 3 and had had enough of various elements of school so was up for a change. Where as middle pretty much really liked school, what she had experienced of it so far (ie. pupil led, learn through play, unstructured approach which would undoubtedly change in year 1). I can't pretend to offer her anything better than this. But what we are doing is sticking together as a family. The pluses of this are immediate to spot in terms of confidence, joy of life, relaxation, but particularly with middle, are a kind of big question mark for her as if to say what now?

So our response is to say we will carry on this trial til Christmas and to now make a priority of networking and finding other families. There is a school about 10 miles away who embrace flexi-schooling and I am keeping this as an option too - fairly certain that our old school wouldn't accept it and not sure that even if they were willing to discuss it whether i would be comfortable as being a path blazer family for that one in our local climate. the four families that we have kept in touch with are warm about it but there is a strong culture against it. Not sure whether to pursue this line of thought.

So on reading some of a helpful blog by www.muddlepuddle.co.uk/ I am gathering up ideas of things that the kids could have ongoing - the lady there called it 'normals'. A book, particularly for middle as she is the one craving some organisation. I'll put some writing practise in there, and not sure what else to be honest. She's so little! I can talk to friends who trained in early years, there's that bit of me that wants to ask the experts, like i'm not qualified..! Its good to write this down because I can spot how unhelpful it is. I am a really capable human being and I can find out what will help my daughter at this point in her education. Through talking to her, following my natural mothering instinct. This was not a decision we have taken lightly. We feel it is the right thing. Stick with it mrs.