It was announced last week by a close HE friend that this should now be my Baby Holiday -- where we slow down, not expect quite so much from our days. At 34 weeks gestation there is a cruel and mean beast on my right shoulder saying No it is Too Early: you Must keep Pushing and Striving to keep the Strict and Serious business of home education turning Forwards, you can not stop yet!!
Heavens, there's some inner-saboteur soundtrack for you!
It will not surprise you to read that all remains well in the Weststar home - despite the ridiculous on-going chatter of my doubts and stresses (accompanied by the white-knuckle ride of pregnancy hormones and emotions!!) and the quite natural bicker and growth of 3 children and 2 parents navigating their way around a new home and getting ready to welcome our newcomer in April.
There's a book called Idle Parenting -- I may not ever get to actually read it, but I love the title. Its a reminder that we can let our children grow and learn without steering them, butting in every five minutes. So that even if at choice times in life's journey we are less involved, it may consequently be Perfect growth time for the children!! How easy it is to get in their way!!
Blackberry is submerged in learning about herbs to grow and as medicines. She has designed and built with her dad a 'Magic Garden' - a wheel consisting of 6 sections in which we will be growing our herbs. She is due to spend the afternoon with our good friend and herbalist on Tuesday too, to go through her dispensary and help stock-take. Fab.
Elderflower continues to bloom forwards, inspired by a friend and parent at our Barefoot Learners group last Monday to write a song about sharks and turtles, she got her violin out to have a go at a tune for it yesterday. She is enamoured by the story of Winter the dolphin (DVD A Dolphin's Tale - true story, nicely done) and continues to have in-depth, left-field questions about just about everything we encounter and more.
If your children would like to visit their blogs, they are:
Blackberry: http://cheeky7.blogspot.co.uk/
Elderflower: http://elderflowersblog.blogspot.co.uk/
Please leave a comment and share your blog address too :)
Sunburst loves his dad especially at the moment. A lot of cuddles, reassurance, wrestling and boisterousness. Walks in the woods with Blackberry, setting up animal tea parties for Elderflower, high quality lego vehicles and Sunday chocolates.
Yep, our baby holiday will be no dip in the learning curve, just a new rhythm, a freer style and some priceless life skills as we develop patience with each other, the art of going-with-the-flow and easing through yet another transitional time.
Home ed, keeping the heart of family life at our hearth, growing together.
Sunday, 24 February 2013
Wednesday, 13 February 2013
final trimester, final straws
Things are calming down around here, the pregnancy has brought me to yet the next layer of simplifying and slowing down. Recognising I can do less, manage less, juggle less. In a wholesome pregnancy book this would be a celebrated time where I would honour my body and surrender to the process. I'm getting there.... noticing loads of negative mind chatter and frustration, but I hope I'm letting go where I can. I have protestant-work-ethic running in my veins, even when I least expect it there's self-blame and guilt just waiting to plague me!
Blackberry and I have gone grain-free for Lent which gave me the boost of creativity I needed this morning. It was her idea and whilst it might be harder work, I'm really welcoming the change. We had been getting bored with our menu. I followed this diet in the first trimester and it really helped with the nausea because it keeps the blood sugar levels more steady. I'm hoping it may help now with the exhaustion and certainly today I've been more even-keel with physical and emotional worlds. Slower, but I'm still fairly steady at the end of the day whereas over-burning earlier in the day has meant massive exhaustion in the afternoons and evenings, the last week or two.
I wanted to share a very good-humoured jest with a friend today where we were talking about those times when we're not sure home ed is the right thing, when we're in an ebb. She referred to it as having the boarding school on speed dial!
There's been a ripple of interest in chemistry with pH levels and cleaning coins with vinegar for Blackberry. Drying out orange peel in different ways. Pestle and mortar experiments and recipe finding for the Lent diet. Loads of outdoor time and knitting.
Elderflower's still the one who welcomes a bit of working from books most days with English and Maths. Its just one slice of the pizza as the largest chunk of her learning comes from noticing the things around her and the conversations we have. Animals, birds and the dawn of private reading.
Sunburst has gently been introduced to s-a-t-n-i-p phonemes, feels a bit early to me but not to him! Lego constructions are a favourite especially when wearing a cape. Imagination of a creative giant, sometimes we lose track of what has happened and what has been dreamed up, he holds us all in his story-telling genius.
Just non-stop development all day every day, all of them. Trying to list it leaves so much out that its difficult to know how to chart or prove or quantify what's been learned. The Local Education Authority visitor was totally satisfied with our provision so I guess we must have enough 'evidence' even if what can be seen on paper or learned about in a 2 hour home visit only scratches the surface of each family member's growth, development and education journey!
Bye for now, a calm and gestating Weststar :)
Blackberry and I have gone grain-free for Lent which gave me the boost of creativity I needed this morning. It was her idea and whilst it might be harder work, I'm really welcoming the change. We had been getting bored with our menu. I followed this diet in the first trimester and it really helped with the nausea because it keeps the blood sugar levels more steady. I'm hoping it may help now with the exhaustion and certainly today I've been more even-keel with physical and emotional worlds. Slower, but I'm still fairly steady at the end of the day whereas over-burning earlier in the day has meant massive exhaustion in the afternoons and evenings, the last week or two.
I wanted to share a very good-humoured jest with a friend today where we were talking about those times when we're not sure home ed is the right thing, when we're in an ebb. She referred to it as having the boarding school on speed dial!
There's been a ripple of interest in chemistry with pH levels and cleaning coins with vinegar for Blackberry. Drying out orange peel in different ways. Pestle and mortar experiments and recipe finding for the Lent diet. Loads of outdoor time and knitting.
Elderflower's still the one who welcomes a bit of working from books most days with English and Maths. Its just one slice of the pizza as the largest chunk of her learning comes from noticing the things around her and the conversations we have. Animals, birds and the dawn of private reading.
Sunburst has gently been introduced to s-a-t-n-i-p phonemes, feels a bit early to me but not to him! Lego constructions are a favourite especially when wearing a cape. Imagination of a creative giant, sometimes we lose track of what has happened and what has been dreamed up, he holds us all in his story-telling genius.
Just non-stop development all day every day, all of them. Trying to list it leaves so much out that its difficult to know how to chart or prove or quantify what's been learned. The Local Education Authority visitor was totally satisfied with our provision so I guess we must have enough 'evidence' even if what can be seen on paper or learned about in a 2 hour home visit only scratches the surface of each family member's growth, development and education journey!
Bye for now, a calm and gestating Weststar :)
Saturday, 2 February 2013
Shopping with Blackberry
Ah there's nothing to beat one-to-one time. We are getting there with respecting each child's (and parent's!) need for an opportunity to be *alone* with an other. We find that if we try to structure it too much (you this week, your sister next week) there is too much room for 'Its Not Fair!!' explosions.
And today was a great example of how seizing the moment can work.
I had two whole things I was going to do On My Own in the city and Blackberry was invited to a friend's house. So we drove in together, did a couple of jobs - then we had a few hours apart, then we did the supermarket shop together and had the journey back.
Now in a family of 5 where for the most part we jiggle along side by side, that truly is maximum one-to-one time :)
Shopping was a lot of fun. B is growing in confidence, scooting from aisle to aisle and then catching up with me - this used to be unheard of as she would have anxiety attacks being separated from me. We shared ideas about up coming menus and plans.
At the end of the day she is oozing self-contentment, having been able to carry out a number of her projects with maximum attention from me (and she doesn't need much, just to be able to check a couple of things as she goes along - if I do this with the printer will it work? where do I find an envelope?) The journeys allow the unwinding time for questions to surface as B works through things that are on her mind. 'Mum I really don't want to go back to school'. We are more familiar with each other's shape, more mindful of how we each are.
And I arrived home to my inbox containing an email from Elderflower inviting me to a one-to-one walk in the woods soon 'just me and you'. What an offer!
In an ideal world, these opportunities would come up frequently so that we don't all arrive at the desperate need to be alone with an other at the same time!
How do you fellow mamas and papas seize or create the opportunity to be with just one of your children? Does one of your kids seem to need this more than others? Or does is go through stages?
x A x
And today was a great example of how seizing the moment can work.
I had two whole things I was going to do On My Own in the city and Blackberry was invited to a friend's house. So we drove in together, did a couple of jobs - then we had a few hours apart, then we did the supermarket shop together and had the journey back.
Now in a family of 5 where for the most part we jiggle along side by side, that truly is maximum one-to-one time :)
Shopping was a lot of fun. B is growing in confidence, scooting from aisle to aisle and then catching up with me - this used to be unheard of as she would have anxiety attacks being separated from me. We shared ideas about up coming menus and plans.
At the end of the day she is oozing self-contentment, having been able to carry out a number of her projects with maximum attention from me (and she doesn't need much, just to be able to check a couple of things as she goes along - if I do this with the printer will it work? where do I find an envelope?) The journeys allow the unwinding time for questions to surface as B works through things that are on her mind. 'Mum I really don't want to go back to school'. We are more familiar with each other's shape, more mindful of how we each are.
And I arrived home to my inbox containing an email from Elderflower inviting me to a one-to-one walk in the woods soon 'just me and you'. What an offer!
In an ideal world, these opportunities would come up frequently so that we don't all arrive at the desperate need to be alone with an other at the same time!
How do you fellow mamas and papas seize or create the opportunity to be with just one of your children? Does one of your kids seem to need this more than others? Or does is go through stages?
x A x
Friday, 25 January 2013
Bath chats, car chats, crackling the ice chats
Finally got here!
I might not be long!! I feel like the computer might explode or stop me somehow from musing!
We've moved house, we've had the flu, we're settling now. In equal measure the move has been exciting, giving us many opportunities that we've been asking for for years and frightening as we are a long way from the city, down a lane in the snow, miles from our current support network...
I am fairly confident that it will help me to grow in inner strength and patience -- but I must confess to wondering how it happened quite like this! We had our first cherished visitors today which was bliss.
And so today has been a series of blessings, whilst still feeling poorly from this deep and bizarre virus we've caught, the children are showing signs of being a little more settled. Elderflower is a soft balm at the moment, gently getting on with things, noticing little jobs she can do to help, saying Yes to little ideas I have - shall we walk up to see the horses - Yes Mum.
Yes is such a fabulous word. I hear No a lot and whilst it bounces as much as I can let it, the expansive affirmation of a fellow human being agreeing and joining me in some act is Beautiful and never fails to send warm glowing gratitude into my heart and limbs.
We used to have a day every now and again: A Yes Day. I might bring this practise back. Much needed light and fluffy approach to life, fun, laughter and affirming each other - its all got a bit serious around here at times!
And so onto the home education factor - it has of course given us the freedom to move - I'm not sure I could have coped with the added upheaval of pulling the children from their school and planting them somewhere else all within the time frame of moving house. But if they had a school to go to it may have cushioned them from some of the chaos entering a nicely ordered classroom each day while our many belongings float down around our ears and find places to live within the home environment.
- Where's the crochet hook?! - Where's my sketch book?! - Mum you know that ..... I was working on ..... which box is it in ?! A wise friend helped me recently (I think she specialised in child psychology in her working days) by reminding me that for children to grow as balanced individuals they need a fair share of trauma and chaos. Thank heavens for that!
Just as the word Yes warms my bones, the sight of engaged children, asking questions and figuring new things about their world lights my way. Whether we're sitting with a book, in the bath, on a car journey or walking down the lane the questions keep coming. This is the home education. The children continue to do it their way and they will fill their cups to the brim with the enthusiasm and lust for growth true of all living beings.
Yes!!
I might not be long!! I feel like the computer might explode or stop me somehow from musing!
We've moved house, we've had the flu, we're settling now. In equal measure the move has been exciting, giving us many opportunities that we've been asking for for years and frightening as we are a long way from the city, down a lane in the snow, miles from our current support network...
I am fairly confident that it will help me to grow in inner strength and patience -- but I must confess to wondering how it happened quite like this! We had our first cherished visitors today which was bliss.
And so today has been a series of blessings, whilst still feeling poorly from this deep and bizarre virus we've caught, the children are showing signs of being a little more settled. Elderflower is a soft balm at the moment, gently getting on with things, noticing little jobs she can do to help, saying Yes to little ideas I have - shall we walk up to see the horses - Yes Mum.
Yes is such a fabulous word. I hear No a lot and whilst it bounces as much as I can let it, the expansive affirmation of a fellow human being agreeing and joining me in some act is Beautiful and never fails to send warm glowing gratitude into my heart and limbs.
We used to have a day every now and again: A Yes Day. I might bring this practise back. Much needed light and fluffy approach to life, fun, laughter and affirming each other - its all got a bit serious around here at times!
And so onto the home education factor - it has of course given us the freedom to move - I'm not sure I could have coped with the added upheaval of pulling the children from their school and planting them somewhere else all within the time frame of moving house. But if they had a school to go to it may have cushioned them from some of the chaos entering a nicely ordered classroom each day while our many belongings float down around our ears and find places to live within the home environment.
- Where's the crochet hook?! - Where's my sketch book?! - Mum you know that ..... I was working on ..... which box is it in ?! A wise friend helped me recently (I think she specialised in child psychology in her working days) by reminding me that for children to grow as balanced individuals they need a fair share of trauma and chaos. Thank heavens for that!
Just as the word Yes warms my bones, the sight of engaged children, asking questions and figuring new things about their world lights my way. Whether we're sitting with a book, in the bath, on a car journey or walking down the lane the questions keep coming. This is the home education. The children continue to do it their way and they will fill their cups to the brim with the enthusiasm and lust for growth true of all living beings.
Yes!!
Saturday, 5 January 2013
Carrying 9 year olds (and other great parenting tips...)
Add moving house to our list of things to achieve, sprinkle on a bit of new year flu! And you have the house of loopiness!
I've been swearing like a trooper at inappropriate moments, exploding with bursts of anger at bedtime (just when the house is starting to become still...), attempting to carry a 9 year old who refuses to go to bed, oooo the list goes on!
Just wanted to balance my blog out with the real picture!!
And thank heavens for telly these last couple of days!
And thank heavens that I am as free with my apologies, forgiveness and revisiting/reflecting as I am with my expressions of anger!
Hope you're all well and that 2013 is beginning well in your families.
I've heard positive things about other schools considering offering flexi-school options. Benjamin's school, a new approach to schooling in Norfolk has completed its bid for starting in Sept 2014 -- sending that proposal much much light :)
It all begins with ideas and with sharing them.
However off-the-wall our dreams may be to create innovative, down-to-earth, real life preparation learning spaces and experiences for our children, we can look around and find that others are having these dreams too.
Whilst my blogging wavers all over the place along with my life experiences, I am holding the light for sharing more, dreaming more, and manifesting more. So that the positive experience we are able to share with our kids, much more family based than any current school offers, can show itself as the very real choice that it is for any other family considering it.
Yes, go on, do it!
I've been swearing like a trooper at inappropriate moments, exploding with bursts of anger at bedtime (just when the house is starting to become still...), attempting to carry a 9 year old who refuses to go to bed, oooo the list goes on!
Just wanted to balance my blog out with the real picture!!
And thank heavens for telly these last couple of days!
And thank heavens that I am as free with my apologies, forgiveness and revisiting/reflecting as I am with my expressions of anger!
Hope you're all well and that 2013 is beginning well in your families.
I've heard positive things about other schools considering offering flexi-school options. Benjamin's school, a new approach to schooling in Norfolk has completed its bid for starting in Sept 2014 -- sending that proposal much much light :)
It all begins with ideas and with sharing them.
However off-the-wall our dreams may be to create innovative, down-to-earth, real life preparation learning spaces and experiences for our children, we can look around and find that others are having these dreams too.
Whilst my blogging wavers all over the place along with my life experiences, I am holding the light for sharing more, dreaming more, and manifesting more. So that the positive experience we are able to share with our kids, much more family based than any current school offers, can show itself as the very real choice that it is for any other family considering it.
Yes, go on, do it!
Friday, 21 December 2012
Pass the parcel!
Christmas time and my coping strategies change year on year.
This year, having just exchanged contracts on selling our house today, Papa W's five-oh birthday today too and now 25 weeks pregnant added to the mix, I am again in a place where I need to accept less of myself.
Less gifts made for those I love. Less paper acknowledgments (xmas cards) sent out. Less money to spend on the kids. Less privacy to keep stockings etc the magical secret they can sometimes be. Less energy to weave magical, timely, wholesome festive cheer amongst the home team.
I had some time of real discomfort overnight on the 19th when I realised there was no gift completed for my partner and lots of half-finished gifts for others... and that if I did finish them I would probably be on the floor (and what kind of gift is that for those who share my life??!!)
I love looking at the kids' patterns with all this:
Sunburst gives away many of his toys (or tries to) to friends when they visit. He especially likes to wrap them up. He is often thinking what he can give to people. The material things are important in that giving moment and I sense that it doesn't matter who actually 'keeps' them at the end of the playtime. The object may go home with the friend or it may stay here, the gesture of giving is as satisfying either way.
Elderflower is really clear about her gift giving and receiving. She takes time for one person, pours concentrations and care into the making. Things are quite weighty to her -- she won't give away things that she loves, she knows exactly what she wants to buy or acquire when opportunity comes her way. For the moment, gaining is definitely her favourite -- whilst she might think of someone when she sees a particular thing, she would rather keep it for herself than pass it on. She enjoys having money and singles out objects with crystal clarity.
Blackberry is massively generous and effusive in making gifts, cards, projects for others. These flair up quickly and are rarely followed through to actually handing them over (unless a parent comes along, nabs it and bags it up, seals it in an envelope for the person before it is discarded!) But out of the fifty projects begun over a few days, there will be one that is finished and presented and is totally inspired. But that one is no less or more important than the rest, each one is full of a furious and passionate drive to create for herself and for others.
I love that (in my understanding of the world) the energy of the gift we make reaches the person, even if the actual thing does not. I had a fantasy of burning all the cards I've made this year, with love, bcs I'm not sure I've got the where-with-all to distribute effectively now that they are sitting in a box written and sealed. You know in Mary Poppins, the letter that gets ripped up in the fireplace? It whips up the chimney in the magical west wind and is reformed for the nanny to find. That kind of thing.
At this midwinter time of festivities, we've all got our way of expressing ourselves. And each is equal to another, just as our other forms of expression are individual. More or less love can not be equated accurately through material goods. And thats quite a revelation to me. I feel like I'm saying something really basic that everyone else figured out years ago! But for me these things are fairly new -- that what I do is largely down to me, and my behaviour simply makes me, me.
This year, having just exchanged contracts on selling our house today, Papa W's five-oh birthday today too and now 25 weeks pregnant added to the mix, I am again in a place where I need to accept less of myself.
Less gifts made for those I love. Less paper acknowledgments (xmas cards) sent out. Less money to spend on the kids. Less privacy to keep stockings etc the magical secret they can sometimes be. Less energy to weave magical, timely, wholesome festive cheer amongst the home team.
I had some time of real discomfort overnight on the 19th when I realised there was no gift completed for my partner and lots of half-finished gifts for others... and that if I did finish them I would probably be on the floor (and what kind of gift is that for those who share my life??!!)
I love looking at the kids' patterns with all this:
Sunburst gives away many of his toys (or tries to) to friends when they visit. He especially likes to wrap them up. He is often thinking what he can give to people. The material things are important in that giving moment and I sense that it doesn't matter who actually 'keeps' them at the end of the playtime. The object may go home with the friend or it may stay here, the gesture of giving is as satisfying either way.
Elderflower is really clear about her gift giving and receiving. She takes time for one person, pours concentrations and care into the making. Things are quite weighty to her -- she won't give away things that she loves, she knows exactly what she wants to buy or acquire when opportunity comes her way. For the moment, gaining is definitely her favourite -- whilst she might think of someone when she sees a particular thing, she would rather keep it for herself than pass it on. She enjoys having money and singles out objects with crystal clarity.
Blackberry is massively generous and effusive in making gifts, cards, projects for others. These flair up quickly and are rarely followed through to actually handing them over (unless a parent comes along, nabs it and bags it up, seals it in an envelope for the person before it is discarded!) But out of the fifty projects begun over a few days, there will be one that is finished and presented and is totally inspired. But that one is no less or more important than the rest, each one is full of a furious and passionate drive to create for herself and for others.
I love that (in my understanding of the world) the energy of the gift we make reaches the person, even if the actual thing does not. I had a fantasy of burning all the cards I've made this year, with love, bcs I'm not sure I've got the where-with-all to distribute effectively now that they are sitting in a box written and sealed. You know in Mary Poppins, the letter that gets ripped up in the fireplace? It whips up the chimney in the magical west wind and is reformed for the nanny to find. That kind of thing.
At this midwinter time of festivities, we've all got our way of expressing ourselves. And each is equal to another, just as our other forms of expression are individual. More or less love can not be equated accurately through material goods. And thats quite a revelation to me. I feel like I'm saying something really basic that everyone else figured out years ago! But for me these things are fairly new -- that what I do is largely down to me, and my behaviour simply makes me, me.
Saturday, 15 December 2012
Night time Crunch
Until recently, the kids were up and gone by 7 or 8 and downstairs was mine. It was great for getting the essential personal time needed for ourselves in order to be decent home educators. I liked it.
Not only has that time been slipping away, which i guess is quite natural at this age, I've also found that bedtime has become a battleground again.. . I like to think that I'm not doing anything that different, and all in all I'd like to imagine I'm fairly straightforward, loving, gentle and clear at bedtime but I'm being met with rudeness and stubbornness so something's definitely changed.
Now I mean no harm to my young ones as I share this -- it is hard to imagine these experiences being pinged into cyberspace, but it feels like a really healthy way to glean support and other perspectives from those of you who are reading. I am, like many, keen to be a decent parent and I most definitely don't want to scar them with my inadequacies -- although some scarring is inevitable seeing as we are playing out life Earthside! Sometimes I imagine that if I was non-thinking, reflecting and worrisome about all this, they'd all be a darn sight better off!
I accept however, who I am - and that worrisome, deep thinking and reflective is all part of the deal of choosing me as a mother!
So -- the tiptoe dance with my 9 year old:
I've explained (in my most careful Non-Violent Communication style) that when comments are made at bed time - such as 'We don't want you in here, why can't you just go away?' and 'Yes you keep telling us, I don't see why we have to do what you say', it coincides with me feeling hurt and extra-tired and worn out and not like I can relax in my evening which then can mean I don't feel like I've had my evening break.
I am yet again met with these same comments/tone of voice this evening so I ask B to go down while I read stories to E and S. S hears B fannying about downstairs and gets up to join her. S very much choosing same style of talking -- 'I'm not doing what you say'. 'if i don't get my orange, I'm not going to bed' kind of thing.
I'm calm goddammit (why????!! because they are children going through their own things and because i don't particularly want to tell them what to do authoritatively, threateningly .. and so they can have that freedom sure, and I remain clear about what I expect and whats happening now and I protect my space and time as much as I can without being threatening or lauding over them in a 'I'm the adult' kind of way which I can't stand)
And wait.
And now they are rested and sleeping.
But I'm pretty agitated and trying to find my voice in all of this. I'm saying what I can to B and cuddling her a lot, offering my lap as a recharge space when she needs it - which is still accepted frequently. But my word she's got a mouth on her at the moment!! And I don't want to ignore all of it lest I become a complete doormat. It feels good when I manage not to go all crazy and authoritarian on them (which doesn't work anyway) -- but I'm not entirely sure I've nailed an alternative yet.
Hoping for some light on possible strategies here.
Namaste
A x
Not only has that time been slipping away, which i guess is quite natural at this age, I've also found that bedtime has become a battleground again.. . I like to think that I'm not doing anything that different, and all in all I'd like to imagine I'm fairly straightforward, loving, gentle and clear at bedtime but I'm being met with rudeness and stubbornness so something's definitely changed.
Now I mean no harm to my young ones as I share this -- it is hard to imagine these experiences being pinged into cyberspace, but it feels like a really healthy way to glean support and other perspectives from those of you who are reading. I am, like many, keen to be a decent parent and I most definitely don't want to scar them with my inadequacies -- although some scarring is inevitable seeing as we are playing out life Earthside! Sometimes I imagine that if I was non-thinking, reflecting and worrisome about all this, they'd all be a darn sight better off!
I accept however, who I am - and that worrisome, deep thinking and reflective is all part of the deal of choosing me as a mother!
So -- the tiptoe dance with my 9 year old:
I've explained (in my most careful Non-Violent Communication style) that when comments are made at bed time - such as 'We don't want you in here, why can't you just go away?' and 'Yes you keep telling us, I don't see why we have to do what you say', it coincides with me feeling hurt and extra-tired and worn out and not like I can relax in my evening which then can mean I don't feel like I've had my evening break.
I am yet again met with these same comments/tone of voice this evening so I ask B to go down while I read stories to E and S. S hears B fannying about downstairs and gets up to join her. S very much choosing same style of talking -- 'I'm not doing what you say'. 'if i don't get my orange, I'm not going to bed' kind of thing.
I'm calm goddammit (why????!! because they are children going through their own things and because i don't particularly want to tell them what to do authoritatively, threateningly .. and so they can have that freedom sure, and I remain clear about what I expect and whats happening now and I protect my space and time as much as I can without being threatening or lauding over them in a 'I'm the adult' kind of way which I can't stand)
And wait.
And now they are rested and sleeping.
But I'm pretty agitated and trying to find my voice in all of this. I'm saying what I can to B and cuddling her a lot, offering my lap as a recharge space when she needs it - which is still accepted frequently. But my word she's got a mouth on her at the moment!! And I don't want to ignore all of it lest I become a complete doormat. It feels good when I manage not to go all crazy and authoritarian on them (which doesn't work anyway) -- but I'm not entirely sure I've nailed an alternative yet.
Hoping for some light on possible strategies here.
Namaste
A x
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