Life in the new baby household...

Our littlest bear was born on April 10th - we haven't got her blogname yet so I'll save that for another post. Been away from the computer for a while now -- a good sprinkling of new mum sensitivities and tiredness which I hope I am accepting may be here for some more weeks yet.

Today I had some D A R K thoughts about home education! They've moved on now, but I had this image of these children all Swanning around doing what they like without helping out with the house jobs and Why Can't You All Just Bog Off to School Then??????????? I needed to check with a friend - Are they OK? Is it OK for them to be around us when Papa W and I are so very very tired?

Yes it is OK, its real life, its learning opportunity, its still the babymoon and any wild thoughts that we should all be Doing more are fairly misplaced (the old parental guilt rearing its head again!) Besides they are doing heaps, its me who can't chart it! There's many sane traditions about the lying in period when a new baby comes. Modelling this for my daughters feels very wholesome even if I am occasionally champing at the bit to get going again. Where does that pressure come from besides my own impatience?

The moment has passed (so much so that I can't believe I was even thinking it).

Elderflower and Sunburst are out with dad doing the Brownies thing. Blackberry and I have been getting the crystals out of boxes to put them on beautifully sunny window sills ready for the bright moon tonight. She learned today that if you place a bid on ebay its legally binding.... thank heavens she only bid £3! Its her new favourite way to spend her pennies. Most often on old or foreign pennies to add to her collection.

Thats all for now.
Peace.
Ali Weststar x


OK ok ok, here's a photo......

So that's what's going on in the house, incorporating another beautiful soul into our gorgeously thriving home. May we support each other while she lands and allow the richness of this colourful experience simply Be what it is!

Ready to start all over.....!

Time for tiny tee-shirts again! We've been struck how so much comes round and round for attention if you don't get it first time, how many lessons there are to learn over and over until we master them. How blessed we are to get another go at baby time, the unconscious memories from our own babyhoods, the synchronicities that have led to this moment as we enter the newborn phase for the 4th time as parents.

The house we are living in turns out to be a 2 mile bike ride along little Norfolk lanes from a house Papa W lived in 30 years ago. He's revisiting paintings he did then and all the influences of the landscape reminding him of those times. Who'd have thought he'd be here with his family in years to come.

I found a bag yesterday of newborn suits I'd carefully put away before the move - one baby-gro in particular had come full circle through a couple of other families back to us, a suit I'm fairly sure all 3 of our babies wore in the first few weeks of their life. The familiar pattern and the layout of the poppers helped me feel a little more connected to what is about to happen when our new baby comes.

New things happening all the time, new beginnings, new shoots and yet at the same time, same things repeating, comforting rhythmic patterns.

Each child bringing a piece of their experience to our conversations and explorations, weaving our family fabric with unique colours undreamt of by us as parents. And as the fabric grows in depth and strength it is reinforced by repetition; our daily routines, stories new and old, the comforting responses to each others calls for help, the freedom to take time to listen and find solutions together. Magical moments.

final trimester, final straws

Things are calming down around here, the pregnancy has brought me to yet the next layer of simplifying and slowing down. Recognising I can do less, manage less, juggle less. In a wholesome pregnancy book this would be a celebrated time where I would honour my body and surrender to the process. I'm getting there.... noticing loads of negative mind chatter and frustration, but I hope I'm letting go where I can. I have protestant-work-ethic running in my veins, even when I least expect it there's self-blame and guilt just waiting to plague me!

Blackberry and I have gone grain-free for Lent which gave me the boost of creativity I needed this morning. It was her idea and whilst it might be harder work, I'm really welcoming the change. We had been getting bored with our menu. I followed this diet in the first trimester and it really helped with the nausea because it keeps the blood sugar levels more steady. I'm hoping it may help now with the exhaustion and certainly today I've been more even-keel with physical and emotional worlds. Slower, but I'm still fairly steady at the end of the day whereas over-burning earlier in the day has meant massive exhaustion in the afternoons and evenings, the last week or two.

I wanted to share a very good-humoured jest with a friend today where we were talking about those times when we're not sure home ed is the right thing, when we're in an ebb. She referred to it as having the boarding school on speed dial!

There's been a ripple of interest in chemistry with pH levels and cleaning coins with vinegar for Blackberry. Drying out orange peel in different ways. Pestle and mortar experiments and recipe finding for the Lent diet. Loads of outdoor time and knitting.
Elderflower's still the one who welcomes a bit of working from books most days with English and Maths. Its just one slice of the pizza as the largest chunk of her learning comes from noticing the things around her and the conversations we have. Animals, birds and the dawn of private reading.
Sunburst has gently been introduced to s-a-t-n-i-p phonemes, feels a bit early to me but not to him! Lego constructions are a favourite especially when wearing a cape. Imagination of a creative giant, sometimes we lose track of what has happened and what has been dreamed up, he holds us all in his story-telling genius.

Just non-stop development all day every day, all of them. Trying to list it leaves so much out that its difficult to know how to chart or prove or quantify what's been learned. The Local Education Authority visitor was totally satisfied with our provision so I guess we must have enough 'evidence' even if what can be seen on paper or learned about in a 2 hour home visit only scratches the surface of each family member's growth, development and education journey!

Bye for now, a calm and gestating Weststar :)

An experiment in control

I would love to know what other fabulous parents think about this issue (and please excuse me as this is very flow-of-consciousness this post! I am using the space to work out what I'm feeling)

When does controlling become too restrictive?
How can we as parents know when we are controlling something for our own benefit and actually its not that big a deal for the kids?

Here's some things we control the children's exposure to/use of:
TV, Computer games, internet,
Gluten, Sugar, Caffeine, to many processed foods, hormone injected/factory farmed meat,
Additives, aspartame, artificial colours etc.
(Media, news, other visual images or movies that are teenage or adult themed - though this is not an issue, it is easier to avoid over-exposure to these)

I also control my own exposure to these things - I find that too much of any of these things is detrimental to my health. However, to try to control the kids' use of these things can be really time-consuming, energy sapping and it can often result in me making up arbitrary rules that have no back up - out of fear that somehow we 're going to get swallowed up by these things. I feel I am working against the 'State' who actively promote and expect these things to be a usual part of childhood and life in general, so to try to curb or limit the use of them is swimming against a very swift and strong tide.

Blackberry is cross today. She is tired and cranky because she stayed up late through her own choice, repeatedly ignoring gentle reminders that its late. She is angry because we had two no-screen days at the weekend, my response to suddenly feeling that it had taken over our lives -- she patterns Papa W and I's use of the computer which is having it on all day and writing on it whenever we remember there's something to do, something to check, something to ask, watch etc. We want to change this habit for ourselves. Its an addiction like any other. Without the constant availability of a screen, my creativity soars and I feel more in control of my own life. I am wanting this freedom for my children too.

It is most noticeable when the children crowd round each other on there and are oblivious to anything else.
It curbs our creativity by giving an unlimitable distraction away from real life (and yet what is 'real' life? If a lot of their friends are doing these things unlimited, then what makes my kids any different?). Again, this is partly because of the constant streaming of high-stimulation adverts, information, allusions to a particular lifestyle, mind-numbing and subliminal programming that is allowed and promoted by the State.

Without it though, it is easy to feel isolated (I love blogging and visiting Facebook at intervals) - without television access I can sometimes feel like I am over-sacrificing! Being a martyr to a hippie cause, which isn't true of me. I feel I can hold my centre and accept all different lifestyles, I just want to be able to choose. And yet the pervasiveness of what's offered by mainstream is harder for a child to filter is it not? Or easier maybe...! That's what I mean, when do my parental concerns turn into overkill? These precious creatures that I care for are naturally more evolved than I, and so surely will have other means of filtering all the nonsense out?

And so Blackberry is fighting back by grabbing back her autonomy in other ways. It is slightly more complicated than that (as it is in all family dynamics! and again I won't attempt to psycho-analyse that one on this blog)...  but enough to say that I can see the link between me trying to control things (for what I as her guardian see as being her best interests) and then her needing to assert her autonomy in other ways. And as a result I'm feeling pretty miserable!

I'll leave it there. I'm amazed if you've read to the end, thanks, and I'd love to hear your comments below. I don't know why this has come up for my attention today, but trying to go with it and express it as it works through.
Namaste.

Pathways

Moved to talk about all the different decisions we make in parenting. I'm getting softer definitely on what I consider OK for families -- have been very hard-line 'home edder' for a year or so, probably to support myself through the big transition. But was shown very recently what hard-line can do for our friendships, happiness and general well-being.

We all make decisions based on where we are in our own development, influences, life-path. I think we can tell whether these decisions are healthy or not by how well we feel, how our children are, our inner compass so to speak. But ultimately there are so many factors involved in parenting that where we might strike gold in some areas, we are sure to let some things through the net elsewhere. Its part of the child's natural development to learn from our mistakes as well as what we see to be our successes.

I have this visual image that I'm going to try and put into words, here goes.

A series of lines, webbing, overlapping

 - Television Watching: at one end we have the folk who say (and carry through with) No telly ever, at the other end the folk who have it on all the time, the rest of us walk the line in between.
- Vaccinations: some don't, some do, for all different reasons and none, they choose either end or some place in between.
- Development and education: Predominantly at home, predominantly at school
- Diet: gluten free, dairy free etc at one end, eat anything at the other
- Learning/teaching to read and write
- Availability of Computer
- Relationships with peers
- Relationships with wider family and other significant adults
- Antibiotics
- Communication, answering back not allowed, healthy arguments encouraged
- Birthing, natural process at one end, hospital procedure at other

And so in this web (with many many more lines that I have named) are families, walking their way through this 3,4,5 dimensional map, feeling their way forwards, sometimes confidently, sometimes blindly, sometimes staying still for a while and then bouncing off elsewhere.

Its all OK, that's what I wanted to say. Its all OK. Except when its not, but then noticing when its not is the first and biggest step to realigning and evaluating where you're at. And even then, it is all OK because we're human, we're on our paths each of us and we're figuring out how to do this parenting thing in a very busy and chaotic world. Take a breath and know you are the best person to be with your child right now.

Namaste.

Stay in your homes!

I'm consistently amazed at just how little I can manage outside of the basics at the moment! 19 weeks pregnant, selling the house, 3 lively kids at home soaking up all the alleys of experience that we explore together. OK so the basics are quite involved to be fair!

Every time I think I've made some big steps to come back to the home, to minimise, simplify, centre... I find just a few weeks later that I'm still running around like a crazy thing and finding all the same symptoms of overwrought come in to play. Pregnancy nausea, exhaustion, dietary confusion, dark days. And its time to minimise some more. Not sure why I'm obsessed with being busy because the kids aren't really that fussed! Some of our best days are the ones where we're at home, taking it steady with good food, each following our own little rhythm inside the rhythm of the day.


Giving up home ed just doesn't feel like an option anymore... although of course it is! I mean I can't imagine losing the freedom and structure to our day - hard work though it is, I am more alive and more authentic than I was before. The quality of life for all of us simply being and growing together was not manageable fitting in to the traditional working timetable.

There we go, a short little moment, didn't want to lost the thread of the blog, though life is turning upside, downside round and round, there's something about checking in -- I totally see how the word blog came about!

Flames of Fear!

Still massive 'bridge' issues with Blackberry, so many areas where she is taking the lead and branching out and feeling older but clashes with me when I ask her to help out or attempt to direct her in any way.

Elderflower's front tooth has come out, feels like another blessed moment in her development, where she noticeably feels older. She wants more of the 'concessions (?)' of her older sister, feels that there is unfairness in the air.

Sunburst fiercely frustrated with others. As my only boy this is all new to me and I am learning on the run! He's ready for some different encounters, new friends perhaps, new situations to grow into.

So wow lots of stuff here!! 

Alongside big changes in our housing situation, at the moment seeming that we may be moving before the end of the year.

So in times of change what shall we do? 

Panic?!

Tempting!! 

I'm certainly catching myself in the Panic camp at moments! But choosing not to go there, certainly not on this public blog (I'll keep that for the privacy of the early hours of the morning where thankfully I've taken to retreating into the silence of colouring creativity, finding my way back to Trust).

Here I'm going to go for Gentle Acceptance. 

Things feel more frightening when we block them, either believing that they are wrong or that somehow we are wrong for experiencing them. It takes a lot of energy to block and so I find that by listing situations and encounters as they are, neither right nor wrong, good nor bad, it releases them from my perceived idea of how things 'should' be.

As a consequence I usually feel massively calmer. This process removes my clinginess to the perceived danger, my patterns of trying to conquer situations, my anxiety that I 'should' be behaving in a certain way.

May I hold a clear safe intention wherever possible and be ever ready to soothe Love on the flames of our angry fears.

Out of the Way Mama!!

Today I've been practising the art of staying out of Learning's way. Not physically, as we're all in pretty close proximity around here :) but keeping my thoughts to myself a lot, watching my habit of suggesting, asking and generally butting in to the children's flow. Keeping my focus on my own thing, preparing food, making a card for a friend, other jobs about me, following my own flow which all contributes to letting them follow their own. Also playing, joining in, as appropriate when the (many) opportunities came.

In the Shift film I mentioned (Wayne Dyer) there's a simple sequence where he speaks to a mother of two about how children have their own internal compass - "Let them use it". Rather than 'Can you get your shoes on?', 'Can you brush your hair?', 'Pick up your things now please', 'Can I help you stick that poster up?' (so its more pleasing to my eye and not on the wonk!), 'I think you'll find it easier like this' etc.etc.

Part of this process is about letting go of my ego (or whatever you want to call it)'s hold on what should be happening - a lot of my comments and queries are from a place of anxiety or need for control. It was really relaxing to let go of them, I thoroughly enjoyed the day, handing over this need to grip hold of how the day is shifting.

(I also had a gluten and sugar free day accidentally which may contribute to me feeling calmer)

Here's a list of what happened (and this was all before we got out of our pyjamas!) Again, this is simply what presented itself without me managing anything or leading particularly - except perhaps the spelling and numbers bit with Elderflower which naturally unfolded that way, simply doing as much as she wanted without pushing it. The rest of it was their own flow.

Elderflower recognised an aerial picture of a hurricane and the eye.

We talked about which of our relatives may be able to tell us what it was like to live through the second world war.

Some discussion about dinosaurs, skeletons, fossils, eggs and how the archeologists and scientists have come up with the images of what they think they looked like

The end of the dinosaurs, volcano, meteorite - ice age, whats that, how does it happen?

Pyramids, can you lift one?

Putting up posters, negotiating where to put them.

Blackberry read a story to E and S over breakfast.

Why gloves sometimes have the thumb pointing upwards rather than lying flat - the physiology of the hand.

Counting 1-10 Sunburst

Holidays - why does it take so long to get there?

Game of Happy Families with Flags of the World

Drawing pictures of butterflies and labelling them

Elderflower reading our last chapter together, savouring the book (not wanting it to end!), some spellings, some numbers - practising how hundreds look

Blackberry makes some small bags for her siblings and cousins out of fabric with her sewing machine and puts in some conker pets in them, wraps them all up, labels to give to them later.

Checking out the height chart and seeing if it can be cheated.

I stopped writing the list at midday when we had our lunch. Had a lovely day x

Ode to Gluten

Gluten you Mess Me UP, Man!

Sugar, you're pretty bad, too.

My relationship with you sucks, I've no control, I consider myself to 'deserve' you and yet you treat me so bad.

                      ~ you're like a candy-bar lover, looks too good to be true, flaunts yourself, catches my eye, waits til I give in, then forgets me, leaves me totally unsatisfied and hurting, wondering how I ever succumbed to your ways. Dammit!

And I used to sit diary-in-hand, writing about boys.

Writing how good-for-nothing this one might be, or how in pain I was, and then I'd conveniently forget and skip off down the road again...

So in this new me lifestyle where I value myself and my instincts, where will gluten and sugar sit?

Do you know I don't know if I can let go?

How can that be true?

Maybe I like my midnight silent retreats

(why not do these voluntarily without the belly pain?)

Maybe I'm addicted to the substances.

Maybe I don't truly value myself when it comes to the serious business of creating the life that I want.

Maybe I choose to be a slave to the modern (warped) diet

with its emotional and physical rollercoasters.

It feels like a wagon at the bottom of a hill, with no means of pushing it to the top, even though beyond the summit lies fresh green pastures, clear blue skies and opportunities galore, freedoms boundless.

What will it take to charge my steed to take on the task?

I have an excellent 'Goblin' exercise that i just tried out to ask myself that question. It was really fun and revealing. For more details, a five minute exercise to connect with authentic self, follow me :) <3 <3 <3 

The Home Ed Treatment

I've been to a concert this evening of inspiring heart felt music from a couple based in Dartmoor, Carolyn Hillyer and Nigel Shaw. You can find them here.

They sang of the land, of freedom and of our ancient roots.

So I'm remembering the revolution of choosing home ed and how it felt initially (and still feels now, especially when watching friends still factoring school in, I feel so released from this pattern that didn't work for me). A phenomenal freedom I had not even dreamed of.

And I'm deeply aware that there are other areas of our life that need The Home Ed Treatment - the Leap of Faith!! The Stepping into the Darkness with Trust and Fearlessness.

• I'd like to stop paying a mortgage that we can't afford.
• I'd like to spend more time based in the countryside with the rivers and the trees and some silence.
• I'd like to continue centralising the need for a close community of like-minded friends, cut out the distractions and the doubts.
• I'd like to stay focused on my individual growth, so as to model this within the family, nurturing growth and evolution for us all.

It is only when we release ourselves from the things that are not working that we can make way for the new. It takes courage and is immediately rewarded by expansiveness, fresh open breath, and the knowledge that we are more powerful than we could ever imagine. Go For It!

Timidly, boldly, valuing Me

Today a little more about me and accepting that the choices I make are down to me. Just as it was me who's emotional barometer stopped us from schooling, I've found my limit again in terms of how much I can take on. Lots of months planning the kind of work I'd like to give a go, interview, paperwork, initial training and bam I've hit my cry-o-meter buttons again.

But this time I'm listening!
I went for months, years of forcing myself through pain barriers as a teacher, as a mum, waited until something really physical snapped like a miscarriage once, nearly a marriage in another moment! Waiting for these massive external things before I'd stop forcing myself. I'd got so used to waking up with dread and tears, explaining away, reassurring everyone around me that I'm fine, head down, battle on, follow an unseen expectation or dreamed up agenda.

And then this last year with the decision to home ed, the excellent hard focused work my partner and I have done to heal our relationship I have found a new kind of living where days flow, where difficulties are shared and where the foundations are strong and nurturing. I've experienced smiling, the flow of love and of Grace, of knowing myself to be held in the palm of Love's hand.

And so the tears, lethargy, mental dizziness came all this weekend and I'm listening. I've taken a step away from work to value this pregnancy and to focus back on these children, our educating life which must take more of me than I had realised. I feel shocked (again) but I can sense that this was a necessary choice to value myself and the powerfully simple things we are doing here. This is my work for now.

Letting go of the reins

First two weeks of my part-time job with a learning curve of its own, my hardest thing, I think, is letting go of what's happening at home. Papa Weststar is grand with them all here, so thats something to accept (I am not irreplaceable!) but also here are some snippets of how I know that learning is going on in my absence.

Elderflower asked about fossils today and before either of the adults could respond, Blackberry lunged across the room for her rocks and minerals book, zoomed straight  to the paragraph with the answer and read it aloud. Voila.

Elderflower's reading is coming along beautifully.

My last little snippet is about swimming: you may remember I have commented on it before, not ever understanding how we were to learn this skill without trained tutors!! Well, E did it her way a few months back, following our instructions and adding her own stamina and determination. B took up residence in the corner of the pool for about 7 weeks on the trot, basically practising going under water and holding her breath.

It might have looked like avoidance sometimes, or general loitering, but last week she started to bounce along the bottom during these spells of breath holding. Until she asked one of us stand a little way away, and three, four strokes later there she was with the biggest beam mirrored by all present!

I love it :) x

I wanna eat anything But Not That!

Now a pregnant woman is not someone to give you a wholly centred take on diet matters! I have craved mostly gelatine-filled sweeties and bacon which has not sat that well with me, but has brought much pleasure when I've got over myself and dug in to said products.

I can feel that grains, carbohydrates, sugars are not that great for me. And I'm a bit fed up about it. We've been baking bread on Saturdays which is such a fab process to learn and share but here's the crack, Blackberry in particular but the others to some extent just can't deal with the gluten! She's been howling today with screams of unfairness and emotional ups and downs that we haven't seen for weeks.

Now having read today in Motherfunker's ace blog a Call Out to us all to say Yes to being different and Yes to our alternative choices, sticking up for our unique belief systems and lifestyles, I am bolstering myself to simply be bold and make gluten free bread (for a start), grain-free bread (ideally) on these Saturday moments.

I'm sticking my heels in because of the expense and the extra effort at a time when I want to be gentle with myself. Starting a new job for 21 hours a week to which I cycle (12 weeks pregnant) and the adjustments to home life this has naturally brought has floored me a bit. Eating sugar is not helping I'm sure, nor gobbling the home made bread yesterday and having cramps all evening! New recipes needed, new ingredients needed! Juggling so many balls I don't know where to put my attention!

Just how autonomous can you get?!?

Its a pleasure to have Blogger back, our computer has been poorly for a week or two. There's been many a moment when I've wanted to get blogging again!

The beginning of our second year home educating, in a much more relaxed state than this time last year (and still a little room for more comfort next year as we continue to settle into this lifestyle).

In the first week as the rest of the neighbourhood children got into their schooling timetable, I came home from the shop at 11am to find all mine hanging on the front gate, hollering at me down the road. They'd only been in the front garden for a few moments (I was told after my overreaction!) but my instinct was to tell them all off and hurry them inside. I seemed acutely sensitive to drawing attention to ourselves. If we are seen to be not at school, at least lets seem to be working, focused, taking life seriously.... (!)

Perhaps some of this was the initial shock of all the children disappearing again. How it becomes normal to have such a limited number of age-groups around during the daytimes. The inviting of young people into institutions so that any still with their families seem out-of-place is frightening.

Anyway, I'm over it now!

And the point of this post was about planning. And how we do little in this house, and yet how clear it is where the progressions are, where to go next. The questions from the children pile in minute after minute. I remember reading in Ross Mountney's book her tip was to not plan further than a few days ahead and this advice sits well with us. Whilst I have the urges to map it out, I am learning more and more to trust where they go with things, they have their own map. So far this suits us just fine, in fact I feel very lucky that I can trust their process as it removes us parents from the driver's seat and puts us all co-piloting.

It has taken the de-schooling period for this love and thirst to be replenished, particularly for Blackberry the eldest. She now totally gets that its not up to us to feed her information, she has many projects and pursuits on the go. She joins in with us sometimes, she goes off sometimes. She doesn't wish to be taught, and we are navigating our ways to communicate more successfully each month that passes.

Elderflower is our teacher's pet (!!) in that she allows Papa Weststar in particular to lead and teach in its more traditional sense. Its a gift I think that she lets us follow a little thought pattern path with her for an hour or two, happily sinking her teeth into the suggested tasks. She has violin lessons and loves it. She's up for most things.

I never thought i'd be an autonomous educator. I became so schooled myself in traditional chalk and talk methods that they felt like the safest route. I knew no different. And yet in autonomy I find great comfort and happiness. Like the walls that hemmed me in imagining that life was just one long straight line from A to B have crumbled and fallen and I can dance wherever I choose. Going with the flow of the day, being present with their questions whether we are in the house, garden, city, county. Except for one hour after lunch and from 7pm onwards, I'm their's, we're together and we're doing the cha-cha-cha! - One step forwards one step backwards.......!

I'm getting addicted to this home ed malarchy

I don't wish to be boring, but it really grows on me this lifestyle. I was reflecting the other day about relationships with siblings and how the school style of splitting off the age groups immediately starts us off not really knowing our family. By the time I was born, both my brother and sister were in school and my sister and I were never in the same building even my whole schooling career. My brother, with such vast differences in the peer influences four years apart were not seen to converse at school or in front of friends.

This is just one of the reasons why for me the education system is not acceptable anymore. If it gets in the way of natural growth and alliances, then no thank you. We've been trying the same way as a culture for soooo long. And it falls way short of the mark of preparing children for life. I don't mean to exclude or offend, I am calling from my corner of experience about what works for us.

And three children in a bedroom works for us. Low TV input works for us.
Talking through relationship issues, home difficulties works too.
Cooking, being involved in the running of the house makes sense.
Looking out for their individual jewels and polishing them feels wholesome.
Being with them as they grow is reassuring for us all.
Being the ones who are here to experience the breakthroughs, the magical moments as we learn about our world is life-affirming.

Heavens I'm going through a bit of a reflective one at the moment aren't I!
Me in relation to what has been the 'norm' perhaps, acceptance and forgiveness for the things I might like to have done differently myself at various points in my life.

I don't like being an outsider, still. But I don't like it enough to go back to school thats for sure. What we have feels rich, wholesome and quite simply do-able! Which for parenting is sometimes what it boils down to isn't it! I'd love to communicate that feeling of deep peace that what we are doing is just right for us all.

Gracefully Skint, Staying Confident

I can get all in a twiddle thinking which blog is which - is this just for home school stuff - do I need to be really clear about what I put on here?

And then I think of other Very Good blogs that I follow and think No! This is a blog about day-to-day life and reflections. Another place I write is Conjuring Lyrical and the distinction (kind of) is that I let myself loosen into creative flow more there, its less clear what I'm writing about.

So here, day to day, we are, financially speaking, on the ground. Floored, scraping the barrel, scratching around.
And yet, whilst that feels true some of the time, I also feel part of an abundant universe where I am very blessed. So I do get perspective on it when I can. I don't whine all the time!

Now I'm sure this is not down to home educating, though choosing to make the transition has been a full time job for both adults maintaining courage whilst buffeting each storm as we deschool. This wouldn't necessarily be the same for every family but it was for us. The transformations our lives have been through this last year have heartened and carried us a long way beyond the familiar frustrations of low-income life. Frugal Living and Voluntary Simplicity are two phrases I have learned describing ways that many people embrace this choice.

Maybe the painful moments are when I feel I'm not exercising a choice to be here, its all very well making the best of a situation and enjoying the benefits of both adults being largely at home but that can wear thin when its a struggle to buy the food for the week, petrol for the car etc. Always watching the figures, cancelling plans as the petrol prices continue to rise, imagining ways that I might ask for some help from relatives etc. All a bit dull!

My belief is that all is perfect: we draw to ourselves the situations and events that most help us evolve and grow towards the sun. Lots of learning, lots of growing. On the proactive, creative side, lets draw some strength from the anger and frustration when I feel I'm at the mercy of events or someone else's karma (is that even possible?!) - Own the Truth that we are here all together for whatever we need to learn and work through. Own the Reality that we have the money for what we truly want, its so easy to hide behind a 'we can't afford it' line, when really if we wanted it enough we'd make it happen.

I love being more home based. Its scary sometimes but it feels right. There is so much to do, feel and explore in the bosom of our hobbit hole. We don't have expensive tastes anymore which will no doubt be great when the money starts to flow a little more kindly, I grasp the value of items and services fairly acutely (please say I've learned that one now!) Our greatest expenditure bar the obvious is the decentest food we can find, local, organic, cooking from scratch, embracing our health as much as possible.

So I welcome this moment (have you noticed I write in affirmations when actually I want to grumble and whine? The next post might be the bitter twisted words that are getting pushed to the side now! or I'll save them for the sister site!) I welcome this very visceral experience of what Money has come to be, what we've made it as a global race. I trust that all is well and that we have everything we need.

How is this 'recession' or whatever we choose to call it affecting you and your family? What positive spins do you take on it when you can?

Love from Weststar, Gracefully skint, staying confident :)

S l o w down!

It is nearly a year since we were last in school!
And things have settled, we have all agreed to carry on for another year which feels great. I feel the first full breaths of really accepting home ed as part of our lifestyle.

Thoughts from this week are about there being No Rush.
And, not unsurprisingly it links to a lot I have to say about safe birthing (here's where to find my breechbaby blog). Our lives unfold, our children grow and learn, opportunities come and go, anxiety can come and go too. If we push, we don't go any faster. What's that phrase: Less Haste More Speed...

Nothing needs to be decided in a hurry. Everything has its moment. The world may like us to think that every second is a crucial pivotal moment. Whenever I fall into that trap, I find panic! I prefer the heartfelt truth that there is always time to breathe, to come back to base and to listen to whats next.

Creativity Silence

Its been all about logistics again this last couple of weeks. I'm not sure I've presented or chased a particular 'learning topic' in all that time. I have a sneaky feeling that this has not affected the amount thats been learned or explored by the Weststar Twiglets (collective pseudonym....!)

Thanks for the reminder Motherfunker about the shifting waves of home ed. Even though I don't feel there's anything to chart for this last fortnight (although of course if I focus and type it down, they'll be reams of information explored), I know that it is all Good Work!! Its all phemonenal. She said, he said, manoeuvring round each other, listening, feeling, finding, trying.

Its simply not quantifiable in a box ticking kind of way - though as an RE teacher hasbeen, I know that spiritual/emotional development rarely is! Knowledge growth, skill building is hard too, there's no set way of learning. How many times do you think your recipient is not listening only to find out they have a total grasp of whats being said and can take it leagues forwards when you least expect it?!

I can feel its good though and thats a nice feeling, I acknowledge that however irrationally, I intuitively know that we're growing and learning around here at the perfect pace for us.
How do you know when its been a good week? Do you chart it or mark it in any way?

I am looking forward to the next time some creative ideas come my way of activities and focuses for us to dance with. But I'm just accepting that these couple of weeks have not been like that, as with the flow, the ebb, one can not exist without the other.

Muuuum, Dad said we could.......

Co-parenting whilst home educating often amplifies the life skills being learned as we scale our learning curve. Our life coach has just published her monthly digest, Fruitful: One page of which was this on couple's coaching. I know that we're getting stronger and stronger as a couple, but I wonder if its going to take us longer to deschool ourselves (any excuses why we're still unravelling after nearly the whole first academic year has passed!) because we're bouncing off each other a lot of the time.

Where I might put a strategy or a rhythm in our day if it was just me and the kids, there's a whole other adult to weave around. And the same vice versa. At present, (nearly) everything needs seconding by the other. It can be a relief when the other adult goes out and we become a one (wo)man band for a bit. I trust as our enterprise and employment possibilities progress this will be more and more the norm. We've been alongside (and under) each other's feet for 3 years now.

I very much believe, things are as they are as part of a greater scheme - 'We're not to know' my much-loved aunt would say to me to help comfort when all seemed inexplicably messy! My husband and I are learning masses, growing as individuals and parents as we consistently bounce off each other and learn how to be with an other. Its all practice.

Whilst the progress might feel slow in this new lifestyle, it is likely that having done the hard bit of learning how to work together initially we will be on solid ground for the future when work comes in and things starts changing again. The techniques we have learned to help us communicate and act in assertive, compassionate ways is truly weaving the life we want for our family.

How do you do it? Single parenting, co-parenting, full time, part time, how do your lives ripple in and out of the wholesome tapestry with the kids?

An immediate answer :)

(I copied this after browsing a well-loved blog (address below) - its very linked to my previous post!

In her book 'Momma Zen, Walking the Crooked Path of Motherhood', (on extended loan with many thanks to my dear Buddhish friend Viv) Karen Maezen Miller suggests another way of looking at our roles as mothers;

"You don't have to work so hard at this. You don't have to do so much. You don't have to endeavour to be natural, normal and good. It happens by itself when you least expect it. If you are confused about what you should be doing, try this. Stop what you are doing. Take care of what is in front of you, when it is front of you, and the confusion will pass. This is called the effort of no effort. No effort is what powers the universe.

With time your roots grow deep and your branches long. You lean less backward in fear and a little less forward in doubt, resting solidly right where you are. When the wind blows, you bend. When it stops, you straighten. Your boughs provide shelter and shade. Your strength supports the sky. Sitting quietly, doing nothing, spring comes and the grass grows by itself.

Your baby will be ok. "

Thanks Mother funker, taking this one to heart:

Pasted from :
http://feetonthegroundandheadintheclouds.blogspot.co.uk/2012/02/do-we-need-to-try-so-hard-to-be-good.html