weekend

So its the weekend and we can go out without feeling like lepers! (This is all in my mind I am sure, the more comfortable I become with home edding the less I will feel so conspicuous, naughty and irresponsible).

In fact I feel very responsible, as responsible as I was with my birthing choices and early parenting choices - it can be scary to be totally present with my intentions knowing that they are fairly wild and out there in comparison with a lot of society. But hey I am me and this is now.

We are keeping very in touch with friends from school after my revelation (!) yesterday and so the whole structure of our life is undergoing a change. Everything is up in the air as we gently allow the dust to settle and the newness of the terrain to show itself. Weekends used to be about reconnecting with the children and so it was unlikely that we would reach out to others, but now we are fully connected with the children, it is a great time to meet up and play (although mindful that other schooling families will be reconnecting and having their own family time...)

Responding to my truth and trying this out for however long we try it has renewed my energy levels and probably improved my relationships with school families as I am feeling more genuine. Less depressed about feeling powerless and stuck in a school system I felt uneasy about. Not dissatisfied totally but an unease that contributed drip by drip to some overwhelming emotions of depression and anxiety. I had a course of acupuncture this summer which brought me from a very desperate place to a very empowered place which allowed us to move forwards with this decision.

Later on a friend and her son will be coming for a crafting session. Brilliant.I feel that as we are making this transition, the children are naturally remembering the things they liked about school and missing them. Its great to listen to them and feel some sadness but whereas yesterday I felt a desperation to make it all better and get them whatever they needed to feel comfortable again, today I am accepting that there will be some grieving and that we are checking in with them at all times, they know that they can go back if they want to, but actually they don't push for this, they are accepting of the change and I am learning from them :)

Feeling stronger after taking moment to myself this morning before everyone was up to draw, create and dream - to check how I'm feeling so that I can keep navigating from the inner truth and not get crashed about in the storm of change. Something like that anyway!

We are making some plans for next week for things that we'd like to do with our time. Also I am exploring new meals I can cook as my week used to only involve half this amount of family meals! .....